Ration Reality

hyperbolic excellence

The Myspace Suicide Massacre

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 Deviant told me if I didn’t post this, he would flirt with me until I hanged myself. Threats are hot.


The entry which you are about to read is a fictionalized reinactment of the tragedy which befell a pair of suburban families, in particular Megan Meier and her non-existant Myspace boyfriend Josh Evans… For them, an idyllic summer afternoon myspace exhange became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history.

The Myspace Suicide Massacre!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 21, 2007 at 10:15 am

Shirley Temple is Creepy

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Poster from What Is It

Shirley Temple doesn’t hurt Shirley Temple Black, Shirley Temple helps Shirley Temple Black because Shirley Temple is remembered with love and with affection. I am thought of as a friend which I am.
- Shirley Temple on Shirley Temple (I didn’t make that up, honest)

Her admirers – middle-aged men and clergymen – respond to her dubious coquetry, to the sight of her well-shaped and desirable little body, packed with enormous vitality, only because the safety curtain of story and dialogue drops between their intelligence and their desire.
- Graham Greene on Shirley Temple

I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick
- Weird Al Yankovic on Shirley Temple

Shirley Temple is seriously creepy. Born 1928, this mop-headed Lolita just refuses to die. A child star in such pedophile-approved vehicles as Polly Tix in Washington (where she played a 4 year old prostitute), War Babies (a 5 year old barmaid), Wee Willie Winkie (don’t ask), and Littlest Rebel (in which she illustrates how happy those ever-jolly colored folk are as slaves — so long as they are allowed to dance and sing), Shirley grew up to choose the political life over the limelight. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 20, 2007 at 6:58 am

WTF Films: Once a Year

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We’ve all heard the legends: If you look in the mirror on Friday the 13th (or Halloween, or any random day, really), and you repeat, “Bloody Mary” 3 times, the tortured young soul who took her life on that unfortunate date will reveal herself and creep you the fuck out (or kill you, possibly). How much stock to put into such a legend is entirely up to you.

Well, legend has it that once a year, 3 very lucky individuals have the opportunity to “party” with a fellow named Iceland Jeremiah Jeremiah Jones who sports a twink haircut and a confounding T-shirt–but only if they: Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

November 19, 2007 at 5:29 am

What’s wrong with you people?

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It’s that time again, kids! A list of RationReality’s favorite incoming searches, linked up to the related posts and/or in-site searches. Oh, yeah, and a picture of boobies, too. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 18, 2007 at 4:11 am

The Writer’s Strike: An insider’s view

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In case you haven’t been watching the late-night rerurns for the last week, we’re in the middle of a TV writer’s strike. It’s come to my attention that many are not entirely clear on what the issue(s) is/are in this strike. This isn’t surprising; the last time the Guild that represents TV/Film writers struck was nearly 20 years ago. Also, there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding both sides. For instance many people believe that professional screenwriters make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. Truthfully, there are a few in that league, but they’ve usually been at it for decades and have a few Seinfelds and X-Files-es under their belts. They’re the rainmakers, the hit-doctors. Most writers make within the range of what a plumber or mechanic might make, except their employment situations are far more transient and far less secure. When you factor in the necessity of living in 2 of the most expensive areas of the country (New York and Los Angeles), it can be pretty challenging to keep food on the table in such a profession. Similarly, we think of producers as being fat cats in $3,000 suits who rule their productions with iron, well-manicured fists. In reality, they are often significantly beholden to other interests: networks, sponsors and investors, who all exact their pound of flesh and sap a little more control away from the prod’s.

Royalties, residuals, format convergence…does anyone outside a 818 or 212 area code know what these are? In a Ration Reality Exclusive, a Hollywood professional involved with a major network production has graciously taken a minute to explain the situation for our readers with the insight only a true insider can have. He has asked that his name be withheld. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

November 16, 2007 at 3:21 am

LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader

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It is told that Buddha, going out to look on life, was greatly daunted by death. “They all eat one another!” he cried, and called it evil. This process I examined, changed the verb, said, “They all feed one another,” and called it good.  – Charlotte Perkins Gilman

Roadkill + lol = lolkill.
Like lolcats, but deader.


Wait for it…wait for it… wait for it… LOL!!!1


Squirrel Jesus died for ur sins. Squirrel Jesus loves you. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 15, 2007 at 12:34 pm

Shotacon with Tom Corbett

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 15, 2007 at 7:19 am

Books that Exist: The History of Shit

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Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 14, 2007 at 6:18 pm

Parliament Gets Well

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 Freedom is Slavery

Apparently, it’s not just Americans like me that are becoming lardasses. It looks as though merry old England has gotten a little too merry with her bread pudding and spotted dick. The United Kingdom holds the dubious distinction of being the “Fattest Country in the European Union”. I can’t argue with that, really. If I lived in a cold, dreary, rainy climate whose cuisine is wrought with fat, I’d be one of those poor shlubs whom Richard Simmons has to  knock down walls to extricate from their homes. So what to do when you’re a socialistic nanny-state with a societal health problem? Well, you take a page from Orwell’s book–literally.

During an address to the Royal Statistical Society, Professor Julien le Grand, current chair of private well-being think tank Health England (and adviser to former Prime Minister Tony Blair, proposed an “Exercise Hour” for British workers. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Soylent Ape

November 14, 2007 at 3:36 am

What did you pay for “In Rainbows”?

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A contribution from the mind of ZachAction. All of RationReality is one collective screaming ZA fangirl!

So when Radiohead released their new album on their website a few weeks ago and let you pay whatever you want, what did you pay? I paid eight bucks and I never pay for ANYTHING anymore. I’m so used to illegally downloading things for free, I am now sometimes dismayed and outraged that I actually have to still pay for things, like a new sofa. But I paid eight bucks for “In Rainbows” and I probably would have paid a little more if I had known how much I’d like it, but after “Hail to the Thief,” who knew?

My point in all this is that my music is available for free all the time on my website, www.zachaction.com. For Christ’s sake, go download the album “Dinner at Michigan’s” already.

That really is my main point, but I’ll throw something else in. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by The Bagel of Everything

November 13, 2007 at 3:07 pm