Real cities in China, that I just made up
Dear China,
You have a few odd names for cities (Likwang, Hangzhou, Fuxin, Fuku), but mostly they’re stupid, boring, and hard to pronounce. You’re missing out on a huge tourist demographic: smart-assed Americans.
We Americans love making fun of China. We love cities with fucked up names. We have endless wealth. Our tourism can make or break your country. Just look what we’ve done for Bangkok! Do you think Thailand would have such an enviable industry of child sex slaves and black-market DVDs if Americans didn’t love saying ‘Bangkok’? Hell no!
To help you find popularity with our superior western culture, Deviant and I have come up with a list of new names for your favorite tourist-ready cities.
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Du Ki
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Pu N’tang
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Dik Cheez
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Do G’fu Ker
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Cum Shitzu
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Sum Yung Gai
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Chi P’ho
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Dim Sum Dim Most
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Wen Sum Lo Sum
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Bu T’fe Ker
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We Ar Rook Arike
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Shi Tin
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Sla N’teys
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Ti Ni’ Diks
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Bin Far Ting
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Agu Kilt Muh Pa
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Ye Lo Fe Va
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Miso Oni
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Gudat Maf
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Li Dil Kok
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Chi Ponshul Da
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Bal Gag
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Phat Bof Rind
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Handan Panz
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Hotho
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Fu Sho
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So Ron Ri
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Dai Fu Ka
This picture sucks because I’m an American.
Seriously,
bagel
Related posts: Lead Toys From China: Murder or Salvation? - A Gokkun Proposal
Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty
DON’T BLAME ME FOR YOUR VULGARITIES.
Kevin
12 Mar 08 at 1:28 pm
But it’s so easy. Now who do we blame?
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 2:05 pm
blame Ledtory, China?
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 2:08 pm
how about Fuck You American Assholes? No, that’s too long.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 2:13 pm
Fuku Mericana S’los ?
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 2:15 pm
There we go. Hot. Like Keywork. Hot Keywork.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 2:23 pm
More military pics, plz
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 2:31 pm
Yeah, had a feeling that was coming.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 2:33 pm
Seriously Bagel that was FUCKING HILARIOUS! LMFAO. Brilliant! They’re all so funny I don’t know which is my favorite…
LA Retail Slut
12 Mar 08 at 2:46 pm
Bagel, nice! Funny shit.
I think I am still on the penut butter kick. Mmmm. Sorry.
lil bit shorty
12 Mar 08 at 3:17 pm
Did you get them all?
Agu Kilt Muh Pa is kind of a hard one.
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 3:48 pm
Kind of.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 3:55 pm
Show me your guns hot keywork!
Kevin
12 Mar 08 at 4:12 pm
Let’s hope the one-and-a-half billion Chinese have a sense of humor, especially about their genitalia. They might try to poison our pet food or put lead in our
children’s toys. Wait…too late!
Soylent Ape
12 Mar 08 at 4:39 pm
gotta pay to play, Kevin. No free rides in this park.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 5:06 pm
Show me your guns, hot keywork!
Please, daddy?
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 5:34 pm
That’s the dirtiest thing you’ve ever said to me Bagel. I’m impressed. You have a ticket to the gunshow.
Hot Keywork
12 Mar 08 at 5:38 pm
So what, you’re going to mail it to me?
Make with the pics, pops
The Bagel of Everything
12 Mar 08 at 6:39 pm
You are so banned in the People’s Republic. That’s okay, so are we:
http://markarayner.com/blog/?s=Beijing+Olympic+Mascots
Mark
12 Mar 08 at 10:05 pm
I always thought it was pretty funny to see people bending over and bowing while saying ” ahso”
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 12:04 am
Why not go international and include Phuket, Thailand and Fucking, Norway? There’s a whole world of English-language profanity out there that the locals probably aren’t even aware of.
Soylent Ape
13 Mar 08 at 5:37 am
In Denmark the the speed signs say ” fart 45 klm”
I met a guy named Wun hung Lo.
Soy, we have a couple restaraunts here with Phuket in the title.
We have bumper stickers here that say ” pu in sai”
Its kind of a set up phrase for tourist. When they ask what it means we offer to show them.
If you would like to get a look at one the most unique verbal cultures on the planet , check out the Hawaii threads.
http://www.hawaiithreads.com/archive/index.php/t-1162.html
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 10:19 am
So come on, punks!
