Ask the Internet
Dear Internet,
I am a germophobe, but my boyfriend wants me to lick his butt. What should I do and is he gay?
Sincerely,
Hygienocide
Closet Cootiemonger,
The Internet recommends the use of a dental dam. However, in these trying economic times, latex can be pricey. By placing a layer of Listerine Breath StripsЯR over his rectal area, you’ll not only protect yourself from the gayds, but you’ll be kissably fresh afterward. Remember: Mouth to ass and back again makes one healthy, wealthy, and fucking disgusting.
Also, he’s probably gay. Good luck with that.
Seriously,
The Internet.
You got a problem? Yo’, I’ll solve it. Ask your question here, while Bagel blogs it.
Ice ice Bagel. Dum dum dum duh dum dum. Vanilla ice ice Bagel.
Not to mention it’ll give him that nice burning sensation you normally have to pay tons of money for.
Bee
29 Apr 08 at 9:58 am
he is definitely gay
Freddy
29 Apr 08 at 11:26 am
Hes an environmentalist
micky2
29 Apr 08 at 11:52 am
oh my god my husband is gay. shit.
capricorn1966
29 Apr 08 at 12:38 pm
Or maybe he’s just an environmentalist
capricorn1966
29 Apr 08 at 12:51 pm
“Ice ice Bagel.” There goes the neighborhood.
The 'Goose
29 Apr 08 at 1:21 pm
I don’t think you understand, Cap.
‘Environmentalist’ is basically just a code word for ‘there’s gay, then there’s your husband’.
I’d say you’re SOL, but apperently ‘S’ is something you won’t be ‘O’ of while getting ‘L’-ey with the ‘viro.
-Noble.
Noble
29 Apr 08 at 1:22 pm
I’d never heard the term used in that way. It’s my new favorite.
The Bagel of Everything
29 Apr 08 at 1:36 pm
No, an environmentalist is just to fuckin cheap to buy asswipes
Even the thought of paper money drives em insane
micky2
29 Apr 08 at 4:03 pm
Do they make tongue condoms ?
micky2
29 Apr 08 at 4:14 pm
Capricorn: I hope that your husband will step back from what everybody else thinks so that he can finally be honest with himself and so that he can finally admit to the world…that he’s an environmentalist.
Micky: Environmentalists and Tunisians.
Noble: Are you a poet? That comment made me want to get my upright bass.
Please, Bagel, Don’t Hurt ‘Em.
Soylent-Ape
29 Apr 08 at 7:22 pm
Cap, you poor , poor girl.
Now I understand everything.
XXOO
micky2
29 Apr 08 at 7:29 pm
[...] post Ask The Internet, was a topic on any question you may need answered by, the Internet, AKA, The Bagel of [...]
Deep Within Sticky Fingers « A Different Kind of World
29 Apr 08 at 9:29 pm
Noble thanks for clearing that up for me. I really need to get book on slang everything cause I’m with bagel, I never heard that before.
but isn’t an asshole whether it’s gay or not, men or women have the same feeling. Am I wrong in saying that you can have an orgasm through anal sex. Because who the fuck in their right mind would stick something up their ass if it didn’t give them pleasure. And for the record I don’t take it up the ass, it’s just wrong, but some people like it. Im just saying.
mick thanks for the sympathy.
capricorn1966
29 Apr 08 at 9:42 pm
Damn that was fast.
capricorn1966
29 Apr 08 at 9:42 pm
…..WiLLY WONKA and The CHOCOLATE FACTORY!…….NO THANKS…I’ll PASS!!!!
….P.s. JaSoN is back on his MEDS and WHISKEY! ….Thanks B.
JaSoN
30 Apr 08 at 1:42 am
Jason, there you are! …… You are such a bastard!
First….You spend the night. Then you fuck me 6 times. Then you take my meds!…WTF.
You really know how to treat a women. Like SHIT! …..God that TURNS ME ON!
When can i see you again? I am such a trailer-trash slut. Everyone knows that!
Jason, I want to have another child……this time with YOU. I need you INSIDE ME!
I feel unfulfilled and empty inside! Please Jason….PLEASE,PLEASE contact me!
….You know my private website. Leave a message,Please! I can’t live without you!
