Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

12 ways to kill a weekend

with 71 comments

can you taste the difference?

HE SAID, SHE SAID: Twelve Things to do on a Slow Weekend

Soy’s list:

12. Tackle an Olympic torch-bearer for peace.
11. Walk through your neighborhood, picking fights.
10. Set up a model railroad layout and blow it up, Gomez Addams-style.
 9. Sleep like a motherfucker! Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 18, 2008 at 9:26 am

Posted in humor, life hacks, list

Come… to Winston Salem

with 22 comments

giant tampon in the sky

Every day on my way to work, I stop at the end of my street and see a big penis. I’m not talking about my drunk neighbor Otto–it’s way too early for him to be out. Nor am I talking about my own, but thanks, anyway. No, the phallus I’m talking about is more than 30 stories tall and made of Sardinian white granite and glass. The Chamber of Commerce calls it Wachovia Center. City residents call it many things: The Giant Tampon in the Sky, The Cockovia Tower, The Phallus Palace, Stone Ween. If he were alive today, Freud would write volumes about it. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

April 16, 2008 at 2:44 pm

The Pop-Up Kama Sutra

with 25 comments

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 15, 2008 at 10:29 am

Retrotainment vol.1: Fletch

with 30 comments

Retro-tainment: Media You Might Have Missed – Vol 1: Fletch

Meet Irwin M. Fletcher: an investigative journalist/pussy magnet in the City of Angels with a quick wit, a basketball jones and a devil-may-care attitude. Sounds like an old mystery book character, right? Well, he is. Author Gregory McDonald created Fletcher (AKA “Fletch”) back in the 70s and, over the course of 20 years, wrote over 10 novels featuring the wise-cracking, womanizing character, winning a couple of Edgar Allen Poe awards along the way. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

April 14, 2008 at 3:06 pm

Posted in books, humor, movies, nostalgia

The 12 most useless lists of all time

with 57 comments

     

  1. Things that make the Little House on the Prairie family cry
  2. Amazing intra-office communiques
  3. Soups that Gene Simmons’ nipple hair has been found in
  4. Animated Gif’s Soylent Ape has fapped to
  5. Apples I could have eaten, had I been hungry
  6. Reasons lemmings hate America
  7. Pictures of ugly people Kevin has tricked me into looking at
  8. 800 Cellular telephones weighing under 2 pounds, in no particular order
  9. White males who enjoy tapwater
  10. Things to think about while masturbating
  11. Jewish men who love/hate their mothers
  12. Ways in which RationReality.com has sold out

 

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 11, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Posted in list, satire, your mom

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports

with 38 comments

Deviant wrote this for us.

Like Mussolini, he isn’t such a bad guy!

 

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports
-or-
Let Us Not Forget that Olympians Are Simply Glorified Dumb Jocks

I think it’s horseshit that news commentators are urging us not to politicize the Olympics, when the whole affair is already politicized from the beginning. When the Olympics committee decides to hold the Olympics someplace, it provides an economical boon to the local businesses. Tourism is bumped up and governments have the attention of the world where they can go ahead and pull off all sorts of propaganda shenanigans…

Jesse Owens publicly claimed Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy when the Olympics were held in Germany of all places. Yeah let’s not politicize the Olympics by having our athletes compete in Nazi Germany, way to go Olympics Committee, you just provided Nazi Germany with a 1 Million Mark profit which was probably shuttled right into the death camps. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 10, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Love Carrots

with 57 comments

Love Carrots and Other Vegetables is a photo blog about loveable mutant veggies, coupled with clever observations. Proving once more the internet rule: once you see it, you can’t unsee it.


Don’t fret, yam-munchers — They got vaginas too …

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 9, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Band of the Month: Ghostland Observatory

with 73 comments

ЯR   April’s Official Band: Ghostland Observatory   ЯR 

Ghostland Observatory is the band The White Stripes could be…if they didn’t buy their own hype and if they were able to laugh at themselves. Oh, yeah–they’d have to get a helluva lot funkier, too. Yes, GO are the indie-rockers that let their audience in on the joke. Should you be surprised that they hail from Austin, TX? Probably not. Equal parts early ’80s new wave, electro-funk and late ’60s garage punk, Ghostland are proud to be weird and “weird” is something they do better than almost anybody else. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

April 7, 2008 at 11:41 pm

A Bagel New World

with 19 comments

This ad is old. I hate old ads. I want all new ads.

Mark over at The Skwib has challenged me to create a vintage-style ad for a fictional future product, taken from a literary source. After much grueling masturbation, I went with the first thing that popped into my head: Soma, from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. As everyone with a crappy spam collector knows, Soma already exists; I think I should get bonus points for cheating.

vintage ad

You can play, too. There are prizes! 
Base image from here. All text taken from the novel via this site.

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 7, 2008 at 12:24 am

Mommy, am I going to hell?

with 15 comments

Alot has changed in the 9 months since ЯR began. I’ll bet most of you don’t even know we used to have our own comic! I’m going to try re-starting the strip. In the mean time, I’m reposting my favorite of the batch. Recaption it or any of our comics…if I like it, I’ll art it up and post it with cred.


Our comics are archived here.

Written by The Bagel of Everything

April 5, 2008 at 11:33 am