Ration Reality

Making bathtime lulz of fun

Posted in amazon, anus, gifts, hygiene, shopping, wtf by The Bagel of Everything on January 9th, 2008

I found these hygiene helpers yesterday, while Kevin was taunting me re: my preference for keeping my salad untossed.

Canus Li’l Goat’s(e) Milk Fruit Fragranced Crayon Soap
How many wrongs can you find?


More ill conceived products:
The tiniest Santa - The Nipple Extractor - A lure worse than the disease 
The Scat of Luxury -  Jesus Saves … guitar picks?

51 Responses to 'Making bathtime lulz of fun'

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  1. Entomo said, on January 9th, 2008 at 9:37 am

    They look like a familiar piece of me… only slightly smaller.

    E.

  2. bagel of everything said, on January 9th, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Wow, Entomo….they must take circumcision seriously in Italy.
    Are you apple, orange, lemon, strawberry or grape?

  3. Scott said, on January 9th, 2008 at 9:56 am

    Oh my God, I had bath crayons when I was a kid! They were my favorite thing! I didn’t know they worked as soap, but you could wet them and draw all over the tiles and it would wash clean away. So much fun.

  4. God said, on January 9th, 2008 at 9:57 am

    No, Bagel, he’s talking about his nose.

  5. bagel of everything said, on January 9th, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Scott: I would love to have tub crayons! I would color pretty pictures everywhere! And then I’d clean my butt with them. And then I’d draw a picture of that! According to product reviews, tho, these are soap only and don’t really draw.

    God: That’s creepy when you don’t use your link.

  6. Entomo said, on January 9th, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Actually, Bagel knows what I’m referring to. God, come back to paradise.

    By the way, it’s lemon. Sweet and painful.

    E.

  7. God said, on January 9th, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    @entomo: I created the lemon to be sour. You’re doing it wrong.
    @Bagel: yes, it is creepy. I created that, too.

  8. Stiletto said, on January 9th, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    My mother punished me with those when I was little…she’d wash my mouth out with them then she’d stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine if I said dirty words…oh wait, I got it backwards, she’d stick it where the sun don’t shine then wash my mouth out…by the way, is vagina a flavor?

  9. keywork. said, on January 9th, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    Only if you don’t douche, Stiletto.

  10. Entomo said, on January 9th, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    “Is va*ina a flavour?”

    Man. The best one. You should taste it.

    E.

  11. keywork. said, on January 9th, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    Well, at least he’s done with injecting things.

  12. Stiletto said, on January 9th, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    I have, Entomo. But I’ve been too drunk to remember it. Sure you’ve been there done that. But at least I haven’t woken up with a 300 lb woman, as a friend confessed to me yesterday…

    All my women have been at least a seven plus. Wow, I should start a totally sex blog, anonymous of course.

    Keywork, you are not supposed to douche. However, before anal, you are supposed to give yourself an enema. Just ask Bagel!

  13. keywork. said, on January 9th, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    No, I am not supposed to douche. Here: Only if you don’t clean it out.

  14. micky2 said, on January 9th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    When I was 5 I was taking a bath with my little sis and she shit in the tub.
    I started yelling for my mom; I said “mom, mom Lisa shit in the tub !”
    My mother came running in the bathroom with one of those huge 3 ft. long crayons and broke it over my head for swearing.

  15. Stiletto said, on January 9th, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    Oh, Micky…was that the beginning of the end?

    Well, when I was 17 and taking a bath with my brother, who was 15, he farted in the water and my mother thought it was so cute she snapped up a pic. Thank God this was before the advent of the internet and flickr.

  16. micky2 said, on January 9th, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    17 and 15 ? What The Fuck ? Is your mom your sister ?

    It was the end of the beggining. I moved out that day. My mom snapped a shot of me in shorts with a suitcase and an elastic bow tie asking the neighbors if I could live with them.

  17. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:39 am

    Stil: Ah, the ol’ rusty nail school of parenting.

    Micky, KW: Lemme know when you work through the “if it’s for your ass, is it still called a douche” debate.

    E: Vagina is the real English word for it, so I imagine even a superhero can say it. It’s the word a doctor would use, and you’re kinda like a doctor — a doctor of AWESOME!

  18. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am

    Bagel, You’ll have to ask Manford Man.

  19. Soylent ape said, on January 10th, 2008 at 1:19 am

    In several of the Romance Languages, “douche” (or some similar cognate) means “spritz” or “shower”. It’s a generic term for being sprayed with fluid.

