Armin Meiwes, Eater of Cocks
Cannibalism has been viewed, in Modern civilized society, through a surreal lens. From the Donner Party, to The Buoy’s upbeat cannibal anthem “Timothy”, to Ray Liotta being fed a piece of his own cerebrum by Anthony Hopkins, people feel that the very act of consuming human flesh is outlandish, regardless of how it’s done. One man, however, was determined to make the execution of his cannibalistic attempt as outrageous and unsettling as the act itself. His name: Armin Meiwes.
Born in Essen, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany on Dec. 1, 1962, Armin Meiwes (pron. My’-vuhs) was a quiet, unassuming kind, by most accounts. He was raised by a mother described as cold and domineering. So domineering was his dear mutti, that he rarely was allowed to play with his school chums or otherwise engage in most forms of social intercourse (including intercourse, it turns out–Frau Meiwes accompanied her son on dates. No aktion for little Armin.) In fact, scarcely a day went by that Meiwes didn’t see his mom. She lived with him for her whole life and even forced her way into maneuvers with his army unit during his compulsory military service. He wasn’t rid of the bitch until the day she died. And, yet, she lived on…in his mind!
So how did Meiwes deal with the stifling tough-love? The same way any level-headed schizoid would: by creating an imaginary brother, “Frank”, who would “listen” to him and developing a need to find someone to become “a part of him”.
Fast-forward a few decades to the dawn of the new millennium. While the rest of the world was fretting about their electricity cutting off or their garage doors not opening, Meiwes was beginning to succumb to the notion of making someone a part of him, a dream he’d maintained since childhood. Now, you gotta admire someone who puts it all on the line and goes after that dream, but Armin had something different in mind from finding his soulmate and getting married. The 39-year old computer technician placed an ad on a fetish website called “The Cannibal Café“, asking for a “volunteer” to allow Meiwes to kill, cook and consume him. Improbably, someone actually responded. For male prostitute/mutilation aficionado Bernd Brandes, becoming someone’s entrée sounded like a good idea.
Brandes dutifully reported to Meiwes’ home in Rotenburg (near Frankfurt in the state of Hesse) on March 9, 2001. In short order, Meiwes had cut off Brandes’ penis and attempted to prepare it in time for the two to consume it. As he waited for Brandes to die from either the massive blood loss or the livestock-sized dose of barbituates and alcohol he’d been given, Meiwes read a Star Wars novel. After 3 hours, an apparently impatient Meiwes decided to finish off the incredibly resilient Bardes with a knife in the throat. Afterward, Armin placed the corpse on a suspended meathook and gleefully began to fillet it. How do we know all these details? Why, it’s because Meiwes had been videotaping the incident. Duh!
After divulging details about his “meal” online, authorities were notified and Meiwes was arrested. On Jan. 30, 2004, Armin Meiwes was convicted of the German equivalent of manslaughter and was sentenced to 8 1/2 years in prison. Two years later, prosecutors were able to overturn his original conviction to that of murder, based on the premeditation involved in trolling for human food on a fetish site. Meiwes will serve a term of life in prison for his crime.
Fun Facts about Armin:
*At Brandes’ insistence, Meiwes attempted to bite the penis off. The proboscis proved to be too “tough” and, after several painful tries, a steak knife was ultimately used.
*German industrial metal band Rammstein wrote the song “Mein Teil” (English: “My Part”) with inspiration from the Meiwes case. The bridge includes the line “Du Bist, Was du isst” (literally, “you are what you eat”).
*Meiwes intended to sauté the penis with proper seasoning, allowing the 2 men to share it before Brandes died. Unfortunately, Meiwes burned it beyond the point of enjoyment. Way to go, Dumbass!
*The 2007 horror film Butterfly: a Grimm Love Story was loosely based on the Meiwes case. It was banned in Germany.
*As a commentary on the worldwide press response to the Meiwes case, Juggalo rapper Necro in the song “Human Consumption” wrote the line “It’s legal in Germany, believe me. Cannibals are Celebrities”.
*Over 10 months, Meiwes feasted upon nearly 50 pounds of his Victim’s flesh.