Can’t you come up with any more names?
Seriously, ya’ll been mooching off my right brain far too long.
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 11:16 am
To say your brain is right is just wrong.
Assolo, Italy
St. Louis du ha ha ,Canada
Moon. Kansas
Meat cove. Canada.
Manly hot springs. Alaska
Lake Titicaca. Bolivia
Knob Noster.Missouri
Intercourse. Pennsylvania.
FUC.Kuje. Croatia
Fucking. Austria
Dildo. Canada
Dicl lick springs . Arakansas
Cumming street. Manhattan.
Bong recreational area. Wisconsin
Blue ball. Pennsylvania.
Bone lick state park. Kentucky
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 11:39 am
You googled for them, cheater!
Ever hear the headline “Big Ugly Child Found” ?
The newspaper clipping has been a staple on the nets for years.
BECAUSE OF ME!!!
There are 2 creeks in WV, “Big Ugly” and “Little Ugly”. A town sprung up around the big one, and took its name. Big Ugly, West Virginia.
When I was a kid, a child from the town went missing, and later was found. I clipped out the newspaper article about it and sent it to National Lampoon magazine. They printed it and sent me a tshirt.
PS: I’m more the left brain type. Fear my logical mind!
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 11:45 am
Cheater ?
I guess I could pull any shit out of my head. Once I realized the possibilities are endless I got bored.
I dont deny googling it, I was just trying to help.
Sorry.
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 11:50 am
Key found a little ugly child. Would that be you ?
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 11:52 am
Awe, you just had to say ’sorry’ and make me feel all bad for teasing you!
*sniff*
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 12:11 pm
I could do other things to make you feel bad if i wanted to.
But this is kinda like how chinese people name their kids.
They drop all their pots and pans and whatever noise they make will be the kids name.
If you notice, i’m the only one lame enough to do this with you.
Lets go beat up on someone. Thats always fun.
micky2
13 Mar 08 at 12:37 pm
Yes, you’re the only one playing with me, and I love you for it.
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 1:45 pm
I saw a novel once called “Sometimes You Just Gotta Say Phuket”. Of course, The Thais pronounce it “pu-kit”.
Soylent Ape
13 Mar 08 at 4:16 pm
‘Tis true. Big Ugly and Little Ugly are real. The riverbanks are full of big ugly people and little ugly people fishing in the summertime.
PHUKET!!!!!
Now, I wanna join the beatin’ up on someone.
trailerparkbarbie
13 Mar 08 at 9:13 pm
Who shall we beat?
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 10:25 pm
I’m game. Can we make it a threesome, ok foursome? Target is who?
lil bit shorty
13 Mar 08 at 10:30 pm
My friend Note is back to blogging. How’s about a good hazing?
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 10:42 pm
I’m in. What ya thinking?
lil bit shorty
13 Mar 08 at 10:46 pm
Dunno.
Demand naked pics?
What you got in mind?
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 10:49 pm
Naked is good. Pics are always good. Penutbutter and pictures. Maybe. Lets get’em.
lil bit shorty
13 Mar 08 at 11:08 pm
Let’s!
He’s hot and I want him.
I want him as much as I want my bodyweight in reeces pieces.
I want him with reeces pieces smooshed all over his body.
You can help me lick him clean, if you wish.
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 11:12 pm
What the fuck. I am dancing all over the place and not knowing what way to turn. Its on! Go get’em tiger. I’m on your fluffy tail!
lil bit shorty
13 Mar 08 at 11:14 pm
http://noteforent.typepad.com/inconsistant/2008/03/i-still-have-se.html
The Bagel of Everything
13 Mar 08 at 11:17 pm
Well, join up or get the fuck to bed! Its on now!
lil bit shorty
13 Mar 08 at 11:24 pm
lulz
Boys can play, too. Micky? Key? Will you please get the brainy hooker to strip for me?
The Bagel of Everything
14 Mar 08 at 12:09 am
Did you offer to pay him ?
A brainy hooker wouldnt do it for free.
micky2
14 Mar 08 at 2:11 am
What fun would that be?
Thanks for playing, micky :)
This guy’s blog is the first one I ever read. He disappeared for a long time. I’m thrilled to see him writing again.
The Bagel of Everything
14 Mar 08 at 2:19 am