Ration Reality

Alisha the hero

Posted in childhood, crime, lol, news, north carolina, society, superheroes by The Bagel of Everything on September 4th, 2007

don't fuck with my mommy

7 year old Alisha Williamson is a good girl.
She likes to goto work at the Sav-Mor with her mommy.
She also likes to kick fucking ass.

(more…)

Is that really how it feels

Posted in cocaine, drugs, idiots, music, sex, your mom, youtube by The Bagel of Everything on September 3rd, 2007

Face down, ass up! That’s the way we like to fuck!

- Fuck on Cocaine, DJ Caffeine.

I love that song. These people should be shot. (more…)

Dictators upholding my pants

Posted in blogging, friends, help us, links, list, news, tldr by The Bagel of Everything on September 2nd, 2007

fidel castro belt buckle

Fidel Castro Pewter Belt Buckle

Found this today on Amazon. I want it, and I don’t know why.

I’m going to throw some site news at you. If you’re new around here, don’t bother — you won’t care. (more…)

Word of the Week: Jenkem

Posted in africa, drugs, feces, jenkem, nasty, news, word of the week, world by The Bagel of Everything on September 1st, 2007

Jenkem is shit, you damn dirty Africans!
This shit will fuck you up

We first heard about jenkem in 1999, when the BBC News reported on the growing fad amongst Zambian street children, which has quickly spread throughout Sub-Saharan Africa. Nobody cared — until some white, middle class, all-American fucktard claimed to have tried it.

So what is jenkem? (more…)

A suburban housewife’s guide to mid-90’s gangsta rap music

Posted in 420, cancer, crack, drugs, music, race, rap, review by The Bagel of Everything on August 30th, 2007

Alright, ladies. Before delving into the realms of true gangsta rap, we need to familiarize ourselves with a few key terms. Dictionary.com is a fine source of reference for such an endeavor.

gangsta (gāng’sta) n, adj
(Black English) a member of a youth gang

rap (rāp) n. Slang
A talk, conversation, or discussion.
A form of popular music developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a strong rhythmic accompaniment.
A composition or performance of such music.

nigga n., [nig-ga]
(ethnic slur) extremely offensive name for a colored person; [syn: negro] (more…)

Gary Coleman: Model Railroader, Model American

Posted in 80s, assignment, contributors, model railroad, nostalgia, toys, tv, za by The Bagel of Everything on August 29th, 2007

Our brave friend, Zach Action has accepted an assignment.

.Zach Action.

 Gary Coleman is a huge model train enthusiast. If you don’t believe me, you can look it up. Apparently the word “addiction” is appropriate, as he has spent thousands and thousands upon thousands (literally THOUSANDS) of dollars on the hobby. (more…)

Would anyone like any toast

Posted in comedy, humor, red drawf, scifi, smeg, television, video, youtube by The Bagel of Everything on August 29th, 2007

“I think, in all probability, Wilma Flinstone is the most desirable woman who ever lived”

(more…)

Never trust your erection to a foreigner

Posted in advice, fellatio, humor, idiots, list, new york, overheard in new york by Soylent Ape on August 29th, 2007

Ten things learned from Overheard In New York:

  1.  ”A truck ain’t a pair of jeans, son.” (Noted.)
  2. “If you miss your stop, that sucks — we ain’t goin’ back” (Check.)
  3. “A practical joker? Isn’t that just called a felon?” (In some countries, yes.)
  4. “My psychiatrist told me two important things: one, never trust foreigners; two, don’t ever waste an erection, even if you’re alone.” (…but don’t trust that erection to a foreigner!) (more…)

It’s been an interesting week …

Posted in books, monkeys, puke, shit, sick, typewriters, vomit by jessecuster on August 28th, 2007

So yeah, Bagel mentioned that I was sick, but I don’t think she really conveyed the full fucking horror of how sick I really was.

On Monday, 20 August, at about 12:30, I ate a Big Mac for lunch. It tasted good. I mean, it tasted really good. It was as deliciously yummy as I imagine Stiletto’s naughty bits must be in my fantasies, although it probably has a slightly higher fat content. But, for all my love of the Big Mac, it did not love me back. (more…)

Dangerous Levels of Non-clinical Retardation in our Society

Posted in DK, advice, contributors, humor, idiots, nsfw, relationships, sexuality by rationrealitycontributor on August 27th, 2007

Advice from Discouragement Kitten

Question:
I recently fell for another man in a position of authority who led me on just a bit. It was at the height of my crush when I was shot down and left to rot in the streets of. Discouragement kitten, why am I so stupid?

Answer:
Dear Stupid ButtFuck:

Unfortunately not as much research has been invested in the root causes of stupidity (more…)