*Shortly after being locked up, Meiwes became a vegetarian!
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Is this your way of telling me that these pants make me look fat?
Kevin
6 May 08 at 3:48 pm
I could see it if he was hungry
micky2
6 May 08 at 3:59 pm
I’m so eat up with the PMS right now, sauted penis sounds like a balanced meal.
The Bagel of Everything
6 May 08 at 4:29 pm
Oh, I’ll go find somethin else to do.
Be well.
micky2
6 May 08 at 4:56 pm
Kevin’s swastika-tar makes him look fat
The Bagel of Everything
6 May 08 at 4:58 pm
Ok, I think I missed something and I’m not going back through a bunch of fucking comments to find out what it is. Why does everyone have those god forsaken square things as avatars/ Is it something new and people don’t know how to be original?
They all look alike to me and I can’t tell who is who now. shish
capricorn1966
6 May 08 at 7:34 pm
Oops! I meant to make it today’s sidebar news, but I kinda forgot.
The Bagel of Everything
6 May 08 at 7:47 pm
that’s dumb.
capricorn1966
6 May 08 at 8:17 pm
I mean it’s dumb that a computer generates an object that resembles each other. And they’re ugly to boot.
capricorn1966
6 May 08 at 8:29 pm
I guess it’s nice that everyone gets an avatar, but they do look strange–kinda like Picasso-designed tablecloths .
Soylent-Ape
6 May 08 at 9:20 pm
I see dead avatars
micky2
6 May 08 at 9:33 pm
Anyone is welcome to make a wordpress.com account and set their own avatar. And Soy, you need to login so your old one will show.
The other options are wavatar and monsterID. I went with Identicon because I think it’s going to become the WPc standard.
I’m trying out the others right now. I’ve just set it to wavatar. I kinda like it better.
Strike that: It’s MonsterID now — I think it’s a keeper. What do ya’ll think?
update: fuck it. I turned it all off. I hate everything and everyone. Times like this, I wish chocolate wasn’t so fucking disgusting. Stupid PMS.
The Bagel of Everything
6 May 08 at 9:38 pm
I gots a novel idea.
Why dont we put real pictures of ourselves up there ?
That would really change the feel of things.
micky2
6 May 08 at 10:20 pm
AJ Jenice is sick.
Lets all swing by her blog and wish her well.
micky2
6 May 08 at 10:37 pm
I’m on it.
Jenice’s blog.
The Bagel of Everything
6 May 08 at 10:42 pm
I remember that gruesome story…love the fun facts at the end… I didn’t know Miewes became a vegetarian!
Freddy
7 May 08 at 12:00 am
Would eating only vegetarians count ?
micky2
7 May 08 at 12:59 am
I eat vegetarians all the time–they’re called cows and chickens. I don’t think that counts.
Soylent Ape
7 May 08 at 5:58 am
Baygs! I’m all et up with PMS, too! Shoot stuff?
The 'Goose
7 May 08 at 9:06 am
Bagel, I need a new banner, what with me withdrawing from the election and all.
keywork.
7 May 08 at 9:33 am
withdrawal?
capricorn1966
7 May 08 at 10:10 am
What the fuck ?
micky
7 May 08 at 10:17 am
“Withdrawal: Making You Feel Empty Somehow.”
The 'Goose
7 May 08 at 10:39 am
The goose and the noose
micky
7 May 08 at 11:12 am
Goose: Yay shoot stuff!
Key: Hillary’s goons finally had that ‘talk’ with you, didn’t they? I’ll banner you something. Ideas?
The Bagel of Everything
7 May 08 at 12:27 pm
I don’t really like this working thing all day. It really cuts into my social being. So what did I miss? PMS, vegetarians, avatars, meat eaters. Hm….not much.
My PMS is in overload so people better just stay the fuck out of my way because they really are pissing me off today, you’re avatars look like constipated vomit and they make my eyes cross, and after seeing the dead little just born bird, I won’t be eating meat for a while, vegetarians are cool. I’m so damn tired I’m not sure what I just wrote.
but I’m excited about Eddie Izzard tonight.
capricorn1966
7 May 08 at 2:50 pm
Bang bang! Yeeeeeeeeeeeha!
