Canada says: It’s ok to torture, if you’re our friend
Canada puts US on its shit list, we find the list, Canada says “Oh my god, like I’m sooo sorry, America! It was a mistake! You’re like totally my BFF! Don’t be mad at me!”
The Shit List, or “Torture List” as it’s being called around the mainstream media, is part of a Torture Awareness Course– a power point presentation designed to train diplomats to recognize prisoner abuse. It seems we were included on the list for “forced nudity, isolation and sleep deprivation” at our Guantanamo Bay slumber party. Sheesh, Canada — who put your bra in the freezer?
“It contains a list that wrongly includes some of our closest allies. I have directed that the manual be reviewed and rewritten,” back peddles Maxime Bernier, Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs. Notice he doesn’t say we don’t torture, just that it’s ok when ’cause we’re in the same clique.
Welcome to 8th Grade World Diplomacy. Our little Canadia is growing up! Seriously, Canada. You need to Git’Mo’ balls. Read the rest of this entry »
Free Hookers in Prague…with a catch
While selling sex is legal in the Czech Republic, one Prague brothel, Big Sister, won’t sell it to you. It’s free. You walk right in, choose your girl, sign a waiver, and bang the night away– all for free. No catch! Unless you count that waiver… Read the rest of this entry »
Bizarre Foreign Commercials Vol III
British Car Commercial
The scene is set. A shiny, cramped-looking car parked in an unassuming neighborhood beguiles a poor kitty-cat with its open sunroof. The cat’s natural curiosity compels it to stick its head inside when the glass closes on the cat’s neck, ultimately decapitating him. This gruesome ad tells me: “Buy a Sportka…if you want to find a cat’s head in your front seat one day!” I’m surprised the British Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals hasn’t waylayed this killer car off of the market. Seriously, they say serial killers start first with animals. Get this psychotic car off of Britain’s motorways! Read the rest of this entry »
Idle hands are best served cold
Saturday, January 5th — Hayden, Idaho
Mr. Name Withheld, mid 20’s, sees the mark of the beast on his hand, wraps a tourniquet around his wrist, cuts it off with a circular saw, microwaves it (?!), then calls 911. Surprise: He’s now relaxing in a mental hospital.
“It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived,” sheriff’s Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. “He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn’t bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad.”
That’s pretty much it.
Sources: KUTV – Seattle Times – Fox News
Somebody should totally make a movie about that. Oh, wait, they have!
Idle Hands
Srsly, I love this movie.
You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a bad thing.
You say ‘lemming’ like it’s a tote bag!
…or a hoodie, baby bib, thong panty, postcard…
CafePress.com/BadLemming
The revolution will be merchandised.
Go Cry, Emo Senator
The New Hampshire primaries are known for surprises, but the turn of fortunes that saw dark horse Hillary Clinton definitively carry the state was nothing short of historic. She wasn’t given a fighting chance in the Granite State given the multitude of polls that showed as much. Still, by Tuesday evening, she had emerged a winner. The sophisticated media polls were wrong. The early exit polls didn’t tell the whole story, either. Shows what you know, MSNBC.
The last 24 hours, I’ve been going over the events, puzzling over what turned the tide. Here’s what we know from the intense media coverage:
1) There was a record turnout.
2) Young voters seemed especially mobilized
3) Hillary Clinton (ostensibly) showed a little emotion when she choked back a tear (when asked how she remains “upbeat”).
Obama must have thought he’d struck gold when he got the Oprah endorsement. Leave it to a Clinton to out-oprah Oprah. So…Young voters? Responding to a candidate crying? This can mean only one thing: Emos will be the deciding factor in the 08 elections! Any candidates who value their candidacy had better set to work at coddling these eyepatch-wearing Hot Topic denizens. Read the rest of this entry »
The Circumcision of Jesus
Loltheist made me do it. They’re a bad influence on my artistic integrities!
Related posts: Ode to My Husband’s Missing Foreskin - All your Lego are belong to Jesus
Making bathtime lulz of fun
I found these hygiene helpers yesterday, while Kevin was taunting me re: my preference for keeping my salad untossed.
Canus Li’l Goat’s(e) Milk Fruit Fragranced Crayon Soap
How many wrongs can you find?
More ill conceived products:
The tiniest Santa - The Nipple Extractor - A lure worse than the disease
The Scat of Luxury - Jesus Saves … guitar picks?
Band of the Month: The Chubby Chasers
ЯR January’s Official Band: The Chubby Chasers ЯR
Hip-hop has always embraced a culture of fatness. A big, bassy rhythm is a “fat beat”. A cool stereo or article of clothing might be called “phat”. And those ridiculously fat gold ropes Erik B and Rakim wore back in the day? They were phat, too. Look at the legendary hip-hop artists, from the Fat Boys to Biz Markie to Notorious B-I-G, whose body types were just another part of their artistic personae. It should come as no surprise, then, that a rap act would come along to celebrate the females with a little more to love! (Nearly 2/3 of Americans, including yours truly, are overweight– a clear majority. It’s about time the popular culture–if sometimes begrudgingly– accepts this.) Enter the RationReality Band of the Month: The Chubby Chasers. Read the rest of this entry »
Bitches Love Soylent Ape
In honor of Soylent Ape’s birthday, I’m posting his favorite youtube:
Mindless Self Indulgence’s Bitches, set to Pokémon clips. And guess what!? It doesn’t suck!
Good job, thebuttmaster – I’m sure your mommy is proud.
