I know why the caged commie sings
A 7 year old boy has been rescued from his cage in Kirovsky, Volgograd, after being raised as a bird by his coo-coo 31 year old mother. The woman kept pet birds and fed wild ones, but that was apparently not enough. She put her son in a cage and raised him as a bird.
(The) woman neither beat him nor left him without food. She just never talked to him. It was all the birds that communicated with the boy and taught him birds’ language. (Pravda)
All reports I’ve found claim that the boy, while not being able to speak, has learned to communicate with birds. Everyone is so concerned with this kid’s mental health, no one has noticed HOW FUCKING COOL IT WOULD BE TO TALK TO BIRDS.
See, this is why we here at ЯR hate commies.
Image from JaredChapman.com
Sources: Pravda Online - Anorak - Telegraph - The Sun
Related posts: Ripped From the Headlines … of Pravda - Pigeons: The Flying Enemy
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For one, is that really the commie paper?
I’d forgotten all about Pravda, kinda like Tass or whatever it was called.
It looks like the recently deep sixed Weekly World News. No wonder they are so messed up over there. They’ve replaced Bat Boy with a murdered dwarf alien as hard news. They have a UFO sanctuary, instead of wildlife ones, wtf?
They’ll get around to asking him what the birds say once they teach him commie-speak. Those little Russian spy birds will be reporting back to bird boy in no time.
No shit! Putin has basically reversed any advances that the Russian Federation has undertaken. Now, it’s like it was before: state-controlled press, poisoning disssidents, etc… except that, instead of the Communist Party calling the shots, it’s a cadre of billionaires. The reason that senastional Weekly World News-esque articles like this appear in Pravda is because there is so much tha they cannot print and they have to fill those column-inches somehow.
Putin is the anti christ.
He will be the catalyst in a second cold war that will turn hot in that region due the spread of radical muslims. Bush oughta slap him in the fuckin head instead of BSing us all into believing that they are of some congenial relationship. Everything Putin has done recently shows no form of democracy but more of slide back to the oppresive days of the 60s and 70s. Hand picked successors, arms sales to all the wrong people, press and speech suppression. And an massive underground crime syndicate that deals in illegal arms, Afghan opium and black market items.
I just blew that all off the top of my hesd.
Hows it sound ?
D: Yeah, it’s really from the russian newspaper. It’s been picked up by a few other reputable sites tho, so I’m thinking it’s real.
I just checked 4chan. Someone has done a russian-reversal of the story:
That was dumb
“in Soviet Russia, bird locks you in cage!”
I wonder if he’s related to Bat Boy?
Seriously, we need pics on this one! Love to see what he looks like!
@ soylent - you beat to it!!! Damn!!!
I remember watching something on feral children on NGC and for some reason it seems to happen more in Russia than anywhere.
I so miss the old days of the Weekly World News. The last time I bought one (yes, I actually paid cash money for the damn thing) it was a shell of its former self. Even Ed Anger felt contrived and neutered. =(
Retail Slut: We totally need pics! There don’t seem to be any. The news outlets are using pictures of kids in similar situations (like ‘malaysian boy raised by wolves’)
Now all I can picture is Jodie Foster (I think that was her) grunting and shit in that one movie.
I paid $$ for the Weekly World News too. Bat Boy stole a hot dog after a rain delayed night race in Charlotte. Freaked out the (drunken-I’m assuming-I’ve been there) fans.
Weekly World News, referred to as “The Paper” in “So I Married an Ax Murderer”….sorry now I’m totally off topic.
Hark! I think I’ve found a picture!!!
My gramma got me hooked on Weekly World News. When I was a teen, I used to buy it everytime I was at the supermarket. I loved that shit. Much better than the celebrity-infested Enquirer.
Bagel, those are bank robbers.
hahaha those would make great disguises…until a dom with a rubber fetish shows up and put their leashes back on.
Did you check out the link…anime porn.(I’m assumiing, since it said the sex had been edited) WTF is goin on in Japan? So I guess that would make the costumes, anime porn costumes? I’ll stick to the naughty Hogwarts schoolgirl stuff I bought last Halloween.
Hey, it’s still online?
