Ration Reality

Come… to Winston Salem

Posted in architecture, innuendo, north carolina by Soylent Ape on April 16th, 2008

giant tampon in the sky

Every day on my way to work, I stop at the end of my street and see a big penis. I’m not talking about my drunk neighbor Otto–it’s way too early for him to be out. Nor am I talking about my own, but thanks, anyway. No, the phallus I’m talking about is more than 30 stories tall and made of Sardinian white granite and glass. The Chamber of Commerce calls it Wachovia Center. City residents call it many things: The Giant Tampon in the Sky, The Cockovia Tower, The Phallus Palace, Stone Ween. If he were alive today, Freud would write volumes about it. (more…)

The Pop-Up Kama Sutra

Posted in books, books that exist, nsfw, sex, wtf, your mom by The Bagel of Everything on April 15th, 2008

Retrotainment vol.1: Fletch

Posted in books, humor, movies, nostalgia by Soylent Ape on April 14th, 2008

Retro-tainment: Media You Might Have Missed - Vol 1: Fletch

Meet Irwin M. Fletcher: an investigative journalist/pussy magnet in the City of Angels with a quick wit, a basketball jones and a devil-may-care attitude. Sounds like an old mystery book character, right? Well, he is. Author Gregory McDonald created Fletcher (AKA “Fletch”) back in the 70s and, over the course of 20 years, wrote over 10 novels featuring the wise-cracking, womanizing character, winning a couple of Edgar Allen Poe awards along the way. (more…)

The 12 most useless lists of all time

Posted in list, satire, your mom by The Bagel of Everything on April 11th, 2008
     

  1. Things that make the Little House on the Prairie family cry
  2. Amazing intra-office communiques
  3. Soups that Gene Simmons’ nipple hair has been found in
  4. Animated Gif’s Soylent Ape has fapped to
  5. Apples I could have eaten, had I been hungry
  6. Reasons lemmings hate America
  7. Pictures of ugly people Kevin has tricked me into looking at
  8. 800 Cellular telephones weighing under 2 pounds, in no particular order
  9. White males who enjoy tapwater
  10. Things to think about while masturbating
  11. Jewish men who love/hate their mothers
  12. Ways in which RationReality.com has sold out

 

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports

Posted in dvnt, hitler, olympics, sports, your mom by The Bagel of Everything on April 10th, 2008

Deviant wrote this for us.

Like Mussolini, he isn’t such a bad guy!

 

The Olympics: Killing People With Sports
-or-
Let Us Not Forget that Olympians Are Simply Glorified Dumb Jocks

I think it’s horseshit that news commentators are urging us not to politicize the Olympics, when the whole affair is already politicized from the beginning. When the Olympics committee decides to hold the Olympics someplace, it provides an economical boon to the local businesses. Tourism is bumped up and governments have the attention of the world where they can go ahead and pull off all sorts of propaganda shenanigans…

Jesse Owens publicly claimed Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy when the Olympics were held in Germany of all places. Yeah let’s not politicize the Olympics by having our athletes compete in Nazi Germany, way to go Olympics Committee, you just provided Nazi Germany with a 1 Million Mark profit which was probably shuttled right into the death camps. (more…)

Love Carrots

Posted in eyebleach, funny photos, internet, nsfw, produce, wtf by The Bagel of Everything on April 9th, 2008

Love Carrots and Other Vegetables is a photo blog about loveable mutant veggies, coupled with clever observations. Proving once more the internet rule: once you see it, you can’t unsee it.


Don’t fret, yam-munchers — They got vaginas too …

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Band of the Month: Ghostland Observatory

Posted in band of the month, music, texas by Soylent Ape on April 7th, 2008

ЯR   April’s Official Band: Ghostland Observatory   ЯR 

Ghostland Observatory is the band The White Stripes could be…if they didn’t buy their own hype and if they were able to laugh at themselves. Oh, yeah–they’d have to get a helluva lot funkier, too. Yes, GO are the indie-rockers that let their audience in on the joke. Should you be surprised that they hail from Austin, TX? Probably not. Equal parts early ’80s new wave, electro-funk and late ’60s garage punk, Ghostland are proud to be weird and “weird” is something they do better than almost anybody else. (more…)

A Bagel New World

Posted in advertising, contests, nostalgia, original art by The Bagel of Everything on April 7th, 2008

This ad is old. I hate old ads. I want all new ads.

Mark over at The Skwib has challenged me to create a vintage-style ad for a fictional future product, taken from a literary source. After much grueling masturbation, I went with the first thing that popped into my head: Soma, from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. As everyone with a crappy spam collector knows, Soma already exists; I think I should get bonus points for cheating.

vintage ad

You can play, too. There are prizes! 
Base image from here. All text taken from the novel via this site.

Mommy, am I going to hell?

Posted in Ration Reality, dark humor, original art, web comics by The Bagel of Everything on April 5th, 2008

Alot has changed in the 9 months since ЯR began. I’ll bet most of you don’t even know we used to have our own comic! I’m going to try re-starting the strip. In the mean time, I’m reposting my favorite of the batch. Recaption it or any of our comics…if I like it, I’ll art it up and post it with cred.


Our comics are archived here.

Porn is AWESOME

Posted in nsfw, parody, porn, ribaldry by The Bagel of Everything on April 4th, 2008

I love porno-puns. Check it:

pirates of the carribbean

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