Dear Internet: I think something’s stuck in there

Posted in HE BOUGHT ME A HOOKAH, advice, ask the internet, health, hygiene by The Bagel of Everything on May 5th, 2008

Dear Internet,

I met my biological father yesterday, and now my pee comes out sideways.
Is this just a coincidence, or should I get tested?

Touched,
Bagel

Last time on Ask the Internet: Anilingus Breath Strips

64 Responses to 'Dear Internet: I think something’s stuck in there'

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Freddy said, on May 5th, 2008 at 12:33 am

You better have a full blood panel…
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 12:38 am

He rented us a hookah to share, but we used protection.
Honest.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 1:00 am

Most dicks point left or right. Depending on how you stash it
JaSoN...ReTaiL hELL!!!! said, on May 5th, 2008 at 1:48 am

CONFUCIUS SAYS: The reason your pee comes out sideways Bagel is because u are laying ‘on your side.’

…..Try peeing STANDING UP! …..U GOLDEN SHOWER GIRL!

P.s. ….I know a “DIRTY LITTLE SECRET” about you!
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 3:21 am

Micky: The more interesting ones bend upward. Kinda like a g-spot dowsing rod.

Jason: I’ve tried standing while I pee. The Stanley Steamer guy suggested I not do that anymore.
Also, I wasn’t aware I had any dirty little secrets. Do tell!
Soylent-Ape said, on May 5th, 2008 at 5:36 am

Where did you put that hookah, anyway?

Strangely enough, my ass hurts today. WTF?
Marc said, on May 5th, 2008 at 6:24 am

Hi Soy. ;)
Kevin said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:46 am

Seen a lot of dicks Micky?
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:48 am

Yea Kevin.
I was raised in an age when we all were required to shower after gym, and gays were mostly still in the closet.
But I knew who the gay ones were. They were the ones who got boners around other naked men.
Anyone with a boner got the towel snap treatment or stuffed in a locker. One guy got stuck for two hours before the janitor found him.
And then theres the whole porno thing.

Bagel, stashing your dick in an upright position can be paiful in collisions.
Kevin said, on May 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am

I bet that all of that didn’t make the erection go down.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 11:14 am

No encores, trust me.
WDL said, on May 5th, 2008 at 11:22 am

There is no sense in getting tested. Just take the works out of a bic pen, and shove it up there. It’ll be working just like your old urethra in no time.

I’m not only a spokesperson for this method, but a satisfied customer.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 11:49 am

Sometimes pubes get in the way.
Its happened to me. I get the split stream sometimes
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Ok, pubes and bics. Got it.

Also, next time I’m in a highschool lockerroom, I know where to find slightly damp gay boys. That’s good to know.

Thanks, internet!

So should I worry that we opened more johnnys than we threw away? Mommy always taught me to count the prophylactics before and after, like a surgeon does with sponges.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Gives a new meaning to the word “slingshot”
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm

OMG! It’s Slather a Mexican with Mayonnaise Day!

How could I have forgotten?
Where the hell is Kevin when we need him?
The 'Goose said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:03 pm

It’s easy to forget. That’s why I mark it on my calendar with giant buckets.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:05 pm

Yeah, lets all get piss drunk in the name of celebrating a holiday that has nothing to do with us.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:05 pm

I’ve been so busy, what with celebrating the other 30 days of May.

I call it Gringo de Mayo.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

I remember when those warnings first came out. The kids was up to his feet in the bucket. PC patrol probably said it was cruel and made them change it.
The 'Goose said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

WTF is it with kids and buckets? I don’t remember being drawn to buckets of any kind as a child. Unless they had a lot of drugs in them, but come on.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

I was.
http://k43.pbase.com/o4/65/76265/1/64552615.w5HoymRm.IMG_2166buckethead.jpg
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Hey kids! I’ve just turned on the new WPc feature Identicons.

Folks who don’t normally have an avatar beside their name will now have their own unique automatically-generated one.

If you’d rather choose your own avatar, you’ll need to make an account with gravatar.com or wordpress.com

I’ve not used gravatar.com, but I’ve heard good things. If you choose to make a wordpress account instead, remember: you don’t have to sign up for a wordpress blog to do so, and you can still have your name link to your url, whatever your host may be.

If you already have a gravatar or wpc account, but you don’t see your chosen avatar, try logging out and logging back in to your account.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Isnt that special ?
They look like table cloths
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:35 pm

They do, don’t they?

I kinda like Marc’s and WDL’s.
Sorry, Goose, but yours looks like a quilting square.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

Reminds me of Escher
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:46 pm

I’ll stick with mine, thank you. Can you tell what it is? I lighten up and I couldn’t get to go darker.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:48 pm

I thought Mick’s was Hiroshima, until he told me it was the sunset he’s been searching for all his life.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

I’m so god damn tired that I didn’t even notice you were sewing a fucking quilt together.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:51 pm

I thought micky’s had something to do with Japan.

I can’t tell what yours is, cappy. A toucan sunbathing nude?

