Books that Exist: The Shit of God
The Shit of God by Diamanda Galás
The title and artwork of this book suggest possible awesome. Too bad the words inside ruin it.
Goth poetry, TYPED MOSTLY IN CAPS.
Try this excerpt:
LISTEN, MAN
IT MAY SOON BE TIME
FOR YOU TO GUARD A DYING MAN
UNTIL THE ANGELS COME
LET’S NOT CHAT ABOUT DESPAIR
IF YOU ARE A MAN (AND NOT A COWARD)
YOU WILL GRASP THE HAND OF HIM DENTED BY MERCY
UNTIL HIS BREATH BECOMES YOUR OWN
That kind of stupid should have a warning label.
Diamanda Galas - Double Barrel Prayer
Unrelated awesomeness: Have ya’ll seen TransArtstudio.com? Female celebs, faithfully rendered as erotic nudes…except that they have giant penises. It’s a pay site, but you can see more than you’ll likely want to from the samples (click “click to enter” at the bottom). Holy hell.
More Books That Exist: A Hand in the Bush - The History of Shit
The Haunted Vagina - Christian Domestic Discipline
Hmmmm…..People say this when they’re at a loss of words.
What kind of fucking exorcist was that? Very disturbing, Bagel, I don’t think I’ll be the same for a while. Very bad Karma there. It’s bad, very bad.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 9:29 am
Diamanda Galas is the Edie Brickell of the cyber generation.
Someone please tell her I said that.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 9:34 am
Has anyone seen my eyes? No? I plucked them out after witnessing god’s dump. Really, this fucking bitch should not be allowed to attempt art.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 9:42 am
Performance Art:
Step1: Slather your naked self with fake blood while making shrill sounds
Step2: Blaspheme
Step3: ????
Step4: Profit
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 9:58 am
Ahh, the mysterious step 3. Funny how life imitates performance art.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 10:01 am
I don’t know, my life seems to lean towards step 1.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 10:10 am
you all ever hear any of Yoko Ono’s work from the 70’s? Where she was just beating on stuff and shrieking? I thought that was as awful as it gets, but apparently there’s no bottom to Well of Stupid Bullshit.
OMG - I’ve only made it the 2:30 mark. Will she please turn that fucking gun on herself?
Damn. 1988. That explains the sunglasses.
They should play this in Guantanamo.
seohack
28 Mar 08 at 11:26 am
[...] Crappy goth poetry + ALL CAPS = The Shit of God? No, it’s pretty much just general everyday shit. And the video pretty much represents [...]
7 Things I Learned On The Interweb This Week « The Worst SEO Blog Ever!
28 Mar 08 at 12:12 pm
Edie Brickel needed the 10,000 maniacs.
This reminds me of when my sis was about a year old and would reach in her diaper and smear a turd on the wall and write strange messages in it.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 12:12 pm
KW: Yes. Also, my inbox is disturbingly free of your nudity.
SEO: Thanks for the link!
micky: I bet she cherishes those home movies.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 1:12 pm
Bagel: Check your inbox again.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 1:25 pm
niice…
Tho you prolly should look up the definition of ‘naked’
What’s the tattoo?
Also, I promise to only show it to Kevin once.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 1:30 pm
Bagel: I don’t believe you. But, go check again.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 1:35 pm
Damn.
How you doin?
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 1:57 pm
OMFG!!..LMFAO!! That video made my day! Thanks Bagel! It was so stupidly awful that I loved it and could not stop watching and laughing (though it did run a bit long - Diamanda should have cut a few minutes, but I’m guessin Diamanda does whatever the fuck Diamanda wants to do!) Her scream-singing will haunt me for days! I’ll have to go see if she has more…being the horror fan I am…I need to consume more freaky Diamanda!
I can’t tell if she’s trying to make it rain, pretending to be Jodi Foster in Silence of the Lambs, or summoning the mother ship.
Truly awesome. I gotta send this to Jason.
LA Retail Slut
28 Mar 08 at 1:58 pm
2 naked bloggers down, a million billion to go.
Who’s next?
LARS: Take it off for ЯR, baby.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:12 pm
It’s Full Frontal Friday!
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:14 pm
wait…3 bloggers.
We got Zach Action last year.
(9th one down)
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:15 pm
Notice that they’re all male.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:23 pm
Yes. Further notice that I’m most definatly not.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:24 pm
Dually noted.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:27 pm
‘dually’ ? Is that sposed to be some clever alliteration?
One of them is gay, and way prettier than me. Does that count as a half check in the chick column?
LilBit! Show us your boobs!
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:30 pm
Maybe. No.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:32 pm
they’re not all gay?
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:33 pm
No, Cap, ‘they’ aren’t all gay.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:35 pm
Keywork is most def not gay. I’ve seen his bathroom mirror.
No gay man would let it come to that.
And Zach is all about the vagina.
Show us your boobs, cappy.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:35 pm
Oh, and this is a naked party. Show skin to get in.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:36 pm
I don’t show my boobs to any one, although I was offered $500 yesterday to show them. swear to god.
Maybe I missed something in that video let me backtrack.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:43 pm
I used to show them all the time when I was drunk, got me into a lot of trouble.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:44 pm
$500? I’m in the wrong industry.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:45 pm
swear, I would of if it wasn’t my friends husband. he laid it out on the desk. he’s a pig.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:48 pm
oh my.
keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:49 pm
money..he laid the money on the desk.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:52 pm
I’m in.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:52 pm
Um, that’s really special, Bagel.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:55 pm
Don’t tell me, tell the guy who’s flikr I stole it from.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/madfight/114809974/
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 2:57 pm
sorry buddy, changing your name doesn’t qualify you for the position.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 2:57 pm
Position?
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 2:59 pm
it doesn’t make you naked. you have to take your clothes off.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:03 pm
go ahead.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:06 pm
Hey, I’ve already payed the entry fee, balls in your court.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:16 pm
No, balls in my inbox.
Actually, wait…they’re not.
Are they between your thighs? That’s probably unsafe.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 3:20 pm
Bad angle I guess.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:22 pm
Keywork isn’t gay, but I bet he’d REALLY like a rimjob.
Nice profile Key ;)
Kevin
28 Mar 08 at 3:23 pm
Cap,
Take the 500 so you can fly here and I’ll show you my 40 lb cock.
We all know you have multiple breasts, bitch.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 3:24 pm
I didn’t see any proof of payment.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:25 pm
elephantiasis much, micky?
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 3:26 pm
that’s cause i’m a bitch.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:27 pm
I got a rimjob from a stewardess once. Thanks, Kev.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:27 pm
he just likes to dream.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:27 pm
Oh! So did I key. We have so much in common.
Kevin
28 Mar 08 at 3:28 pm
Here comes the rub.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:30 pm
bagel, when did you start asking for nudes? i feel violated, and dirty.
but I did before I logged on. I have to stop having sex behind the home depot on my lunch hour.
but a boy does need spending cash.
xo,
WDL
WDL
28 Mar 08 at 3:30 pm
Dumpster sex, WDL, dumpster sex.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:31 pm
micky, WDL: Keys in the punchbowl, boys! Make with the jpegs.
Also, Cappy: Key’s in the punchbowl again…See if you can’t get some coffee in him, maybe splash some water on his face.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 3:37 pm
I’m having flashbacks. My ex and I attended a key party. Well, we didn’t know we were at one. Then my friend’s wife got really naked. That was different, strange, probably not the best decision we ever made.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:40 pm
We ?
Please elaborate.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 3:44 pm
Oh, well, my friends wife made a comment about fucking me, noone protested, so, the sex happened. Next thing I know, there’s my friend, and my ex. Having the sex next to the sex already in progress.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 3:49 pm
Sex is like yawning.
Except you’re not sposed to do it in a room full of children.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 3:51 pm
swingers?
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:53 pm
Sex is like candy
you want as much of it as you possibly can get.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 3:55 pm
and it rots your teeth.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 4:03 pm
not if you floss.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 4:06 pm
I prefer ’swingerish’ or ‘open to fucking other people’.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 4:07 pm
My buddy and I screwed a chick in a van in a Dennys parking lot. After I saw him stick that worm in her I was glad I was first.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 4:08 pm
monkey see, monkey do your wife.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 4:11 pm
And your father is a fucking Racoon
micky
28 Mar 08 at 4:20 pm
“My buddy and I screwed a chick in a van in a Dennys parking lot”
who hasn’t
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 4:27 pm
I was receiving a blowjob from a pregnant girl in my truck in the Denny’s parking lot. Some girl walked right up to my window, which was rolled down, and asked me for some directions. I kept the pregnant girls head down and proceeded to tell the other girl how to get back to the freeway.
Naked Keywork.
28 Mar 08 at 4:30 pm
I was pregnant and gave a blowjob in the denny’s parking lot. no one ask for directions though.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 4:36 pm
I ate at a Denny’s once. It tasted like abortion.
Yo micky: I got your back over at Jenice’s place
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 4:38 pm
you’re right bagel the only thing denny’s was good for was doing drugs in the bathroom.
capricorn1966
28 Mar 08 at 4:41 pm
Cap, a few of my exes would say the same about me.
Naked Keywork
28 Mar 08 at 4:48 pm
Cap, go to dennys alot ?
micky
28 Mar 08 at 5:19 pm
Its heartwarming Bagel and gang, thanks.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 5:20 pm
It popped up on my dashboard under “my comments”
I saw him picking on your spelling… at least I think that’s what he was doing; I don’t have the attention span to decode his run-on sentences.