The 'Goose
7 May 08 at 3:23 pm
Now we got two fuckin PMSrs to deal with.
First thing they do is warn everyone:
“Watch out ! I’m on the rag !”
This gives them an excuse to run around for a week acting like possesed assholes.
micky
7 May 08 at 3:33 pm
Bagel.
Actually it was keys head security detail that had a word with Hillary.
As long as she continues to make an even bigger idiot out of herself we promised to fold.
So far its working.
micky
7 May 08 at 3:36 pm
Yes, the plan is working.
keywork.
7 May 08 at 4:17 pm
I’m sad to lose the fun of the campaign, but I’m itchin to read the new, unfettered Keywork.
A persona as strictly defined as “Raccoon running for President” has to stifle one’s creativity.
I’m behind you, Key!
How’s bout the rest of ya’ll?
The Bagel of Everything
7 May 08 at 4:39 pm
As long as my checks dont bounce.
Big question is;
Are ya still a coon ?
micky
7 May 08 at 4:56 pm
Bagel !!
Wheres my avatar ?
micky
7 May 08 at 4:57 pm
Still a raccoon, unfettered, ya know?
Bagel: I don’t really need people behind me so much. I don’t want Kevin getting any ideas.
keywork.
7 May 08 at 5:00 pm
Micky: Are you sure you’re logged in to wpc?
The Bagel of Everything
7 May 08 at 5:14 pm
I’m sorry, my bad.
Well, almost my bad. For some reason I got logged out when I never did it myself. That happens some times.
SORRY.
micky2
7 May 08 at 5:45 pm
The best know when it’s time to bow out. It was a good run, Key.
Soylent Ape
7 May 08 at 5:45 pm
Shhhhh.
Its all part of the strategery.
micky2
7 May 08 at 5:53 pm
Who volunteers to be eaten? I mean, seriously. If you want to die, throw yourself under a train. That’ll solve the problem real quick. Just don’t jump off a freeway overpass. My girlfriend’s cousin had that happen. Not a pleasant experience to have a dead guy on the hood of your car when you’re going 70 mph.
Cody
7 May 08 at 9:12 pm
@ Cody: I know that happens, but I’ve never personally known anyone who’s had a jumper land on his/her car. I’m sure that was a bit of a shock, to say the least.
Soylent Ape
7 May 08 at 9:41 pm
I had a jumper land on my car when I was only 18.
It was a big fucking deer. He had been in someone’s yard when they came outside, startling him. He tried to jump across the road to the mountainside, but he misjudged.
He was laying on the windshield of my car, all bloody. I thought I’d hit a person.
That prolly doesn’t have anything to do with anything.
What were we talking about, again?
The Bagel of Everything
7 May 08 at 10:09 pm
I watched a chick jumper get cut in half by an overhang.
I’ll never forget that noise
micky2
7 May 08 at 11:50 pm
I guess not. I would say that would leave a impression that lasts forever.
@ Bagel: I think 2 out of 3 drivers in WV have probably hit a deer at some point. A friend of mine hit a deer in a Nissan 240 x and knocked the deer off its feet. The deers head crashed through the sunroof and–for a split second–they were looking straight at each other, screaming.
Soylent Ape
8 May 08 at 5:35 am
…..Paul Lynde.
Kevin
8 May 08 at 8:29 am
Soy: Thanks, friend. On to trashier pastures.
keywork.(not for president)
8 May 08 at 8:47 am
Hah !
Soy. That reminded me of that movie with Chris Farley. Was it Tommy Boy ?
Where the deer woke up in the back seat and kicked the shit out of the car from the inside out.
micky2
8 May 08 at 10:21 am
Soy: Hitting a deer and being hit by a deer are different things. The deer hit me, damnit!
The Bagel of Everything
8 May 08 at 3:38 pm
It sounds more like you ran into each other.
micky2
8 May 08 at 3:49 pm
Yeah, that’s what the deer’s lawyer kept saying.
