Books that exist
A list of 6 books I’d read, if I read books.
These are linked up to Amazon, where sample chapters are available free for many of them.
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White Trash Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Upscale Trailer Park Manners  White Trash Etiquette contains everything you need to know to live like decent trash, including: The proper way to fake a back injury How to prevent your in-laws from stealing the silverware at wedding receptions The Ten Hottest White Trash Career Opportunities How to improve your drunk-driving skills Sound advice on everything from lying to your boss to making your next convenience-store robbery fun for the whole family There’s also troubleshooting for troublemakers: I’m getting married; can I still wear white if I’m a tramp? Can chicks ever really respect an accountant? How do I pick a good bail bondsman? How can I get my 14-year-old cousin unpregnant? And much more. |
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The Art of Auto-fellatio: Oral Sex for One The ultimate in safe sex — self-performed oral pleasure at any hour of the day! If you’ve ever dreamed about this practice, this book can make your fantasy a reality. It’s both a fascinating examination of social perceptions and cultural mores, and a guide to specifics. The response to Gary Griffin’s first groundbreaking book, Penis Enlargement Methods: Fact and Phallusy was so enthusiastic that his readers asked for more, prompting research in other related areas. This eventually resulted in a complete catalog of thirteen books. The goal is to take the mystery and taboo out of male sexuality and to help every man by providing factual information about his body and its function. As the Executive Director of the American Academy of Phalloplasty Surgeons, Gary Griffin witnessed an amazing increase in interest in the subject of male sexuality that shows no signs of abating. |
The five greatest pop culture crimes
Woo hoo! We got us a submission from my hero, A.J. Valliant over at BeatsEntropy.com!
Step up, bitches! -bagel
The five greatest pop culture crimes committed against me, AJ Valliant
I am man deeply attuned with pop culture memes of my generation; perhaps too deeply. You see my judgement and ability to objective distance from subjective experience are poorly formed, stunted even. This has resulted in a great many harms and slights absorbed from an otherwise impersonal medium. Crimes even, committed against me, AJ Valliant, by pop culture.In order of harm caused I give you the top 5.
Trashy Dumpster Humping Whores
One of my favorite bloggers, Discouragement Kitten, has loaned us the use of another of her blog entries.
-bagel
Trashy Dumpster Humping Whores
Question:
Dear Discouragement Kitten,
I have a perplexing conundrum of sorts. I am in a committed relationship of sorts with a very nice woman that while considerably bitchy, anal and at times rude to me I very much love and would like to continue seeing. The other half of this though is that her ex-roommate, whom is quiet fergilicious (her body stays vicious because she is always up in the gym just working on her fitness), is attracted to me and has told me on several occasions that she is.
Ration Reality Comics: Dotty the Vampire Slayer
All right folks, listen up: webcomics are serious friggin’ business. You see that little graphic up above here? As I’m typing this, it says #1709. That means that we are ranked #1709 out of around 9300 webcomics. I need your help to move us even further up the list. What do I need you to do? Click on this link RIGHT HERE, and then click on the link back to this site. Also, if you’d like, you can sign up for an account there and favorite us. That’s going to help us move up the rankings. It’s easy, and it will take just a few seconds of your precious time. So, go do it. Now. And thanks for your support. [/Gallo]
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She’s Got the Jack
There was a young lady at sea
Who said “Gosh, how it hurts me to pee.”
“I see,” said the mate,
“That accounts for the state
Of the Captain, the purser, and me.”
dirtylimerick.com
Recently, a friend shared an anecdote wherein another friend visited his doctor due to “penile discomfort”. At some point, the doctor held the man’s penis and clapped it between his hands, causing much grossness to dribble out. The diagnosis: Gonorrhea.
This got me wondering…is that why they call it “the clap”?
So I headed off to wikipedia, my jumping off point for research.
According to wiki:
Gonorrhea is also commonly known by the slang term “the clap”. One suggested etymology refers to a traditional treatment used to clear the blockage in the urethra from gonorrheal pus, where the penis would be “clapped” on both sides simultaneously
Being a user-created content site, a wikipedia entry is far from solid evidence. However, my research was stopped in it’s tracks a little farther down the page:
The popular AC/DC song “The Jack” is a story about a woman who gave lead singer Bon Scott gonorrhea. The 1975 “High Voltage” version of the song gives a more discreet description of what happened, but during the live performance of “The Jack” on the album, “If you want blood” he openly tells the crowd, even screaming the word, “Gonorrhea” after the first chorus.
What the fuck!
I’ve always thought this was one of the sexiest songs ever! How many times have I drunkenly whispered in a guys ear, “I’ve got the Jack, baby”. Obviously, I’ve never heard the live version.
I’m now afraid of what Sink the Pink may really mean.
Hail Seitan!
Today we’re going to talk about two delicious treats that have made me fat and happy, like Wellbutrin.
First up: Seitan. Pronounced say-tahn, this remarkable and effing bizarre food stuff is made up mostly of compressed wheat protein. This is achieved by “washing” flour which gets rid of all the pesky starch… have I lost you yet? I know, sounds grosser than gross but I swears that this shit is the real deal. Once the starch is rinsed away you knead it up nice and well, compressed and season it however the fuck you want. Then you can shape it into whatever you want, transform it like Manimal or… Mystique.
We are but whores
Jesse, our fantabulous artist, has come up with some fun artwork to promote the site.
If you love us and have a corner of the web you call your own, please pimp us!
Copying the code in the little boxes will give the results shown above each box.
If you use any of it, let us know and maybe, just maybe, we will give you a kiss. (more…)
Diff’rent Stokes up in Crack Smoke
A contribution by our good friend, Ellen. Submit your work here.
-bagel
Do you remember the 1980s? Have you seen the commercials? Cashcow or Cashcall.com. Yes, that’s the one…and YOU thought Gary Coleman (the man born with a congenital kidney disease causing nephritis; a disease House, MD specialized in) was dead?
He tried: “In 1993 Coleman appeared on the television talk show Geraldo and admitted he had twice attempted suicide with sleeping pills. Coleman went into semi-retirement and moved to Colorado and then to Arizona, where he was trained as a security guard, a job he often worked when unable to find other employment.”
Ration Reality Comics: Apologies to J.K. Rowling
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Harry Potter @ Wiki - Preorder the New Harry Potter!
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How to be White Trash
It’s the sensation that’s sweeping the nation (or parts of it, at least): the stained t-shirt wearing, jacked-up car driving, devil horn throwing, zoning board defying mass-hysteria known as the White Trash Movement. Lemmy Kilmister once said of his band, Mötörhead, that, if they moved into the home next to you, your lawn would shrivel up. In this sense Mötörhead represents the counter-cultural aesthetic that defines White Trash. Much like the hippie-losers and anarchist squatters before them, members of the White Trash Nation are rejecting the values of our society-at-large. You can give the establishment the calloused, 10w-30-stained finger in these 4 easy steps:
