Where is your God now, poop lady?
January 17, Somewhere in Michigan:
Jean Mansel says her husband “got a phone call in a real graspy voice, over the phone, saying check your mailbox.”
Naturally, she ran right out and opened the mailbox, where she didn’t find a bomb– that wouldn’t be nearly as funny as the letter she did find :
We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed.
Sincerely,
Lindy Lane Residents
‘Jesus’ is a super classy 80 pound cement statue which she has “cherished for nearly a year.” She’s since cleaned up the ‘weiner poopie’ (That’s dog doo – as far as I know she doesn’t have a case of shitting dick nipples. Thanks, Cody) The stone savior was returned days later, having been stolen “not by neighbors but by a family member.”
Michiganians sure take their pranks seriously! I hear they’re going to steal the real Jesus for April Fools’.
Sources: DetroitCity.com - WZZM13 (they got video) - FreeP.com
I thought about posting that when it happened but I only had a cnn video link, that’s pretty damn funny. I didnt realize they caught the culprits.
LOL Heathen
4 Feb 08 at 1:41 am
Um, what?
Cody
4 Feb 08 at 2:31 am
LolHeath: Did you follow the link to the local news vid? I love bad reporting.
Cody: Yes?
The Bagel of Everything
4 Feb 08 at 7:00 am
I love how the Copy Editor and/or News Director allowed the report to just say “Jesus” over and over, instead of “statue”. Sure seems like a concerted effort for a viral video.
Soylent Ape
4 Feb 08 at 7:12 am
Ok, so if Jesus has been found, does that mean people will stop searching for him? I hope so.
keywork.
4 Feb 08 at 10:39 am
Nice. It’s Michiganders though. And yes we do.
Shorty
4 Feb 08 at 10:48 am
Sometimes I dont pick up my great danes shit. Maybe thats why I lost my lawn furniture.
micky2
4 Feb 08 at 11:09 am
You may be on to something there Micky. Those dogs have shit the size of squirls. I hate squirls.
Shorty
4 Feb 08 at 11:13 am
Micky and I built this campaign on dead squirrels. And Bagel’s campaign posters. Note to Christians: now that Jesus has been found, I know you’ll be looking for something else to do. Might I suggest a new hobby like, um, flying a kite. At least you can see a kite. Or come work for my campaign. I love me some blind obedience.
keywork.
4 Feb 08 at 11:45 am
Shorty.
As a matter of fact Keys intial campaign photo ops ended up on the cover of the socialist squirrel blog. http://socialistsquirrel.com/
micky2
4 Feb 08 at 1:11 pm
Ah, now I see. I read “poopie from your wieners” the totally wrong way.
I’m a bad person.
Bagel Note: That’s brilliant. I’m editing that in.
Cody
4 Feb 08 at 2:01 pm
Rough night Cody ?
micky2
4 Feb 08 at 2:12 pm
nightS, micky, nightS. I think we have found the cause of the sandpaper shortage. I wonder what it’s like not to have nipples?
keywork.
4 Feb 08 at 2:32 pm
Maybe its like having your ass on your chest ?
micky2
4 Feb 08 at 5:30 pm
I can’t bend that way to find out, micky.
keywork.
4 Feb 08 at 5:50 pm
Well if you really have to find out I guess you’ll just have too cut the little fuckers off now, wont you ? You could graph the nipples to your ass and then you would know what its like to have your chest on your ass.
Be careful, some guy might try to titty fuck you.
micky2
4 Feb 08 at 6:06 pm
Shorty: My sincere appologies to the Michiganeers.
Cody: Niice! I didn’t even think of the shitting dick nipples angle. Woulda bumped us up from #5 to #1 on google search! Oh hell, I’m gunna edit it in.
Micky, Key: I ♥ you. I’ll get to work on your new poster asap, promises.
The Bagel of Everything
4 Feb 08 at 9:02 pm
@ Bagel: I thought we were number 3 on google search…
Soylent Ape
4 Feb 08 at 9:57 pm
I always wondered if the first Real Life Superhero was Captain Sticky, Superbarrio (Super Barrrio Gomez) or… well, JESUS.
The guy has everything: the real life powers, the suit, the logo. And I bet he would have joined the Heroes Network as well.
E.
Entomo
5 Feb 08 at 4:50 am
Soy: We were #3 for a while, last I checked we’d fallen to #5.
Entomo: And glow in the dark hands
The Bagel of Everything
5 Feb 08 at 6:29 am
Ok, Bagel. Today would be a good day to punch out that poster, what with it being “No One Is Reading Our Fucking Blogs” Tuesday and all.
keywork.
5 Feb 08 at 12:10 pm
I tried to make the poster but I didn’t have the skill needed for my concept. Sorry.
The Bagel of Everything
5 Feb 08 at 11:21 pm
That’s ok, Bagel, let me know what can be done.
keywork.
6 Feb 08 at 11:09 am
amazing story, she deserved it.
jasmincormier
6 Feb 08 at 11:22 am
A ’super classy’ 80 pound cement statue of Jesus? Doubt it.
They should have kidnapped HER. Gaaaa, I hate it when people don’t pick up after their dogs.
azahar
7 Feb 08 at 8:46 am
Key: I’m about 6 projects behind, but I’ll cook something up for you, promise. You should hit up FFE…he likes making arts, too.
Jasmin: Totally. Which reminds me, I gotta go clean my yard.
Azahar: I hate cleaning up after dogs.
The Bagel of Everything
7 Feb 08 at 11:52 am
Yeah, hey, FFE, ask Bagel about the new project, let me know if you can make anything of it. As usual, it’s a free plug for you and it will be plastered all over everywhere.
keywork.
7 Feb 08 at 11:59 am
Hey folks, watch out when Key offers plastering.
micky2
7 Feb 08 at 1:06 pm
Yeah, you may find yourself with a sticky situation on your hands. Or in them.
keywork.
7 Feb 08 at 1:22 pm
Key, heck, I’ll ask you about the new project
Frontier Former Editor
7 Feb 08 at 1:24 pm
ffe: I’ve emailed you the info, plus the isolated images i made
The Bagel of Everything
7 Feb 08 at 1:29 pm
Awesome! Thanks, FFE, Bagel. Looking forward to the art.
keywork.
7 Feb 08 at 1:32 pm
Oh ! I feel like kid on Christmas eve.
micky2
7 Feb 08 at 1:33 pm
FFE makes some good shit. He made this and this and this :)
The Bagel of Everything
7 Feb 08 at 1:35 pm
You do feel like a kid. Wait, I think that was Kevin’s comment. Sorry, Kev.
keywork.
7 Feb 08 at 1:35 pm
Wow, that’s very impressive, Bagel - you mean FFE isn’t just a pretty face?
azahar
9 Feb 08 at 12:05 pm
No ma’am! He’s a fine upstanding young man.
He also made this for Key.
Oh, and KW: He showed me your new poster and it’s awesome. Has he sent it to you yet?
The Bagel of Everything
9 Feb 08 at 12:31 pm
oy, jesus. i go away for a few months, and come back to this? and you wonder why i want to leave michigan?
MC
CatHouseWaitress
9 Feb 08 at 3:09 pm
CATHOUSEWAITRESS!!! OMG 10HC! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!$#@
The Bagel of Everything
10 Feb 08 at 12:55 pm