The Bagel of Everything
8 May 08 at 4:33 pm
Did ya cut it up and eat it ?
micky2
8 May 08 at 4:45 pm
@ Micky: Actually, it’s against the law to do that. It makes it too easy to “hunt” deer with your car.
@ Kevin: There was a guy in my quality team years ago who looked a lot like Paul Lynde.. and talked just like Paul Lynde. It was like working with Uncle Arthur.
Soylent Ape
8 May 08 at 9:20 pm
Aw c’mon Soy !
That cant be for real.
How many people actually run around running into deer with their car intentionally ?
Wouldnt your car get pretty fucked up pretty soon ?
I mean yea, you should have license and take your kill legally.
But was the law really so people wouldnt use their cars?
micky2
8 May 08 at 9:31 pm
The deer got up and ran away.
My mom said she called Game & Wildlife, and they tracked it. It seemed to have recovered.
Or it died horribly, and she was lying…just like the time when I was 4 and they told me my kitty had ran away. I spent days outside calling her name and peering through the vents in the foundation. She waited until I was 17, when we were shitfaced in the back of her friend’s car, to tell me Goldie had been hit by a car.
The Bagel of Everything
8 May 08 at 11:09 pm
@ MIcky: in states where deer are prevalent, people “headlight” deer all the time. They go out into the fields or forest and lock a deer in the headlights. They shoot it, throw it in the bed of the truck or prop it on the hood and drive home. If they were allowed to take home road kill, they could just say that they hit it on the highway.
It seems like a waste, but, honestly, you wouldn’t be able to salvage much of the meat. The impact causes immense bruising and gives more tender tissues a semi-gelatinous texture.
Soylent Ape
9 May 08 at 6:26 am
Mmmmm… jello.
The 'Goose
9 May 08 at 8:07 am
Headlighting and then shooting them makes sense , if yer a chicken shit punk.
Fuck, at least give the animal a running chance. I mean today its supposed to be “sport” right ?
Thats kinda like shooting fish in a barrel.
I’ve come close to hitting a deer twice in Oregon. It was scary cuz I knew if I turned too sharply I would slide off the road.
I did shoot one by accident, long story, meth involved.
I imagine road kill would also stand the chance of broken bowels and bladders contaminating the meat also.
Definatly not kosher.
I think we’ve all beat our meat and had it turn to jello before.
micky2
9 May 08 at 8:49 am
I knew some avid deer hunters in Pennsylvania when I lived in that part of the country. One shot a deer and it went down. When they were certain the deer wouldn’t kick the fuck out of them, they went over to pull out the arrow. After they dislodged the arrow, there was this sound of air escaping and the most horrendous odor this side of a rotting corpse. They’d penetraded the intestine and the scent was deer gas being forced out of the opening.
I’m the worst bowhunter around. I’d miss by miles.
Soylent Ape
10 May 08 at 10:39 am
I can stick a knife in yer forehead from about 20 ft away.
I used to have one of those little pistol type crossbows. Customized it with extra lbs and razor bolts. It was aluminum so I polished every square inch. Everyone thought it was chrome.
People got scared just looking at it. All I ever shot was mangos.
Hit a pidgeon once on purpose by accident.
I was so far away I didnt think I would hit it. Casually took the shot. Fucking A if the bird didnt just fall outta the tree.
I felt like shit.
micky2
10 May 08 at 11:12 am
A crossbow is a different animal. I’m not so bad with one, because they’re far more stable. That’s not to say I’m great, either.
I woulda liked to have seen that crossbow. Sounds like something out of a Road Warrior-type film.
Soylent Ape
10 May 08 at 1:54 pm
Exactly ! very much like that little one in the movie.
It came flat black and I stripped off the paint
It reminded me of some shiney sinister surgical instrument.
I sold it for a dime bag.
micky2
10 May 08 at 4:22 pm
I love crossbows. They combine the lethality of a shoulder bow with the stability of a rifle. By law you can’t own them in my state, which sucks.
Soylent Ape
11 May 08 at 1:55 am
The best part is that they just look really fuckin cool.
And they’re quiet.
micky2
11 May 08 at 3:12 am
True ‘dat.
Soylent Ape
11 May 08 at 6:52 am