  20. Entomo said, on January 10th, 2008 at 4:06 am

    “But at least I haven’t woken up with a 300 lb woman” - What’s wrong with that? Every woman on Earth is worthwhile - except nuns.

    Bagel: oh I see. Many thanks, baby.

    E.

  21. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Would a 300 lb. womans douche have to be designed differently ?

  22. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Yes.

    er, i mean… how the hell would I know?

  23. keywork. said, on January 10th, 2008 at 10:24 am

    micky, I believe the proper equipment would involve a rather large (think fire nozzle) device coupled to a large diameter hose. Possibly mated to a fire hydrant. There’s no spritzing a 3 bill.
    Bagel, I guess it depends on who’s ass it is.

  24. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 10:27 am

    Key; Foot operated ?

  25. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 10:36 am

    I’ll bet all the gays and trannys dont go around telling their partners that they need to do an enema first. It probably sounds alot sexier and lady like to say ‘ I’m gonna go freshen up and douche a little first, you just wait right there.” And then ass probably needs to camaflouge the smell more than pussy does. So I think for ass it could very well be a flavored or scented douche thats in order. Unless they have flavored and scented enemas on the market. And once you get there, its probably all the same.

    I dont know, just guessing.

  26. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 10:56 am

    “for ass it could very well be a flavored or scented douche ”

    These crayons are fruit scented…

    I need these

  27. God said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:07 am

    Yes, Bagel, you do.

  28. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:08 am

    oh noes! I just left myself wide the fuck open didn’t I?

  29. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:08 am

    uh wait…

    strike that last bit

  30. Kevin said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Micky, for chrissakes, you don’t need to douche everytime you want to do it up the butt. It isn’t like a penis is going to scrape your large intestine!

  31. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:27 am

    How would you know ?

  32. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Bagel; You sure did. And I still have that 3 ft. crayon my mom bashed me with.

  33. keywork. said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Micky, check Kevin’s blog. That’s how he would know. Read also: Homosexual Male, Anal Sex, No Vagina. Sorry, Kev, sometimes I have to spell things out for clarity.

  34. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Key; Fuck, I dont even know if I want to do that. I’m in a good mood right now.
    I’m cruising Main st. in Ann Arbor right now soaking up some memories and scoping out the college pussy.

  35. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    hahahahahahahaha

    oh shit, micky!

    Everything makes a lil more sense now, doesn’t it?
    Did you think we were just being mean to Kevin all this time?

    BTW: Kevin’s blog is awesome, you’d like it. Honest.

  36. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    I’ll give it whirl later. I have to do some caulking right now.

  37. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    In my tub.

  38. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    manly, micky

    Then, are you going to go kill things, and use a chainsaw?

  39. Kevin said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    I like to check out college pussy too..

    ASS PUSSY.

    Because assholes have pussy lips too. That’s true, I’ve seen them.

  40. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    No Kevin. Thats the 300 pounders lips hanging around her asshole when shes on her back. You’ve been fucking 300 lb. ass only cuz you werent able to see what you were doing.

  41. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    “her asshole when shes on her back”

    You’re still not really understanding the whole “kevin’s gay” thing, are you micky?

  42. micky2 said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Yea, I guess you’re right bagel. I just felt sorry for the 300 pounder and was trying to bring her back into the spin here.
    But ann asshole with pussy lips is kinda like saying” mexican pizza” or “chinese hamburger “or ” Jumbo shrimp”

  43. keywork. said, on January 10th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Or Politically Correct.

  44. bagel of everything said, on January 10th, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    There’s a new post up, boys…

    And a challenge in the comments!

  45. Stiletto said, on January 10th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    My butt has pussy lips but that’s from an old case of piles.

  46. Soylent ape said, on January 10th, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    I’m just going to act like I never saw this post.

  47. Cody said, on January 11th, 2008 at 3:59 am

    That’s usually a smart thing, SA.

  48. The Bagel of Everything said, on January 29th, 2008 at 10:11 pm

    Stil: My butt has TMI on it

    Soy: Puritan!

    Cody: You totally just bought a case of these on Amazon. I know you did.

  49. Cody said, on January 30th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    Alas, ’tis true. I couldn’t go without their wall-coloring goodness. And buttsecks.

  50. The Bagel of Everything said, on February 12th, 2008 at 8:52 am

    A clean rectum is a happy rectum, Cody.

  51. 25cents: a big handfull « Ration Reality said, on March 18th, 2008 at 3:25 pm

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