Programmed for love, she can be quite tender
Our homeboy Frontier Former Editor wrote this for us.
Programmed for love, she can be quite tender…
God love the Japanese–at least it’s not tentacle sex.
One Japanese company is striving to meet the future demand for sex dolls that don’t require air pumps or inhuman lung capacity.
A company in Japan, Axis, has already produced the world’s first, rudimentary, sexbot — for men. Called Honeydolls, the lifesize figures are made from surgical-grade silicone and resin, and are equipped with voice-emitting sensors in each breast. Pinch the nipples, and Cindy (or Soari or Maria, depending on the model) will react with a squeal and whisper pre-programmed sweet nothings in one’s ear. Customized MP3 audio files can be substituted for a more personal touch. Price tag: 7,000 dollars (4,800 euros). (breitbart.com)
This is just part of the world envisioned by futurists where we get bored with sex with humans, animals or household goods and seek out the latest developments in robotics with latex sexual anatomy attached — or at least a world where people still fuck their inflatable love dolls and play their iPods.
Yes, real-life futurist and possibly onanist David Levy - a PhD in gender studies and artificial intelligence and author of Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relations
Incidentally, Levy got his start in life organizing chess tournaments, which may explain more than I’d like to know. Remind me never to borrow his move clock.
“Think of it: great sex on tap, 24/7.” - David Levy
Think of it: someone porking the latest development in AI and the basic electronic game components developed by Nintendo Sony. I can imagine a love doll with an embedded, modified Nintendo game controller and handles arranged as nipples, clitoris, anus, vagina and other orifices and protrusions.
I can also imagine myself asking the same questions I ask when my son lets me play “Medal of Honor” on his Playstation or Gamecube: “Is this damn thing set on classic or sniper mode? How in hell do you switch from grenade to shotgun to Panzerschreck?”
But while Levy drools at the thought of scoring with latex and composites, a Swiss robotics expert may see this as too mechanical - not unlike sex in evangelical America.
“I don’t think we will have convincing ‘human-like’ robots” within that time frame,” said Frederic Kaplan, a researcher at the Ecole Polytechnique Federale in Lausanne, Switzerland.
Kaplan, who pushed the envelope of robot intelligence in programming the brain of Sony’s eerily adorable robot dog Aibo, also wonders whether we even want robots made in our own image.
“Human-machine interactions will be interesting in their own right, not as ’simulation’ of human relations,” he said.
And for evidence of that, just go on Yahoo Chat and wade through the sexbots offering live cam shows of congress with just about everything except chainsaws.
“I think it is far-fetched to think that human beings are going to fall in love with robots,” said New York-based sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of numerous books on sex and sexuality.
One wonders if Ms. Fulbright has a pet name for her vibrator.
“But there will be a real stigma attached to sex robots. People are still going to feel like losers if that is their last resort,” Fulbright said.
I didn’t see that coming at all. But she is right: whoever’s dating Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, or Amy Winehouse, has to feel so much better about their choice of receptacle than if they picked Honda’s Asimo robot with a female attachment.
But, of course, American engineers had made the first strides in future mechanical sex in the 1950’s with the Nautilus. Not just the first nuclear submarine, but a device which could go down and around the world repeatedly with more than 100 men simultaneously. Almost like Madonna . . . .
I used to fuck the crack between the two cushions on my parents sofa.
micky
13 Feb 08 at 10:14 am
Oh, micky. We’re talking about the future here, not last week.
The Bagel of Everything
13 Feb 08 at 10:58 am
Bagel, you assume he isn’t planning on history repeating itself. Shame, little lotor, shame.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 11:00 am
I feel sorry for anyone who is allergic to latex.
Do they have guy-bots?
capricorn1966
13 Feb 08 at 11:28 am
thank god there’s no tentacle rape in the article.
seohack
13 Feb 08 at 11:41 am
With the Nippons, you can always expect tentacle rape to come into play at some point. Consider this another Trojan Horse.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 12:00 pm
Do they have one in each hotel cubicle since women are not allowed ?
Amy Winewhouse is fucking hot, leave her alone , do you hear me all of you JUST LEAVE HER ALONE !! SHES A HUMAN BEING !
Sniff sniff. fucking bastards.
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 1:32 pm
I’m somewhat worried about the people of Japan. Nipple-pinching is hardly the be-all and end-all of foreplay.
m.
Mark
13 Feb 08 at 1:47 pm
If you say so, Mark.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 1:54 pm
Wait….
Nipple-pinching is foreplay?
I thought it was sex.
OMG I might be a virgin!
The Bagel of Everything
13 Feb 08 at 2:59 pm
Its called ‘first base” mark.
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 3:00 pm
Sure, Bagel, and I’m the fucking antichrist. Wait. Here: Sure, Bagel, and I’m a pure soul.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 3:02 pm
Wait, I thought nipple pinching was declared torture under the 1948 Geneva Convention
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 3:08 pm
So that means waterboarding isn’t foreplay then? Damn . . . .
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 3:08 pm
by the way, Amy Winehouse looks like a three-quarter axe embedded in a badger . . .
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 3:09 pm
FFE, you know you want her. Key fucked a badger by accident once, maybe not. An accident.
Hey, do they make those things in a hermaprhodite model ? Think it would get confused ?
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 3:17 pm
Yeah, I fucked a badger. Just to prove I could.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 3:19 pm
Personally, I think a hermaphroditic robot would get locked in the ultimate continous loop.
And yes, I want Amy Winehouse. I got a cord of wood out back that needs splitting with that honker of hers.
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 3:26 pm
Split your wood huh ?