I hate hypocrites.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 5:29 pm
Why do I all of a sudden want to don a black mini dress, stilettos, red lipstick, a white electric guitar and slick back my hair?
Jenice
28 Mar 08 at 5:44 pm
Because you’re a trollop.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 5:45 pm
Oh yea. And I have to give Bagel props for being a stand up lady. She’s killing that dumb ass over atmy blog. So is my favorite ‘coon. He he.
Jenice
28 Mar 08 at 5:45 pm
That’s racist. I’m offended.
I’m going to tell the black person I met once.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 5:47 pm
In that case, you would only be telling me and I’m the one who said it.
Jenice
28 Mar 08 at 5:48 pm
Yeah! Jenice said coon!
Naked Keywork
28 Mar 08 at 5:48 pm
I’m gonna buy a blonde afro.
micky
28 Mar 08 at 5:53 pm
We missed you around here, Jen.
The Bagel of Everything
28 Mar 08 at 5:56 pm
I started listening to Diamanda Galas when I was in college. She’s definitely not Cheap Trick or Nelly Furtado. Most people can’t listen to her just any time. Some of her early work is too blasphemous for me to listen to, even.
Still, there are times when her shrieks and bellows can be quite cathartic.
Soylent Ape
28 Mar 08 at 9:05 pm
You’ve actually heard of this oozing orifice? You’re much weirder than I give you credit for.
The Bagel of Everything
29 Mar 08 at 3:11 am
Believe it or not, she’s classically trained in vocals and piano. She used to perform with the San Diego Symphony Orchestra when she was a teenager.
Soylent Ape
29 Mar 08 at 4:50 am
I’d fuck her.
micky
29 Mar 08 at 11:45 am
Thought you didn’t like white wymmin?
The Bagel of Everything
29 Mar 08 at 12:00 pm
Not the wonder bread bologna & mayo type.
besides that isnt she like Armenian, Italian and Greek or something?
micky
29 Mar 08 at 12:41 pm
Stoppit! You’re makin me hungered.
The Bagel of Everything
29 Mar 08 at 2:58 pm
““My buddy and I screwed a chick in a van in a Dennys parking lot”
who hasn’t”
Excuse me but some of us have WAY more class than THAT. I had a threesome in a car parked right in front of a French restaurant.
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 2:00 pm
I did it in a camero behind a liqueur sto’ that used to be a Dennys.
Gotta get my creme de menthe money somehow.
The Bagel of Everything
1 Apr 08 at 2:03 pm
Jesus Christ, creme de menthe? A net search shows the current price for a 750ml bottle.
You sold your ass for around $10? Hate to know what your blowjobs cost!
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 2:17 pm
At least tell me you owned the Camaro.
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 2:17 pm
“Excuse me but some of us have WAY more class than THAT. I had a threesome in a car parked right in front of a French restaurant.”
Jaque`in the box
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 2:24 pm
I’ve never owned a Camaro in my life! I’m not that trashy!
Creme de Menthe tastes like green nyquil. It’s … unpleasant.
The Bagel of Everything
1 Apr 08 at 2:27 pm
I dont know what the fuck you two are talking about.
You can anything in thios car look good.
http://homepage.mac.com/atomicshark/08-CAMARO-ATOMICSHARK.jpg
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 3:08 pm
But it wont improve your spelling
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 3:09 pm
“Creme de Menthe tastes like green nyquil. It’s … unpleasant.”
Does it taste as bad as a Dirty Sanchez, Bagel?
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 6:06 pm
I see all kinds of illegal things happening inside that car, Micks.
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 6:07 pm
I would dry hump the hood
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 6:30 pm
Would this be before or after you sat your ass and spun on the gear shift?
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 7:28 pm
Fuck you, at least it would be my gear shift.
Beats the hell outta screwing two guys in front of a jack in the box in a Hugo
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 7:57 pm
No, fuck you very much. It was a guy and a girl. Get your info correct, gear shift boy!
Stiletto
1 Apr 08 at 8:29 pm
So it was in a hugo in front of a jack in the box !
Lets make a jack sandwich, oooh.
micky2
1 Apr 08 at 8:47 pm
I think Bagel disappeared to go make love. There was a lot of hot sex talk today.
Stiletto
2 Apr 08 at 1:22 am
As long as there’s no “cheesy melt” to melt the world with you. That commercial is absolutely disgusting!
Stiletto
2 Apr 08 at 1:23 am
does it remind you of all the latex stuck in your teeth ?
micky2
2 Apr 08 at 1:42 am
It reminds me of all the shit dripping from your dick.
Stiletto
2 Apr 08 at 12:47 pm
If you stopped chewing on the condoms that wouldnt happen
micky2
2 Apr 08 at 1:10 pm