P.s. XOXOXOXOXO……I luv it when you wear your SKULLMASK when you fuck the shit out of me. ….and that TONGUE of yours…WOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Britney Spears
30 Apr 08 at 2:31 am
JaSoN: Whiskey is the best med of them all.
Soylent-Ape
30 Apr 08 at 5:04 am
My dear Jason, you don’t need to take all your missed meds at once. And beware of pink whiskey… we all know what that does to you.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 9:03 am
Bagel, you’re losing it.
The obvious answer to the reader question is obviously “kill yourself.”
for shame.
Kevin
30 Apr 08 at 12:57 pm
It kinda was my answer, Kevin. You see…breath strips will do nothing to protect against STDs. Hygienocide will follow my advice, get the gayds, and die. It will be a much more horrific death than suicide.
Also, can I just say these tits are awesome tits. (click and scroll down)
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 1:14 pm
I hope her name doesn’t reflect her boob size. her pussy is kind of young looking, too. Maybe I’ll get vaginoplasty.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 1:42 pm
I don’t think her boyfriend is gay because he likes anilingus. He’s just disgusting.
And the obvious answer is: Use Purell for lubricant. Not only will you get drunk, but you won’t feel so dirty.
And if she mixes it with a small amount of hydrogen peroxide, her teeth will be whiter too!
Super!
xo,
WDL
wdl
30 Apr 08 at 2:12 pm
My assumption that the writer’s boyfriend is gay was partly based on the inside information that the writer is a guy. Click the name.
Perhaps he isn’t gay, but his boyfriend certainly is.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 2:20 pm
after clicking on the name click on his my space he sure is a guy.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 2:25 pm
Cappy, it’s the same guy who’s undie pick I shared on the previous post’s comments.
Most definatly male.
RAWR!
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 2:32 pm
oh, so do you think he’s gay?
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 2:36 pm
The following convo makes me think that maybe, just maybe, he might be.
Me: Are you gay?
Scott: Yes please.
That, and God hates women too much to let a tall hunk of sex like that be down with the vag.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 2:41 pm
That is correct.
The 'Goose
30 Apr 08 at 2:47 pm
Those are some damn sexy underpants. Do you think his mama bought them for him when he started third grade? I swear my son has some JUST LIKE THEM.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:23 pm
Whoa…
You’re going to be in trouble!
Also, they let you around children?
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 3:25 pm
Well, two of them exited my vagina, so yeah, those.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:26 pm
But yeah, it shocks the shit out of me, too.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:26 pm
p.s. I need to see more to determine if he is a tall hunk of sex. More pix plz.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:27 pm
Ok!
I can’t imagine why ichc didn’t want this one
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 3:34 pm
a pussy licking a pussy
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:36 pm
Tread carefully, Cappy.
I take my crush on Scott very seriously.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 3:38 pm
OMG, the best lolcat EVAH.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:45 pm
but wait, where are the scott pics?
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:46 pm
yeah but he got no tits.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:46 pm
you like your men with tits?
Well, that explains a lot.
Love Bites
30 Apr 08 at 3:48 pm
I like tits and I like men.
Some great tastes do not taste great together.
That is one of Scott’s pics. From here.
He’s totally pretending he isn’t reading this right now :)
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 3:50 pm
no. if she likes tits so much then what attracts her to this mysterious red sexy third grade underpants man.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:51 pm
penis
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 3:52 pm
I totally love a metro sexual man. yum…Especially if he does hair. you go red man.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:54 pm
I think the picture could be deceiving. I’m with bites, need more pics
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:55 pm
i have to go back and watch the hair thing.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 3:56 pm
The chick from the porn site has that great ‘I have down syndrome’ look on her face half the time. For me, that’s a no.
Beleive it or not, but if I can’t enjoy looking at a girls face, I can’t really enjoy looking at the rest of her.
Not to mention she’s quite clearly a tramp. Another no.
Some say I’m retarded, but frankly, the only thing I want with a lot of mileage is my car.
Noble
30 Apr 08 at 7:58 pm
Now that you mention it, she does look a little heavy on the chromosomes
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 8:37 pm
Bagel,
Why are you attracted to thirteen-year-old boys who wear underoos?
I’m with you on the boob thing. I like boobs too. Not on my men, though.
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:43 pm
He’s 25 and they’re American Apparel.