George needs to take Putin down to Crawford and make him squeal like a pig.
bird boy? bat boy? They quake in the presence of LOBSTER BOY, Grady Stiles…..
dammit…can’t get the link to open. Look him up yourselves. dammit
I mostly want to know what ducks are all about, they’re kinda sneaky in a wacky way.
Don’t you mean “quacky way”?
If I could talk to birds, I’d tell them to quit shitting on my car.
If I could talk to birds, I’d tell them to git in muh bellah!
I moved to Hi. in the 60s so my dad could open a tourist attraction called Paradise Park.
If you google Parrot Jungle in Florida its the same thing.
I grew up around thousands of birds of all species. In all that time there was never any doubt that chickens were meant to be eaten.
My favorite bird was called Nina. She was a scarlet macaw.
She would say ” fuck you mack”, ” up yers”, ” go away”, when eating ice cream she would say
” thats good stuff”, ” can I get some?”. And everytime the phone rang she would say loudly ” TELEPHONE !” and then if not in her cage would run over and pick up the reciever and drop it on the counter and walk away.
I was raised like an insect. Does that make me a communist too? (wink).
E.
Dung beetle ?
No, Entomo. Being Italian makes you a commie.
Or a socialist. Or a tyrant.
Whatever it is, it’s RED
Bagel, my dear, your apposite comment to Mr. Entomo above certainly deserves to be parotted — and not just by a child, for instance, who speaks the language. I don’t mean to be a cock, Mr. Entomo, but being Italian makes you red on the noodle
like the dick of a poodle,
as the old man used to say. Now kindly take thy beak from out my heart.
Seriously speaking, Bagel, you’re obviously more than fly-by familiar with the subject of feral children, and so you’re no doubt acquainted with the fascinating case of Oxana Malaya, video clips of whom are also veering all through cyberspace; but did you know that in pecking through case after case of feral children, it’s only been recently discovered that the human brain has only seven or so years in which it is able to apprehend language? There’s a window, it seems (not unlike the kind that sparrows sometimes smack into), after which time the brain hardens beyond the ability to absorb language — or, to be more precise, beyond the ability to absorb complex language, including grammar. Language, after that time, is unable to take nest. There is, to be sure, a kind of rudimentary language that the brain is still able to retain, but it’s very limited. Most interestsing of all, from an epistemological standpoint, is the fact that the brain is not able to ever progress beyond that very limited point. It’s almost as if the wings have been clipped. The Noam Chomskys and Steven Pinkers, and all the other dodos of this feather, pesist in telling us that “thought does not require language”; but feral children clearly contradict this chickenshit notion. Birds of a feather and all that, I suppose…. And yet it’s also been said that “the primary function of language is not to communicate, but rather to establish order in the human mind: before one can communicate, one must have something to communicate.” So what finally is the point? The point, with both language and these tragic children is, as Gerard Manly Hopkins once said, “My heart in hiding stirred for a bird, the achieve of, the mastery of the thing.”
Shit, I’m going into hiding. That’s what pseudo-intellectual males do when they come across something vastly superior in intellect. Especially if it has a vagina attached to it.
Miss Priss, you are awesome.
I just read your recycling article. Whoa.
I want to be you when I grow up.
@ Miss Priss: Good points. The language centers of our brains peak in activity in early adolescence. This is why I believe only a small percentage oft Americans are multi-lingual, given that our public schools don’t introduce foreign language into the curriculum until well into the middle grades.
Oxana Malaya was literally raised by wolves! (okay, dogs, actually. “Raised by wolves” sounds a helluva lot cooler,though.) For almost a decade, the only significant social interaction she knew was within the structure of a dog pack. It can be said that she did learn a “language” during that time. As those who study animal behavior are continuing to learn, the communication matrix within a dog- or wolf pack is far more complex than we would have believed just a generation ago. I submit that Oxana was capable of cognition (thought) before she was removed from that environment, though her touchstones would instead be barks, howls and growls, as well as proxemics, body posture and other forms of nonverbal communication.
