The 12 vids of Christmas
Since RR will be taking a few days to celebrate Christmas and New Years, we thought we’d leave you with a few vids to get you in the spirit, Ration Reality-style! (Read only one each day–that way, it’ll seem like we’re continuing to post things daily, even when we’re getting wasted on egg nog and Everclear.) Bagel note: Yeah, cuz we totally aren’t drunk when we post…
This bizarre video take on “Santa Claus is Coming to Town comes courtesy of 80s hair-metal refugees Dokken. With a delivery somewhere between The Beatles and Alice Cooper and a very wrong flash animation that’s straight out of a bad Vincent Price movie. “Hope you like what you see!”
Since we make no judgments about how you celebrate the Holidays, Ration Reality Presents: The Twelve Drugs of Christmas. (The “true love” in question here must be filthy rich! Three pounds of grass?)
Perhaps it takes some of those 12 drugs to appreciate this bizarro Latin Christmas greeting. Feliz Navidad and all that good stuff.
How about this message of peace and goodwill from our friends in Twisted Sister. “O Come all ye Faithful” never sounded so trashy and metallic. There’s even a bit of “Hava Nagila”, courtesy of Jay-Jay French and the half of Dee Snider that’s Jewish!
Everyone’s favorite pissed-off, chain-smoking Mick, Dennis Leary, gives us this contemporary take on our favorite Peanuts Christmas special:
Since Bagel and I don’t run from our own redneck-ery, we thought we’d share this little slice o’ White Trash holiday culture from acclaimed parody artist Bob Rivers. Please pass the Cheez-Whiz and Ranier beer!
Finally, for New Years, here’s a real classic called “Dinner for One”. This very British short, for some reason, is broadcast, sans subtitles, on Television stations and networks in Germany, Austria, Switzerland and the Netherlands. My German ex’s father would watch this, without fail, every New Years and bust a gut, even though he didn’t have a clue what they were saying.
Bagel’s picks:
My dearest Soy, you’ve left the Christ out of Christmas!
But who is that God guy, anyway? (Bonus: That’s everyone’s buddy, RR contributor, Zach Action, NEKKID)
For the secular amongst us, Frosty the Pervert, super extreme adult cut:
‘C’ is for your little clit, when I go down beneath. ‘H’ is for your pubic hairs that stick between my teeth. ‘R’ is for your rectum, that ‘I’ fuck with my dick…(full lyrics here)
Things to do with coat hangers, that don’t involve solving Nickelodeon’s Jamie Lynn Spears problem:
Spent too much on gifts, nothing left for the booze? No worries… as long as you can fake a limey accent.
Was that 12? I just don’t know anymore, man. I just don’t know.
From all (both) of us at Ration Reality, to all of you, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
PS: Here’s our entries for the loltheist.com holiday contest.
Bagel’s hilarious, astounding, fabulous Happy Thomas Edison’s Birthday:
Soy’s silly boring myrrh thing:
In the comments, please tell us why Bagel’s is the best which is more betterer. -bagel
I’m going with Bagel, because Bagel likes fruitcake and fruitcake is what the holiday season is all about. Happy day-after-your-birthday, by the way. Don’t look at it as the shortest day of the year- look at it as the longest night of the year. Aww yeeaah.
I’d have gotten you a birthday fruitcake, but I had no idea. Next year.
Happy holiday vacation.
Charlie Brown was fucking great. Just dont let any camel jockys see it. The shit will hiot the fan. (camel shit)
If see one more metal rendition of a christmas song I’m gonna fucking positively shit down my leg.
” Oooh-Oooh its Judas Priest singing White Christmas, wanna dance honey ? ” WTF ?
Bagels card is betterer.
Soys card is worser because I’ve seen so many pics of Jesus by now I understand why Muslims dont want pics of Mohammed. After 50 years it gets really cornfusing I still dont know what he looks like.
