Dear Walking AIDS Infestation
Question:
I have recently had my cunt abraded in the least legal display of sexual depravity ever perpetrated on unsuspecting patrons of a tittie bar, and have had difficulty positioning myself comfortably in folding chairs at PTA meetings as a result. Please advise as to the proper procedure for locating and disposing of incriminating surveillance footage before the next bake sale fundraiser. My pantyline chafes from unlikely angles and affects my catwalk strut. I’m not sure how much longer I can do the Jitterbug with this microphone up my ass.This is a state of emergency. I have weapons of mass destruction and should be repeatedly invaded. Read the rest of this entry »
Cover your eyes, it’s Sullivan!
August’s Official Band of Ration Reality: Sullivan
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Can you match this? |
Every now and then, there comes a band that has an effect like audio crack, except with slightly less-harmful effects on pregnant women. Their choruses demand that we sing along. Their catchy rhythms compel us to beat on the dashboard like the monkeys we all are deep inside. Hearing their songs helps endorphin junkies like us “get well”. North Carolina’s Sullivan is one such band. Damn them and their will-breaking rock!
Is this really the best we can do?
We got tagged. Fuck you very much, WPMB!
I think I’m supposed to list our 5 best posts. I’m not really sure, as I didn’t actually read it. We’re a 3 person team, so we’ve each chosen the best of our own work, plus one of our comics and a contributor post.
- The Bagel of Everything: J.D. Salinger is Naked
- Jesse Custer: Chocolate Soldier
- Soylent Ape: Hip-Hop Hitler
- RationReality Comics: Mommy, am I going to hell?
- Contributor: Freedom of Speech Strikes Back by Deviant
What’s an integrity?
Logo tshirts, stickers, mugs and more at our CafePress.com Store! We’ll be adding more worthless crap over time, so refresh the page continuously.
48 Hour Film Project: Throwing down the Celluloid Gauntlet
This past weekend, thousands of people around the world were pulling hair, popping pills and desperately trying to maintain focus after two days without sleep– but enough about emergency room doctors. What I’m talking about are the cognitively-challenged participants in the worldwide 48 Hour Film Project. These No-Doz™ heroes had been hard at work since Friday evening, writing, directing, scoring, titling, recording and editing short films from NOTHING and, true to the event’s name, they only had 2 days in which to finish.
Crass Commercial Message: Geeks.Com
Like many of you reading this, I use a mouse to interact with my computer. In fact, I’m pretty sure that all of you use some sort of pointing device, be it mouse, touchpad, or that little rubbery clit-thingy. Well, that is, unless you’re using LYNX or your name is Scotty. (If you’re using LYNX, I’m just going to go ahead and call you a poor Luddite bastard and leave it at that.)
Anyway. I’ve got a Logitech Cordless Click Plus. It’s about two and a half years old, and it’s provided me with quiet a lot of good service. I bought it as part of a combination pack with some slightly less durable keyboard. (That piece of shit broke about a year ago, and I’ve replaced it with a Logitech G15. Yeah, yeah, call me a gamer fag and … well, I probably won’t do much about it, actually.) Over the past couple months though, the mouse has been degrading significantly. First it was the scroll wheel. Not the rolly bit, though – that still works. It was the button part. Then the browser forward and back buttons stopped working. Now, finally, the left mouse button is starting to not work out so well anymore.
It was time for a replacement mouse. Read the rest of this entry »
So there I was, minding my own business … and this dick tries to kill me.
Sounds pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? Hard to believe, too, that I could piss someone off to the point where they’d actually want to solve the problem for permanent. Well, it actually happened back in January, and it’s a pretty funny story. Read the rest of this entry »
Office Space Redux
As King of the Hill goes into its umpteenth season on the Fox Network schedule, I have to wonder how this pedestrian show overshadows Mike Judge’s true contribution to pop culture: the cinematic wonder that is 1999’s Office Space. This low-budget offering barely made back its production costs during its run at the cineplex, thanks to some piss-poor promotion from 20th Century FOx and the general indifference of critics who largely didn’t care one way or another about the film.
Shortly after its video release and feature on pay movie channels, Office Space began to take on a rabid cult following. Today, you hear phrases lifted from that movie at workplaces all across this country–phrases like “sounds like somebody’s got a case of ‘The Mondays’” and “Did you get that memo about the TPS Reports?” (”TPS” has become an office bacronym for things like “Totally Pointless Stuff” and “To Paper Shredder”.) Read the rest of this entry »
