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The Circumcision of Jesus

with 59 comments

The circumcision of Jesus
Loltheist made me do it. They’re a bad influence on my artistic integrities!

Related posts: Ode to My Husband’s Missing Foreskin - All your Lego are belong to Jesus

Written by The Bagel of Everything

January 10, 2008 at 5:03 am

Posted in art, circumcision, lolcats, religion, sacrilege, satire

« Making bathtime lulz of fun
Go Cry, Emo Senator »

59 Responses to 'The Circumcision of Jesus'

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  1. Ok, so who’s cut and who’s got the freaky finger-looking thing in their pants?

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 1:01 pm

  2. Cut. No anteater here.

    keywork.

    10 Jan 08 at 1:22 pm

  3. I got cut when I was 6. I guess I was doing something wrong because I remember the doc asking me if I played with myself. I didnt even know what that meant. If I did I would of denied it anyway.
    Next thing I know I’m waking up with my dick in bandages looking like a mummy dildo. I went running down the hall screaming for my mom cuz I thought they cut it off.
    They had to give me a sedative that made me puke on the nurse.
    I had a boner for 6 days until it started healing, I remember the sponge baths.
    Now I have a two tone pecker. Like a zebra. Like a wafer dipped in chocolate wearing a shroom

    micky2

    10 Jan 08 at 1:47 pm

  4. all true Americans are cut. As am I.

    seohack

    10 Jan 08 at 1:48 pm

  5. I’m a big fan of not needing to use my hands to pee.

    keywork.

    10 Jan 08 at 1:53 pm

  6. ’splains the divorce, kw. Women hate messy pissers.

    My exhusband wasn’t cut, and he had problems with it.
    The foreskin didn’t retract properly.
    I made him get it snipped before I’d marry him.
    3 months later I filed for divorce.

    Practical joke gone too far?

    SEO: WTF am I then?

    Micky: Pics, or it didn’t happen

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 1:57 pm

  7. woah, It’s not my aim, I’m referring to the hood that I don’t have to deal with. Women also hate it when you pee on them. Well, some of them at least.

    keywork.

    10 Jan 08 at 2:00 pm

  8. I’m uncut and pretty sensitive. Its a lot of fun because you can put things in it!

    Kevin

    10 Jan 08 at 2:35 pm

  9. like, spare change?

    can you hide your stash in there?

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 2:40 pm

  10. Oh gross! Don’t put shit int here! I saw a picture on the internet once of a guy wrapping his foreskin around an orange or something and then another where it was wrapped around another penis. I don’t get the appeal.

    I’m cut like a Jew. We have pictures from the event. It’s a family thing. My faith ended that day.

    Scott

    10 Jan 08 at 2:48 pm

  11. I’m bored! Talk more about penises!

    Scott

    10 Jan 08 at 3:39 pm

  12. I knew this was going to happen.

    keywork.

    10 Jan 08 at 3:45 pm

  13. Bagel; It happened. But I cant get the camera to focus on both ends.

    micky2

    10 Jan 08 at 4:15 pm

  14. What’s the profound purpose of this thread?

    E.

    Entomo

    10 Jan 08 at 6:29 pm

  15. Scotty: I’ve seen the thing with the 2 guys…they look like siamese twins.
    “We have pictures from the event. ” <– so, you’re totally covered for ‘Pics, or it didn’t happen’ ? Do they have a 5×7 in a lil pewter frame inscribed “baby’s first unnessesary surgery” ?

    KW: Whatever, talk more about penises.

    micky: We don’t need to see your crusty back end.

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 6:41 pm

  16. Circumcision, Entomo.

    It’s a reader poll. For science.

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 6:41 pm

  17. E, this has very little to do with science. Bagel needs to quit meat-gazing.

    keywork.

    10 Jan 08 at 6:52 pm

  18. IT IS TOO SCIENCE!

    Don’t question science.

    bagel of everything

    10 Jan 08 at 7:01 pm

  19. Bagel is living vicariously through her readers’ pants.

    “I’m uncut and pretty sensitive. Its a lot of fun because you can put things in it!”

    Dude…I guess having your own petri dish is sort of cool. Just not in my mouth.

    The reason I’ll never have a successful relationship is because I’m not an equal opportunity dater…I discriminate against turtlenecks.

    Stiletto

    10 Jan 08 at 7:38 pm

  20. Practical joke gone too far?

    Bagel, you are fucked up…but you know that, don’t you?

    You and Micky are in the running for first.

    Stiletto

    10 Jan 08 at 7:40 pm

  21. Hey, Bagel, now that you’ve gone the poll on poles, why don’t you do a “are you a meat curtain kind of girl or is your shit nice and tucked in?” survey?

    Stiletto

    10 Jan 08 at 7:42 pm

  22. Not the ones that drag on the ground and bang on your ankles ?

    micky2

    10 Jan 08 at 11:19 pm

  23. I have vague memories of a miniature guillotine…or was that Robin Hood: Men in Tights?

    Cody

    11 Jan 08 at 3:58 am

  24. If sex would be a science, then I’m a scientist.

    E.

    Entomo

    11 Jan 08 at 4:29 am

  25. Stil: Why don’t you write us an article on twat cosmetic surgery and we’ll poll it! Mine could use a bit of the ol’ nip tuck. It’s not freaky big, but I like the barbie doll look.

    Cody, Entomo: Are you to afraid to share your status? So far, Kevin is the only whole man among you!

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 7:42 am

  26. My status? No. Nobody cut my… sting.

    E.

