Fernando Botero, Painter of Retards
An artist is attracted to certain kinds of form without knowing why. You adopt a position intuitively; only later do you attempt to rationalize or even justify it. – Fernando Botero, 1932-20??
Fernando Botero Angulo is totally famous — so famous, in fact, he calls himself “the most Colombian of Colombian artists”. He’s so proud of his Colombian heritage, he dropped his last name and moved to France! In 2005, he gained public recognition by exploiting the Abu Ghraib slumberparty. I love his art in a way that makes me a bad person.
He paints stocky people with large foreheads (aka fivehead), beady eyes, and blank expressions. Now, I’m not saying he’s obsessed with Down’s Syndrome. I’m just strongly suggesting it. Read the rest of this entry »
Loretta Lynn will mess you up!
You’d best close your face and stay out my way if you don’t wanna go to Fist City…
‘Cause I’ll grab you by the hair a the head, and I’ll lift a you off a the ground.
Damn straight. She’s so Ghetto!
Five Reasons to NOT See a Gynecologist Immediately
Two weeks ago, FoxNews.com released a list of 5 Reasons to See a Gynecologist Immediately.
1. Painful blister-like lesions on the vagina or rectal areas
2. Significant vaginal bleeding
3. Sudden, intense belly pain
4. Post menopausal bleeding.
5. New breast lump
Thanks for that, Fox. I’m sure there’s someone out there who didn’t know. Like this girl, or maybe these ladies.
The internet is awash with reasons to see your doctor. No one ever talks about when to leave your doctor the hell alone. We here at ЯR aren’t in bed with the AMA, and welcome frivolous lawsuits. Just because I have no medical training doesn’t mean I can’t make up medical advice that will probably kill you.
Five Reasons to Leave Your Gynecologist The Hell Alone:
1. Rhythmic abdominal cramping followed by the excretion of a screaming, writhing lump of tissue: It’s nothing. Wrap it in plastic bags and bury it in your backyard. Your maternal instinct will tell you to toss it in a dumpster — don’t do this. As an avid viewer of CSI, I know the dumpster-method never ends well. Read the rest of this entry »
Retrotainment 2: Clone High
Retro-tainment: Media You Might Have Missed – Vol 2: Clone High
Can you imagine if we were somehow able to extract DNA remnants of all the great figures in history. And then, from those specimens, we would create genetic duplicates of these great and infamous men and women in history. Then imagine when those clones enter their awkward teenage years: the angst, the uncertainty and emerging sexuality playing against their famous personalities. Bill Lawrence (creator of Scrubs and Spin City did, only he (Along with co-creators Phil Lord and Christopher Miller) decided to make it a cartoon and play it for laughs.
Clone High imagines a world where Abe Lincoln is a neurotic sociopath with an unspoken crush on Cleopatra and JFK is the popular football team captain with 2 gay foster parents. It is a place where Winston Churchill can be a thugged-out B-boy and Ghandi can be an indulgent, sex-obsessed hedonist. Read the rest of this entry »
Autofellatio Kitten Loves You
Art is the gift of God, and must be used unto his glory.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
♥ Autofellatio Kitten loves you. ♥
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Guide to Genital Play and Torment
As an angry feminist, I love kicking men in the balls and pricking their scrotes with rusty pins. It doesn’t turn me on, but it sure makes me happy. Thanks to the magic of the internets, I’ve discovered something wondrous: there are men who not only enjoy such treatment, but will pay dearly for it!
To prove to myself this wasn’t just internet lore, I went in search of hardcopy evidence. There is a damned fine mess of books out there on the subject; I think Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play & Torment
Here’s what the publisher has to say about it: Read the rest of this entry »
Santa Claus: He’s Evil Now
I don’t have anything interesting to say today, so here are some pictures of my dog being strangled by Sandy Paws.
Armin Meiwes, Eater of Cocks
Cannibalism has been viewed, in Modern civilized society, through a surreal lens. From the Donner Party, to The Buoy’s upbeat cannibal anthem “Timothy”, to Ray Liotta being fed a piece of his own cerebrum by Anthony Hopkins, people feel that the very act of consuming human flesh is outlandish, regardless of how it’s done. One man, however, was determined to make the execution of his cannibalistic attempt as outrageous and unsettling as the act itself. His name: Armin Meiwes. Read the rest of this entry »
Dear Internet: I think something’s stuck in there
Dear Internet,
I met my biological father yesterday, and now my pee comes out sideways.
Is this just a coincidence, or should I get tested?
Touched,
Bagel
Last time on Ask the Internet: Anilingus Breath Strips
Under a bushel
I almost never post random shit I’ve found on the web, but this one was irresistible. Found on anonymous image hosting site, tinypic.com. Due to the nature of the site, I don’t know who to credit. If you know who made it, please let me know, so that I may offer him/her a year’s supply of unprotected sex.
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