Did I mention that he’s 6′4″ and touches other young men where they pee?
Ok, damnit. I confess. I have a fetish.
The way I see it, the more penises in a relationship, the better.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 8:46 pm
There’s nothing wrong with a fetish. I have a thing for men in uniforms. Is he seriously 25? I could swear that i saw him in some porn I downloaded, banging his sister, and it said he was 12.
There’s no way that is the chest of a 25-year-old man. It looks like the chest of a prepubescent girl.
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:48 pm
Just, like for his birthday or something, buy him some weights. Or, like sit on his back and make him do push-ups.
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:49 pm
Kiddie porn much, LB?
We aren’t talking about your kids here.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 8:52 pm
I showed his picture to my daughter. She thinks she knows him from middle school. ;)
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:52 pm
Actually, Bagel, I’m sitting here, wondering when I got so old that 25-year-old guys started looking like they are in middle school. I won’t bash your beau anymore. ;)
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:53 pm
Cappy, LB: The 2 of you are just jealous cuz you aren’t blogger’s pet!
I can’t help that I like men! I still love your boobs, honest.
I simply have needs that your internal genitalia can’t satisfy.
Store-bought weens just don’t feel the same.
Heterophobes!
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 8:56 pm
LMFAO!
Bagel, (sniff) I’ll forgive you for a tittie shot.
Also, here’s a cat for you to LOL: http://www.zytu.org/public/photo.php?p_id=2388&tab=3&c_stat=1
love_bites
30 Apr 08 at 8:59 pm
it’s not that you are old. and Christ how old could you be? cause you should see my daughter’s boyfriend. for some reason I just want to put lipstick on him. I think he’s 24. but he’s way smaller then my daughter. she definitely not petite. she told me the other day that he has had Lyme disease, i think that effects the muscles.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 9:08 pm
hey i’m all for penis, I just want it to be more mature then me.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 9:10 pm
I’ve liked mid-twenties cock since I was old enough to like cock.
That kitten is looking for a face to eat.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 9:29 pm
and how old is that?
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 9:32 pm
that kitten scared me.
capricorn1966
30 Apr 08 at 9:32 pm
Let’s just say I was enjoying the view before my egg was even fertilized.
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 9:37 pm
LB: I don’t have a titty shot handy, sorry. Would you settle for a naughty clown?
The Bagel of Everything
30 Apr 08 at 9:39 pm
Wow, you totally pegged that chick in your post. She’s looking for someone to mutilate.
I’m 42. Old as hell, for the record, but I like it.
A girl can never have too much penis, but I like mine to at least be of legal age.
love_bites
1 May 08 at 6:00 am
dito
capricorn1966
1 May 08 at 7:03 am
and now I bind you from ever speaking of this again.
capricorn1966
1 May 08 at 7:09 am
What can I never speak of again? I need clarity. I am blond, after all? Penis? 13-year-old underoo-wearers? Titty pics? Clown serial killers? The fact that sex at 42 kicks ass?
Love Bites
1 May 08 at 1:41 pm
um, i have the same underoos as scott, from american apparel. and i also have them in every other color too. including pink and lavender. my mother didn’t buy them for me. she would think they were too expensive anyway.
and for the record, i do not let scott touch me on my bathing suit areas. even when he offered me cash.
because i am a virgin.
xo,
WDL
wdl
1 May 08 at 1:42 pm
“Use Purell for lubricant. Not only will you get drunk, but you won’t feel so dirty. “
WDL: That’s had me scratching my head since you said it. You need lube for analingus?
I have much to learn.
The Bagel of Everything
1 May 08 at 1:51 pm
don’t worry baby bagel we will learn together and being attention deficit I learn better hands on.
capricorn1966
1 May 08 at 6:07 pm
getting old, love bites, getting old.
capricorn1966
1 May 08 at 6:09 pm
“What can I never speak of again? I need clarity. I am blond, after all? Penis? 13-year-old underoo-wearers? Titty pics? Clown serial killers? The fact that sex at 42 kicks ass?”
Without those things, we’d be dodging tumbleweeds.
The Bagel of Everything
1 May 08 at 6:10 pm
without those things we’d be the tumbleweeds.
Blonde? your pic is very deceiving.
capricorn1966
1 May 08 at 6:41 pm
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