    Entomo

    11 Jan 08 at 8:29 am

  27. I like that women prefer sucking on mutilated penises. It says a lot about that gender.

    Kevin

    11 Jan 08 at 11:01 am

  28. 2 whole men…and neither conceived in the US. Anyone else?

    Yes, Kevin. Yes it does.

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 11:09 am

  29. Ok, I’ll work on it. At least give me til the weekend.

    BTW, I’m like a Barbie Doll….”all-over.”

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 11:10 am

  30. Mmm, mutilated penis..it’s what’s for breakfast.

    Or so I wish.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 11:11 am

  31. so you’re saying there’s a chance….

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 11:44 am

  32. Snipped, always wondered how it would be different, though I suppose its low maintenance, which is always a good thing. i think.

    LOL Heathen

    11 Jan 08 at 12:44 pm

  33. Stil: You mean you don’t got nipples? Did your booboplastician forget to sew them back on?

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 12:46 pm

  34. Actually, if you must know, the damn surgeon fucked up my right nipple ala Tara Reid but not as bad..still, the guy wants me to trust him to do my eyes one day?

    I could get it fixed and be on some good drugs for awhile but you think these old farts I date really notice?

    Anyway, I was referring to your barbie doll look comment….I’m saying I am very, er, nipped and tucked down there…

    I have a picture but Kevin might faint if he saw an actual woman part.

    Plus it’s private anyway, so to speak…

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 1:10 pm

  35. you have my email address, don’t you?

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 1:17 pm

  36. I am not sending you a picture of the goods! On top or bottom! Geez…lol

    However, I am perusing labia photos…purely in the name of research.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 1:37 pm

  37. Fine, I’ll come clean: I’m cut.

    Cody

    11 Jan 08 at 1:48 pm

  38. In more ways than one, heh.

    Cody

    11 Jan 08 at 1:56 pm

  39. I use to know a chick who had those inverted nipples. Looked like two tight little pink pussies on each breast
    We broke up cuz I kept trying to suck them out to normal, and then they would just go back to hiding. It was a riot , they would come out for a few seconds and then just go back in , like crab eyes.

    micky2

    11 Jan 08 at 2:10 pm

  40. Stil: but its for science!!! and um maybe so i can show my doctor my preferred ‘after’

    Cody: huh?

    Micky: reading that made my boobies hurt.

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 2:25 pm

  41. I thought Micky said “crab cakes.” I was trying to figure that one out.

    Bagel, google Asian pussy and you’ll get your picture…we all look roughly the same.

    Besides, the Brazilian wax job will be too distracting.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 3:20 pm

  42. we should discuss the ‘extra box muscle’. at some point.

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 3:32 pm

  43. Stil: You just don’t trust me. Look, I promise I’ll show it to Soy, ok?

    KW: yeah. like, can they hold a pencil with it?

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 3:34 pm

  44. Don’t forget to share with daddy. See if you can get a picture of the box holding the pencil.

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 4:10 pm

  45. daddy, im tired of you getting my porn all sticky!

    bagel of everything

    11 Jan 08 at 5:46 pm

  46. ‘Look, I promise I’ll show it to Soy, ok?”

    You’re damn skippy I don’t trust anyone with it! One day I’ll log on and see that pic floating around…

    This box only takes vanilla pencils.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 6:24 pm

  47. Bagel; Micky: reading that made my boobies hurt.

    Good, does that mean the feeling is coming back?

    micky2

    11 Jan 08 at 6:33 pm

  48. vanilla pencils. what is this, Chutes n Ladders? fuck. yes, I guess it is. I hate it when I out-stupid myself.

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 6:37 pm

  49. Vanilla pencils. Cut vanilla pencils with big erasers.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 8:23 pm

  50. Stil: check and check. does that make you the pencil sharpener???

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 9:46 pm

  51. Oooh lay la! I suppose it does!

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 10:11 pm

  52. excellent. do me a favor and plug yourself in. now.

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 11:00 pm

  53. My plug is already in.

    Stiletto

    11 Jan 08 at 11:13 pm

  54. astraglide? i own stock.

    keywork.

    11 Jan 08 at 11:33 pm

  55. Then you’ll be a rich man, cuz Astroglide is the lube of choice for sexual outlaws.

    Oh wait, you said AstrAglide. Sorry, wrong stock.

    Stiletto

    12 Jan 08 at 12:22 am

  56. Stil: Real women make their own lube

    bagel of everything

    12 Jan 08 at 1:42 am

  57. This is only slightly related, but I figured it was a RR-worthy link.

    Cody

    17 Jan 08 at 10:19 pm

  58. Nice find, Cody! Also, plz don’t buy this for me. I’m phobic of lice.

    Plush Plagues Bag
    Includes all 10 plagues!

    Ages 3 & up Keeps the kids entertained during Passover. This plush yellow plagues bag contains representations for all of the plagues (not necessarily in the correct order):

    A spooky eyed drop of blood
    A Frog for frogs—of course
    A Giant Lice for lice. (bagel note: A giant louse, you stupidheads)
    Cow for cattle disease
    Black Locust for locusts
    A white satin lump of hail
    A black cube of darkness
    An icky boil on a piece of flesh!
    A snarling lion’s head for wild beasts
    and last of all a very sad head - for death of the first born.

    The frog, lice, cow and locust wriggle and roll their eyes, quiver, buzz and move when you pull their string and are apx 4.5″ long.

    bagel of everything

    18 Jan 08 at 4:40 am

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