People do learn languages on the other side of that window, though it’s with more difficulty. I once knew someone who learned Spanish in about 5 weeks. She was 31 at the time. It is true that there are cognates among different languages and many “families” of languages often are similar in structure, so it’s not the same as learning our first language. One can look at the various computer programming languages, though, which tend to have less to do with verbal communication and more to do with values, tags and if/then statements. Most of the formal education computer studies majors have with these languages are far outside that window, as well. I’m not exactly ready to get into bed with Chomsky & company, but I am saying that I don’t see the issue as a cut-and -dry one.
Today, Ms Malaya is 25 years-old. Her grasp of the difficult Russian language is functional, but by no means exhaustive. Still, I submit that her backwardness has less to do with her early isolation from human language. Rather, I believe it has to do with the confusion between her role in a canine social order and her place in our society, which is colored with nuance and is counterintuitive to the one in which she was raised.
Miss Priss sounds a lot like The Anti Socialist
@ Micky: Now that you mention it…
@ you two: It’s amazing how a person’s writing style can give them away. IDK, there’s a shit ton of bloggers out and about, so I’m on the fence with this one.
[...] the room. The primary function of language, as Miss Priss has stated many times before, and which has been recently touched upon by an ape, no less, albeit an articulate one (comment #29), is to establish order within the human [...]
You folks are totally right.
I love your writing, anti, but please please please use line breaks. It’s hard enough to keep focused with my ADD.
It would by much more accurate to say that the Anti-socialist sounds like Miss Priss, not the other way around. But in all seriousness, neither is true.
All the same, Bagel, you’re sweetheart.
I do love a mystery!
I’ve blogrolled you.
I directed the link to http://blog.askmisspriss.com/ . Is that what you where you want it to land?
He even spells Anti-socialist the same way
Yeah, it’s all in the style. If Miss Priss isn’t A-S, someone needs to contact him and let him know that he’s been plagiarized. Hardcore. Sorry, Miss, we’re just not buying it.
Anyone got his phone number?
oh, now you’re just baiting.
Betcherass
Happy Easter, Bagel. And thank you. To you as well, Mr. Soylent Ape.
Bock, bock.
Aaaa, go squeeze and egg outta yer ass.
Happy almost Easter to you!
micky: no, you
Pull a rabbit outta your ass then.
By the way, dont eat too many eggs tomorrow. It will feel like it.
Love ya.
P.S.
The poster was cool.
Happy Easter, everyone!
What do you say to Jewsih people on Easter ?
Have a nice day ?
Thanks for the well wishs Soy
I say “I forgive you for killing my god”
And then I punch them in the belly. Not for spite; my mommy says it’s good luck.
Well… I didnt mean it that way.
Everyone killed jesus in the metaphorical sense.
Technically is was the Romans.
So today we should like piss on a nearby Pizza Hut or something.
Hmm..
Jewish pizza.
Would that have Gefilte fish instead of anchovies ?
I’m a Christian. My ethnicity is Sephardic Jewish (among other things), but my family hasn’t adhered to that faith.
@Micky: Some practicing Jews I know see Easter as a sore point. Wishing them a “Happy Easter” would be viewed as a dig or threat. Then again, I know some Jews who give out baskets and participate in Easter egg hunts. I didn’t send Easter greetings to my MySpace friends that I knew to be of the Jewish faith, because I didn’t want to touch a nerve.
Gefilte fish is one of the most unpleasant foods I can imagine. Luckily, it’s not on the toppings list at Pizza Hut.
@Bagel: If you hijack their yarmulkes, that’s extra lucky!
Soy,
Cool, i learn something every day. Its just one of those akward things like wishing a buddist merry christmas, or a Chinese guy happy new year. Why do white people celebrate Cinco de Mayo ?
My dad used to eat Borschet and gefilte fish. I dont know why.
It wasnt real high on my list of pleasent experiences.
I can see bagel running through a Synogogue with a basket full of yarmulkes, distracting them and saying ” look ! theres Neil Diamond” and then “snatch”
With mania in her eyes
Ha-ha! The First Amendment does not give us the right to yell “Neal Diamond” in a crowded synagogue!
Gotta go brunch dude. Have a good day no matter what.
Thanks, man! Have a great one!
I saw a freezer case full of frozen turduckens in the supermarket last night.
I can’t imagine why people are so into a food with the word “turd” in it.