The Circumcision of Jesus « Ration Reality

The Circumcision of Jesus

with 59 comments

The circumcision of Jesus
Loltheist made me do it. They’re a bad influence on my artistic integrities!

Written by The Bagel of Everything

January 10, 2008 at 5:03 am

Posted in art, circumcision, lolcats, religion, sacrilege, satire

59 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

Ok, so who’s cut and who’s got the freaky finger-looking thing in their pants?

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 1:01 pm

Reply
Cut. No anteater here.

keywork.

January 10, 2008 at 1:22 pm

Reply
I got cut when I was 6. I guess I was doing something wrong because I remember the doc asking me if I played with myself. I didnt even know what that meant. If I did I would of denied it anyway.
Next thing I know I’m waking up with my dick in bandages looking like a mummy dildo. I went running down the hall screaming for my mom cuz I thought they cut it off.
They had to give me a sedative that made me puke on the nurse.
I had a boner for 6 days until it started healing, I remember the sponge baths.
Now I have a two tone pecker. Like a zebra. Like a wafer dipped in chocolate wearing a shroom

micky2

January 10, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Reply
all true Americans are cut. As am I.

seohack

January 10, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Reply
I’m a big fan of not needing to use my hands to pee.

keywork.

January 10, 2008 at 1:53 pm

Reply
’splains the divorce, kw. Women hate messy pissers.

My exhusband wasn’t cut, and he had problems with it.
The foreskin didn’t retract properly.
I made him get it snipped before I’d marry him.
3 months later I filed for divorce.

Practical joke gone too far?

SEO: WTF am I then?

Micky: Pics, or it didn’t happen

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Reply
woah, It’s not my aim, I’m referring to the hood that I don’t have to deal with. Women also hate it when you pee on them. Well, some of them at least.

keywork.

January 10, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Reply
I’m uncut and pretty sensitive. Its a lot of fun because you can put things in it!

Kevin

January 10, 2008 at 2:35 pm

Reply
like, spare change?

can you hide your stash in there?

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 2:40 pm

Reply
Oh gross! Don’t put shit int here! I saw a picture on the internet once of a guy wrapping his foreskin around an orange or something and then another where it was wrapped around another penis. I don’t get the appeal.

I’m cut like a Jew. We have pictures from the event. It’s a family thing. My faith ended that day.

Scott

January 10, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Reply
I’m bored! Talk more about penises!

Scott

January 10, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Reply
I knew this was going to happen.

keywork.

January 10, 2008 at 3:45 pm

Reply
Bagel; It happened. But I cant get the camera to focus on both ends.

micky2

January 10, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Reply
What’s the profound purpose of this thread?

E.

Entomo

January 10, 2008 at 6:29 pm

Reply
Scotty: I’ve seen the thing with the 2 guys…they look like siamese twins.
“We have pictures from the event. ” <– so, you’re totally covered for ‘Pics, or it didn’t happen’ ? Do they have a 5×7 in a lil pewter frame inscribed “baby’s first unnessesary surgery” ?

KW: Whatever, talk more about penises.

micky: We don’t need to see your crusty back end.

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Reply
Circumcision, Entomo.

It’s a reader poll. For science.

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Reply
E, this has very little to do with science. Bagel needs to quit meat-gazing.

keywork.

January 10, 2008 at 6:52 pm

Reply
IT IS TOO SCIENCE!

Don’t question science.

bagel of everything

January 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm

Reply
Bagel is living vicariously through her readers’ pants.

“I’m uncut and pretty sensitive. Its a lot of fun because you can put things in it!”

Dude…I guess having your own petri dish is sort of cool. Just not in my mouth.

The reason I’ll never have a successful relationship is because I’m not an equal opportunity dater…I discriminate against turtlenecks.

Stiletto

January 10, 2008 at 7:38 pm

Reply
Practical joke gone too far?

Bagel, you are fucked up…but you know that, don’t you?

You and Micky are in the running for first.

Stiletto

January 10, 2008 at 7:40 pm

Reply
Hey, Bagel, now that you’ve gone the poll on poles, why don’t you do a “are you a meat curtain kind of girl or is your shit nice and tucked in?” survey?

Stiletto

January 10, 2008 at 7:42 pm

Reply
Not the ones that drag on the ground and bang on your ankles ?

micky2

January 10, 2008 at 11:19 pm

Reply
I have vague memories of a miniature guillotine…or was that Robin Hood: Men in Tights?

Cody

January 11, 2008 at 3:58 am

Reply
If sex would be a science, then I’m a scientist.

E.

Entomo

January 11, 2008 at 4:29 am

Reply
Stil: Why don’t you write us an article on twat cosmetic surgery and we’ll poll it! Mine could use a bit of the ol’ nip tuck. It’s not freaky big, but I like the barbie doll look.

Cody, Entomo: Are you to afraid to share your status? So far, Kevin is the only whole man among you!

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 7:42 am

Reply
My status? No. Nobody cut my… sting.

E.

Entomo

January 11, 2008 at 8:29 am

Reply
I like that women prefer sucking on mutilated penises. It says a lot about that gender.

Kevin

January 11, 2008 at 11:01 am

Reply
2 whole men…and neither conceived in the US. Anyone else?

