On November 4, a new series began here at RationReality, in which we celebrate the lives of our favorite celebrities by writing their about their eventual deaths. We do this to quiet the deep soul-stirring fear that we will be too busy to care on the day these Gods among men actually meet their end.  To this end, Soylent Ape brings us our second edition of Rest in Peace - In Advance.

Ration Reality PreBituary: Audrey Tautou (1978-2020)

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We’ve got a shiny new multiple-choice greeting card available for you to not buy because you’re a cheap bastard.

 Outside: (Flames) In deepest sympathy

Inside:

I’ve just heard that you’re
going the hell for being
□gay.  □jewish.  □a furry.
□ugly.  □an asshole.  □dead. 

□Good luck with that.
□Stay away from me.
□Die soon.
□Wanna go out sometime? (more…)

BF1: Not your grandfather’s flaming, hairy, middle-aged, Euro-boy Band

BearForce 1 is taking the “boy” out of “Boy Band”. Comprised of 4 gay men with a penchant for pastel polos and Eurodance rhythms, BF-1 have been making waves in the gay community in recent months. Sporting beards and a few extra pounds, BearForce combines smoking hot vocals and synchronized moves with beats that will jump-start any dance floor. They are making their presence known on the net with their first promotional video having “gone viral” (no pun intended) on the Youtubes and boasting over a million hits to date. Furthermore, they lay claim to the title of “World’s First Bear Band”. Note that I didn’t say “Hair Bear Band. That would look something like this: (more…)

It appears that way, items before you throw them away.
- Soylent Ape (in his sleep)

I was looking for a site that I remember seeing a long time ago. I thought it was anticonsumerism.com. I was wrong. Seems it’s being squatted on by someone who desperately needs to consume a dictionary.

AntiConsumerism: Your shopping portal! I wonder if they sell Irony^TM

I still haven’t found the site I wanted, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t it, either. Stoopid Go Ogle.

Related posts: I dream of eBay with real human hair - The Scat of Luxury
Ration Reality Comics: Retail Therapy - What’s an integrity?

Perhaps we’d have less to worry about when it comes to global warming if the UN would stop blowing smoke up our areses!

Case in point: Between December 3 and December 14, The United Nations Climate Change Conference will be held at Nusa Dua on the resort island of Bali, Indonesia. (Why don’t they ever have these meetings in places like Buffalo or Cincinnati?) It will see representatives from nearly 190 nations, along with their staff, media personnel, and observers from non-governmental organizations to hammer out environmental policy and administer the soon-to-expire Kyoto Protocol (and golf, tan, play tennis, sail, fish, hit the duty-frees…) All-in-all, the delegates will number over 10,000. Their decisions will affect the way we will use energy, pay for energy and, largely, live our lives. Not the decisions about whether to snorkel or go to the masseuse between “meetings”, I mean the ones pertaining to energy consumption taxes, alternative energy strategies, minimum mpg/kl standards for motor vehicles and reallocation of energy resources. The stated intent of the conference is to create a successor to the Kyoto Protocol to be enacted by 2009 (in between the tennis, sailing and 5-star dining, of course). (more…)

The worst part: Soy and I actually know this guy. He’s the drummer for Craptain Jack and the Shmees. RobDogtheParrot has this to say about his film: “Bored. Dead squirrel. Dave Brockie Experience. It just all came together.”

Related posts: WTF Films: Once a Year - LolKill: Like LolCats, but deader

I wonder…do you think, maybe..it could be the same squirrel?

LOLTHULHU
CTHULHU FHTAGN CHEEZBURGER

Pets? Check! - Astronauts? Check! - Robots? Check! - Roadkill? Check! - StarTrek? Check! - Softcore gay Porn? Check! Tony Danza? Check! - Programing languages? Check! -  Depictions of Christianity in Classical art? Check! RSS blog feeds? Check! A specific monster god from an old horror novel? Ohhhh! I think I foun… No, wait… Cthulhu = Check!

It’s official. Everything has been lol’d.  Someone hurry and invent new things so they can be lol’d! Oh, and for the record: We are merely innocent web surfers. We sooo didn’t do this. (more…)

16 Volt - 2 Wires Thin
The video is user-created suckage, but the song has owned me since college. (more…)

 Chrysler, LLC has announced that, after 8 years in production, the PT Cruiser will bow out of the automaker’s line in 2008. Along with the ill-received SUV/wagon/thing Pacifica and the “midlife-crisis-for-underachievers” known as the Crossfire, the ‘Cruiser will depart with little fanfare after the end of the model year’s production run. (more…)

It’s Hanukkah, and I’m here to say:
You killed my Lord, but that’s ok!

Happy Hanukkah to you!
May the Hanuchihuahua bring you the best basket of stupid chocolate coins and lame wooden toys ever!

Now, go read this: Save the world, pitch your menorah!

At times such as these, is it really that wise to think that we could save the world through FEWER prayers? Apparently some environmentalists think so, as they are encouraging Jews to light one less candle for Hanukkah.

Also, it talks about saving the world via unhygienic sex.