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 4:10 pm
Ouch. Keep that bitch’s shnoz away from my parties. Christ.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 4:17 pm
It aint that bad.
http://www.mp3-easy.com/images/Nov_06/amy_winehouse_rehab.jpg
She could tickle your balls with it during 69
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 7:08 pm
Winehouse is okay. Still, if you seek a beautiful, young Jewess with a remarkable voice, but without all the crack-smoking, you need look no further than Regina Spektor. See if you agree.
Soylent Ape
13 Feb 08 at 7:50 pm
I like em nastier than that.
A few of my dream fucks would be Halle Berry, Alysaa Milano, or Annabella Lwin.
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 7:59 pm
I had a thing for Helen Hunt. I’m so embarassed that I just admitted that. Fuck.
keywork.
13 Feb 08 at 8:26 pm
Dont feel bad, I thought about Betty White once
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 9:42 pm
Wusses. If you want a big nose ooh la la, look no further than Ileana Douglas.
And Amy Winehouse . . . well, between those teeth, nose and tattoos, I thought I was looking at graffiti on a rock behind a picket fence.
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 11:08 pm
This is fun, boys.
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 11:08 pm
Well FFE, the only question left is…
what have you been fucking ?
micky2
13 Feb 08 at 11:39 pm
Well, let’s put it this way - no splinters, no SPCA pickets outside my house, and no presence on any sex offender lists or gay tourism sites :D
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 11:49 pm
And no Isaac Asimov awards, if you get my drift . . .
Frontier Former Editor
13 Feb 08 at 11:49 pm
So you look at yourself in the mirror and jack off?
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 12:23 am
Fraid not - I don’t have any Dubya awards either.
Frontier Former Editor
14 Feb 08 at 7:26 am
I can’t imagine how fucking Isaac Asimov would be pleasurable…unless you’re a necrophile.
Soylent Ape
14 Feb 08 at 7:30 am
FFE
Well now its starting to look like you just dont fuck, period
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 9:02 am
Real men fuck — period or no period.
‘Fraid of the redwings, micky?
The Bagel of Everything
14 Feb 08 at 11:49 am
It depends what you fuck.
Fucking robots or sofas doesnt make you anything but horny
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 11:52 am
The only thing I eat that ‘bleeds’ is steak. But yes, Bagel, I agree, real men lay out the towels and surf.
keywork.
14 Feb 08 at 11:57 am
Bagel,
Only the ones that drag on the ground 3 ft. behind you.
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 12:57 pm
Well, Micky, you’re not trolling for me to fuck you, are you?
Frontier Former Editor
14 Feb 08 at 6:11 pm
See ! I knew it ! FFEs trying to reel me in. Fucking closets are everywhere.
I can fuck myself very well , thankyou.
From the side it kinda looks like a coffe mug.
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 8:45 pm
Funny, Larry Craig put out the same line when he got caught asking what other guys fuck . . . .
Frontier Former Editor
14 Feb 08 at 10:21 pm
What did you tell him ?
micky2
14 Feb 08 at 11:47 pm
Oh snap.
keywork.
15 Feb 08 at 9:03 am
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to counsel. If you cannot afford counsel, counsel will be appointed for you by the court.”
Frontier Former Editor
15 Feb 08 at 2:04 pm
And then you proceeded with a cavity search ?
Tunnel of love ?
micky2
15 Feb 08 at 2:14 pm
Ah, a Springsteen fan?
Frontier Former Editor
15 Feb 08 at 10:24 pm
Springsteen always sounds like he just guzzled a wad.
And he walks like he got stiches.
micky2
15 Feb 08 at 10:29 pm
Yessss! Finally an answer to my singledom…why didn’t I think of this sooner?
Jenice
17 Feb 08 at 12:39 pm
Jenice.
Savvy boomer sounds lonely ! Hes a Canuck so….
micky2
17 Feb 08 at 2:21 pm
AJJ: Honey, don’t fret. Marital aids are legal in TX now :)
The Bagel of Everything
17 Feb 08 at 7:58 pm
I gotta wonder about the safety of a full-service sex robot. They’re powered by electrical current, after all.
Soylent Ape
17 Feb 08 at 9:19 pm
not to mention the dangers of a knish with mechanical action
Frontier Former Editor
17 Feb 08 at 9:35 pm
Soy.
Does that mean phone sex is out ?
FFE.
Isnt that a Jewish meatball ?
Marital aids ?
Is that like when your spouse makes you sick ?
micky2
17 Feb 08 at 10:26 pm
@ Micky: Give me a little advance warning the next time you write some zingers and I’ll set up my snare drum (rimshot). Phone sex has been out for years. Marital AIDS is when your spouse nags you so much it weakens your immune system, thereby leaving you susceptible to opportunistic infections.
@ FFE: all knishes have “mechanical action” once they reach the lower intestine.
Soylent Ape
17 Feb 08 at 11:13 pm
Soy.
I have my own snare. I’ll leave the rim shots ro FFE.
Phones vibrate these days.
micky2
18 Feb 08 at 12:00 am
Got it.
Soylent Ape
18 Feb 08 at 6:14 am
So , how is everyone going to celebrate presidents day ?
Be as patriotic as possible and go to some public function and get blasted off your asses ?
micky2
18 Feb 08 at 10:54 am
I figured I’d celebrate Presidents Day by running around like Warren Harding, sputtering that non-word ‘normalcy’ and then fucking a FEMALE secretary in the confines of the White House broom closet before finally wondering aloud why Calvin Coolidge is such a gloomy bastard.
Frontier Former Editor
18 Feb 08 at 1:46 pm