Ration Reality

Hi ya! Did you miss me? I sure missed you! So where the fuck have I been? First I got sick. Real sick. Then I got depressed. Illness always triggers the downside of my manic-depression. The thing about my depressions is that I kinda sorta like them — at least I think I do when I’m in it. It envelopes me with a lovely kind of sleepiness. You know that awesome feeling when you wake up early, remember it’s Saturday, and you can go back to sleep? That’s it. That, and wishing everyone would just die so I could be left alone. I don’t realize just how miserable I’d felt until I’ve started recovering. So, now I’m dragging myself back out of that cozy dark corner. I’m ever grateful to you for sticking around.

My downtime wasn’t entirely spent sleeping in a blanket-fort. I did some stuff: Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t forget to have your breasts crushed by robots.

Homosexuality. Obesity. Online Dating. A hairy guy with a gold chain and weird red patches inside his thighs.  Nothing wrong with any of those things. Yet when you put them together, the result is…. odious.  

GayChubbyDating.com. Go there. Refresh the page a few times to cycle the images.
Masturbate and/or vomit, as nessesary.

Previous !Word!s: Mondegreen - Blepharoplasty - Cordyceps - Jenkem - CILF - Fursecution  

This was on an old roll of film I’ve just had developed.
If you zoom really tight on the first window you can see Soylent Ape’s reflection. Nice tie, handsome!

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An artist is attracted to certain kinds of form without knowing why. You adopt a position intuitively; only later do you attempt to rationalize or even justify it. - Fernando Botero, 1932-20??

Fernando Botero Angulo is totally famous — so famous, in fact, he calls himself “the most Colombian of Colombian artists”. He’s so proud of his Colombian heritage, he dropped his last name and moved to France! In 2005, he gained public recognition by exploiting the Abu Ghraib slumberparty.  I love his art in a way that makes me a bad person.

He paints stocky people with large foreheads (aka fivehead), beady eyes, and blank expressions.  Now, I’m not saying he’s obsessed with Down’s Syndrome. I’m just strongly suggesting it. Read the rest of this entry »

You’d best close your face and stay out my way if you don’t wanna go to Fist City…
‘Cause I’ll grab you by the hair a the head, and I’ll lift a you off a the ground.
Damn straight. She’s so Ghetto!

Two weeks ago, FoxNews.com released a list of 5 Reasons to See a Gynecologist Immediately.

1. Painful blister-like lesions on the vagina or rectal areas
2. Significant vaginal bleeding
3. Sudden, intense belly pain
4. Post menopausal bleeding.
5. New breast lump 

Thanks for that, Fox. I’m sure there’s someone out there who didn’t know. Like this girl, or maybe these ladies.

The internet is awash with reasons to see your doctor. No one ever talks about when to leave your doctor the hell alone. We here at ЯR aren’t in bed with the AMA, and welcome frivolous lawsuits. Just because I have no medical training doesn’t mean I can’t make up medical advice that will probably kill you.

Five Reasons to Leave Your Gynecologist The Hell Alone:

1. Rhythmic abdominal cramping followed by the excretion of a screaming, writhing lump of tissue: It’s nothing. Wrap it in plastic bags and bury it in your backyard. Your maternal instinct will tell you to toss it in a dumpster — don’t do this. As an avid viewer of CSI, I know the dumpster-method never ends well. Read the rest of this entry »

Art is the gift of God, and must be used unto his glory.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

♥ Autofellatio Kitten loves you. ♥

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 As an angry feminist, I love kicking men in the balls and pricking their scrotes with rusty pins. It doesn’t turn me on, but it sure makes me happy. Thanks to the magic of the internets, I’ve discovered something wondrous: there are men who not only enjoy such treatment, but will pay dearly for it! 

To prove to myself this wasn’t just internet lore, I went in search of hardcopy evidence. There is a damned fine mess of books out there on the subject; I think Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play & Torment is the one for me. Unfortunately, I was able to dig up precious little information about this book.

Here’s what the publisher has to say about it: Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t have anything interesting to say today, so here are some pictures of my dog being strangled by Sandy Paws.

Read the rest of this entry »