You could go to heaven and hug the wrong guy thinking hes Jesus and then get sent down to hell for homosexual advances
Merry Christmas and thanks for the laughs this past year. Looking forward to reading more in 2008!
@ Frogster: Welcome! You’ve got a helluva blog and I think you’re a great guy, even though fruicake is about as disgusting a substance I can think of. It’s like the missing link between Jell-o and bread.
@ Micky: To each his own. A Judas Priest rendition of “Silent Night” would rock, IMO. Iron Maiden performing “O Little Town of Bethlehem” would surely cause me to maike a white, creamy mess in my boxer shorts. I thought the “Peanuts” thing was full of awesome, too!
@ Trailer Park Barbie: We’re glad you’ve enjoyed us this year. We appreciate you and everyone else that has come by our digital double-wide to hang out this year. We’ve got some new things in store for ‘08 and we’re confident ЯR will be even funnierer!
Hey soy,
Have you ever tried Christmas stolen ?
Its actually the original fruitcake. Its a traditional scandinavian sweet bread with fruits and nuts. Once the English got a hold of it they turned it into this ass plugging material that is now the subject of world wide ridicule.
Stolen is great ! Sliced thin and toasted with a little butter. Try it, you might like it.
Heres a pic
http://www.villeroy-boch.com/add_on/uploads/pics/christstollen1_04.jpg
Frog: Thanks for the glass-half-full-iness.
Micky: Muslims don’t want Mohammed’s picture shown cuz he’s ugly. I had a whole post proving that, but certain pussies asked me not to pub. it.
Barbie: You too, darlin. Have a super trashy Christmas! May all your lights twinkle at seisure-inducing speed.
Soy: A good fruitcake is delicious. A bad fruitcake is…dangerous. You’ve prolly just never had a really, really good one. Your Jello-bread thing made me giggle tho, so I arted it
Micky, again: Yes, it’s delicious. Fruitcake is delicious too.
Bagel.
Who are these pussies ?
[...] Bagel at Ration Reality has twelve more for you! Way to go Bagel. You may also find some at humor-blogs.com. [...]
Have a wonderful holiday, RR crew and sycophants.
Love you all —
Stil
Micky: I’ll never tell! Never!
Stil: Happy free stuff day to you as well!
@ Stiletto: Thanks! We wish you the best in the new year!
@ Micky: Thanks for the tip. I have no idea where I’ll be able to get a stolen, but if I ever find one, I’ll give it a try!
Soy; A German or Scandinavian bakery will almost always carry them around this time of year. And beware, some of them are fucking bricks just like American fruitcake. Look for the light and fluffy ones.
When you all have your heads instead of your asses in the toilet and are shitting through your mouths at around 3 am I’ll be thinking of you.
Happy new year guys, gals.
RIght now, millions of Krauts are laughing their asses off while watching “Dinner for One”. It’s funnier to watch them watching it than to watch it yourself!
Half Krauts too (raising hand).
Whooooooooo !
Everyones down for the count !
I’m Irish. I hate everything.
But you said you liked fruit cake ?
My biggest respect to the people who love Christmas, despite I prefer to spend that same night with a woman (if I shouldn’t save the world, of course). And I’m now serious.
I inject justice.
*ip check*
OMG that really is Entomo!
We’ve missed you!
Bagel,
Fact is, I’m Italian. It’s “My HIGHEST respect”, I know. And it’s “Now I’m serious”. Language barrier, what a nightmare. That’s why I revolve on body language… only when coming to women. (wink).
I inject justice.
We’re only teasing, Entomo. We know if there’s one RLSH that can take it, it’s you.
Bagel,
I come back because you’re sweet.
[...] The 12 vids of Christmas …when we’re getting wasted on egg nog and Everclear.) Bagel note … ‘R’ is for your rectum, that ‘I’ fuck with my dick…(full lyrics here) [...]
Ya know I ♥ you Entomo.
Look what I made for you!