Yes, Kevin. Yes it does.

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 11:09 am

Reply
Ok, I’ll work on it. At least give me til the weekend.

BTW, I’m like a Barbie Doll….”all-over.”

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 11:10 am

Reply
Mmm, mutilated penis..it’s what’s for breakfast.

Or so I wish.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 11:11 am

Reply
so you’re saying there’s a chance….

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 11:44 am

Reply
Snipped, always wondered how it would be different, though I suppose its low maintenance, which is always a good thing. i think.

LOL Heathen

January 11, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Reply
Stil: You mean you don’t got nipples? Did your booboplastician forget to sew them back on?

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 12:46 pm

Reply
Actually, if you must know, the damn surgeon fucked up my right nipple ala Tara Reid but not as bad..still, the guy wants me to trust him to do my eyes one day?

I could get it fixed and be on some good drugs for awhile but you think these old farts I date really notice?

Anyway, I was referring to your barbie doll look comment….I’m saying I am very, er, nipped and tucked down there…

I have a picture but Kevin might faint if he saw an actual woman part.

Plus it’s private anyway, so to speak…

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Reply
you have my email address, don’t you?

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Reply
I am not sending you a picture of the goods! On top or bottom! Geez…lol

However, I am perusing labia photos…purely in the name of research.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 1:37 pm

Reply
Fine, I’ll come clean: I’m cut.

Cody

January 11, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Reply
In more ways than one, heh.

Cody

January 11, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Reply
I use to know a chick who had those inverted nipples. Looked like two tight little pink pussies on each breast
We broke up cuz I kept trying to suck them out to normal, and then they would just go back to hiding. It was a riot , they would come out for a few seconds and then just go back in , like crab eyes.

micky2

January 11, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Reply
Stil: but its for science!!! and um maybe so i can show my doctor my preferred ‘after’

Cody: huh?

Micky: reading that made my boobies hurt.

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 2:25 pm

Reply
I thought Micky said “crab cakes.” I was trying to figure that one out.

Bagel, google Asian pussy and you’ll get your picture…we all look roughly the same.

Besides, the Brazilian wax job will be too distracting.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Reply
we should discuss the ‘extra box muscle’. at some point.

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 3:32 pm

Reply
Stil: You just don’t trust me. Look, I promise I’ll show it to Soy, ok?

KW: yeah. like, can they hold a pencil with it?

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

Reply
Don’t forget to share with daddy. See if you can get a picture of the box holding the pencil.

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Reply
daddy, im tired of you getting my porn all sticky!

bagel of everything

January 11, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Reply
‘Look, I promise I’ll show it to Soy, ok?”

You’re damn skippy I don’t trust anyone with it! One day I’ll log on and see that pic floating around…

This box only takes vanilla pencils.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Reply
Bagel; Micky: reading that made my boobies hurt.

Good, does that mean the feeling is coming back?

micky2

January 11, 2008 at 6:33 pm

Reply
vanilla pencils. what is this, Chutes n Ladders? fuck. yes, I guess it is. I hate it when I out-stupid myself.

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 6:37 pm

Reply
Vanilla pencils. Cut vanilla pencils with big erasers.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Reply
Stil: check and check. does that make you the pencil sharpener???

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Reply
Oooh lay la! I suppose it does!

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 10:11 pm

Reply
excellent. do me a favor and plug yourself in. now.

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Reply
My plug is already in.

Stiletto

January 11, 2008 at 11:13 pm

Reply
astraglide? i own stock.

keywork.

January 11, 2008 at 11:33 pm

Reply
Then you’ll be a rich man, cuz Astroglide is the lube of choice for sexual outlaws.

Oh wait, you said AstrAglide. Sorry, wrong stock.

Stiletto

January 12, 2008 at 12:22 am

Reply
Stil: Real women make their own lube

bagel of everything

January 12, 2008 at 1:42 am

Reply
This is only slightly related, but I figured it was a RR-worthy link.

Cody

January 17, 2008 at 10:19 pm

Reply
Nice find, Cody! Also, plz don’t buy this for me. I’m phobic of lice.

Plush Plagues Bag
Includes all 10 plagues!

Ages 3 & up Keeps the kids entertained during Passover. This plush yellow plagues bag contains representations for all of the plagues (not necessarily in the correct order):

A spooky eyed drop of blood
A Frog for frogs—of course
A Giant Lice for lice. (bagel note: A giant louse, you stupidheads)
Cow for cattle disease
Black Locust for locusts
A white satin lump of hail
A black cube of darkness
An icky boil on a piece of flesh!
A snarling lion’s head for wild beasts
and last of all a very sad head – for death of the first born.

The frog, lice, cow and locust wriggle and roll their eyes, quiver, buzz and move when you pull their string and are apx 4.5″ long.

bagel of everything

January 18, 2008 at 4:40 am

Reply
[...] posts: Scientology is Serious Business - The Circumcision of Jesus - Why People Believe in Consciousness « The worst thing [...]

The Blessed Virgina « Ration Reality

March 21, 2008 at 5:26 am

Reply

Ration Reality

The Circumcision of Jesus

59 Responses

Leave a Reply

asshats

/feed/ me

Archives

The Blogroll OF DOOM!

Categories