Micky: This made me think of you.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 4:58 pm

It’s a martini that I was holding. go to my space vacation pictures, 2nd row down, it’s the one next to me breaking the tomb stone.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 5:03 pm

No. I zoomed in. I’m absolutely sure it’s a toucan sunning itself at a topless beach. It appears to be somewhere in southern France, but I can’t be certain at that resolution.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 5:06 pm

call it what you wish the fucker the tasted good and made me feel fabulous
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

Bagel.
Its happened.
Cap.
Its a sunrise.
Actually its what I settled for cuz I dont have any pics I can download. If I had pics I dont know how top do it anyway. I learned how to cut n paste 6 months after I got this contraption.
I probably do less with my computer than most people and still screw it up more than most people.
I never even started a file in 1 1/2 years.
How do you guys words like “here” to act like links ?
I’m humbling myself here so dont make fun of me or I’ll get mad.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:19 pm

I know this one, I know this one.

go to frequently asked questions it’s at the bottom of the page, there will be a list of words click on links and there will be questions on that subject. click, how to write links. it’s easy, Ive been doing it for a year and still have to look at how it done.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm

sorry mick a sunrise, I forgot. You did tell me.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:41 pm

Uhhh, Cap.
What page ?
I see FAQ everywhere.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:45 pm

I came across this and thought I was at RR.
http://www.rightpundits.com/?p=1425#comments.

Is it hungry, or angry ?
Soylent Ape said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:50 pm

Marc: Uh…hi.

‘Goose: Because the word sounds like “fuck it”.

@ Micky: You gotta love Buckethead. He gets his virtuoso guitar-playing strength from the spirits of the millions of chickens slaughtered by the fast-food industry each day, which is why he wears a KFC container on top of his large cranium. Schizos can be fun if you keep them away from guns and sharp objects! I don’t see a lot of Escher in the icons. I guess I just associate him more with impossible concepts.

@ Capricorn: Martinis tend to leave me shakin’ and slurred.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:53 pm

Yea soy, I get ya. but Escher does a lot of repetition and pattern that graduates and morhps into other shapes.
Bucket head definatly has the reflex like chickens with no heads.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

Micky: Like this, love
<a href=http://www.example.com>here</a>

It doesn’t matter tho, pasting links directly into the comment works fine.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:05 pm

The Identicons look like Escher because they’re mathmatically derived from your IP. That way they’re unique, and people with a static IP will always have the sameo one.

More info.

Also, I’ve always figured Buckethead was GNR’s Slash.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Yes they do, Soy, so it’s best if you buy the blow up pool and fill before you indulge.
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:13 pm

and by ‘pool’ she means ‘doll‘.
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:16 pm

either one goes well with martinis
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:17 pm

you can get naked with both.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Shouldnt Kevins be pink instead of green ?
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:28 pm

What are you trying to say about Kevin, Micky?
capricorn1966 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 8:32 pm

kevin likes pink?
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 9:00 pm

Am in trouble ?
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Rainbow?
Kevin said, on May 5th, 2008 at 9:35 pm

I’m a black rainbow and I’m an ape of god. I got a face that’s made for doing violence upon. I’m a teen distortion, survived abortion; a rebel from the waist down
The Bagel of Everything said, on May 5th, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Manson is in emo-denial.

I like your avatar…the others are all symetrical but yours looks like it was woven by LSD spiders
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 10:06 pm

From up on the ceiling it looks like 4 geckos with cocktails on a square table.
micky2 said, on May 5th, 2008 at 10:07 pm

Mines would probably come out looking like an 8 eyed spider.
Soylent Ape said, on May 6th, 2008 at 5:51 am

@ Micky: I get the Escher comparison now. These avatars are mathematical representations of our IPs. Escher’s work was rooted in geometry.

Cap: Thanks for the advice, but I’m not classy enough to have an inflatable pool (or doll).

What does it say about Kevin when his avatar is a reverse swastika?

@ Bagel: The whole Buckethead/Slash deal has been around for a long time, but I don’t buy it–largely because the two couldn’t stand to be in the same room, anymore.
keywork. said, on May 6th, 2008 at 8:18 am

I’m glad you enjoyed our little family reunion, Bagel. Sorry about your pee-trap. Not really. Let’s see what my little random avatar thingie looks like.
keywork. said, on May 6th, 2008 at 8:18 am

Of course it would fucking be pink. Goddamn you, wordpress. I will have my vengeance. And my hookah.
micky2 said, on May 6th, 2008 at 9:18 am

They all look like Hawaiian quilts.
http://www.hsq.net/Bed/hibiscus_b.html
The 'Goose said, on May 6th, 2008 at 9:24 am

Mmmm… quilting bee. My quilt reads, “I went to RationReality.com and all I got was this lousy avatar.”
Kevin said, on May 6th, 2008 at 10:41 am

!reltiH liaH
The 'Goose said, on May 6th, 2008 at 10:41 am

Scratch that. I like this last one. It makes me want to smoke a hookah.
The 'Goose said, on May 6th, 2008 at 10:56 am

And now it makes me want to smoke it with Hitler. Hooray for the internets!
WDL said, on May 6th, 2008 at 11:17 am

omg Kevin. I’m going to peg you square in the nuts when I see you.

xo,
WDL