Band of the month: Bear Force 1
ЯR December’s Official Band: Bear Force 1 ЯR
BF1: Not your grandfather’s flaming, hairy, middle-aged, Euro-boy Band
BearForce 1 is taking the “boy” out of “Boy Band”. Comprised of 4 gay men with a penchant for pastel polos and Eurodance rhythms, BF-1 have been making waves in the gay community in recent months. Sporting beards and a few extra pounds, BearForce combines smoking hot vocals and synchronized moves with beats that will jump-start any dance floor. They are making their presence known on the net with their first promotional video having “gone viral” (no pun intended) on the Youtubes and boasting over a million hits to date. Furthermore, they lay claim to the title of “World’s First Bear Band”. Note that I didn’t say “Hair Bear Band. That would look something like this:
-or, possibly, this: 
Based in the Land of Hash and Bondage (Amsterdam), BearForce 1 are a group of gay men who (cue the Ethel Merman voice) just gotta siinng! …Just gotta Daannce! They also just gotta cultivate facial hair and wear color-coordinated yacht club shirts. Yes, each member of BearForce has his own signature pastel color. In a larger sense, it’s just a part of their individual bear identities. For instance, there’s Misty Rose-clad Robert, an Irish lad for whom musical talent is a birthright: his grandmother is famed Soprano Catherine Hayes. Then there’s spiritually-minded, Pale Turquoise-wearing Peter once studied to become a member of the clergy. (Wonder why that didn’t work out?) Then there’s Ian, known for his Slate Blue golf shirt and love of science. Lemon Chiffon is the color of Yuri, a martial arts expert who can kill a man with a touch. (If you know what I mean–nudge-nudge; wink-wink!) Finally, there’s the so-called “Spare Bear”, Eddi, whose post apparently designates a drab Forest Green shirt.
We’re here. We’re Queer…and there’s a sale at The Gap!
BearForce has garnered attention from such gay tastemakers as the Logo television network and Perez Hilton. A successful world tour concluded earlier in the year. A single/video was released for the song “Bearforce 1″ which shows the band splashing in fountains, grinding on stepways and singing along. (It should be mentioned that the song includes interpolations of Erasure/Yazoo’s “Don’t Go” and Dead or Alive’s “You Spin me Round (Like a Record)”, just in case you didn’t understand that they were gay. Thanks, fellas!)
Nice fountain. Subtle, guys. Real subtle.
The group is still winning acceptance in the thriving gay community, whose total economic power is projected to reach over $800 billion by decade’s end. This got my inner svengali producer thinking. The worldwide gay entertainment market brings tens of billions into the economy every year. Somehow, I need to get entrée into this gay goldmine. If I were to engineer, Milli Vanilli-style, a LGBT pop act, what would I put together? A Bi-Curious Britpop Band? A group of Death Metal Daddies? For a feminine touch, how about some Hip-Hop Hags? Whatever musical brainstorm I end up creating, I hope I can get them on a bill with BearForce 1–I’m going to need all the credibility I can get!
We wish you a hairy Christmas!
More BearForce1: Official Site - Myspace - YouTube - Amazon
Previous Band of the Month Posts:
The Great Kat - The BossHoss - Dead 50s - Sullivan - Craptain Jack & the Shmees
These guys aren’t just gay…they extraordinarily gay. So much so that they’d attack a woman…three to hold her down and one to do her hair.
Snap!
LK
Laurie Kendrick
12 Dec 07 at 12:53 pm
hmmmm, i like the rapper videos with the objectification of women better than these videos featuring the objectification of hairy old men.
SEOHack
12 Dec 07 at 1:44 pm
LK: And the “spare bear” could make make fun of everyone’s shoes while they’re doing it! Missed you!
SEO: Yeah, those videos definatly need less man boobs.
Also: I just invented the Chili Cheese Dog Pizza, and it isn’t nearly as disgusting as it sounds! Yay for me!
bagel of everything
12 Dec 07 at 2:02 pm
that does sound good . . . . . . mmmmmmmmmm.
seohack
12 Dec 07 at 5:13 pm
In the name Jesus of Christs birtday, lets all fuck each other in the ass !
Whats the guy in the yellow holding ?
micky2
12 Dec 07 at 6:53 pm
SEO: Man boobs or pizza?
Micky: Your future, baby. He’s holdin your future.
bagel of everything
12 Dec 07 at 6:55 pm
My past and present are huge. I could Shish Kabob all 4 of them and still have room for you
micky2
12 Dec 07 at 7:00 pm
There’s nothing hotter than a conceited old man.
bagel of everything
12 Dec 07 at 7:04 pm
i was thinkin’ chili dog pizza . . . which somehow still manages to fit in with the theme of this post.
dag!
seohack
12 Dec 07 at 7:07 pm
Is this todays gay answer to Johnny Mathis?
Menudo and the fudgepackers union ?
micky2
12 Dec 07 at 7:16 pm
I’ve missed you, too Bages. Been away. Been sick and a little emotionally preoccupied lately. Yes….it’s a MAN!!!!!!
That’s gonna fuck up all those lesbian rumors.
Let’s both make it a point to be around more!!
Hey Soy!!
LK
Laurie Kendrick
12 Dec 07 at 7:42 pm
Dude, Chili Cheese Dog pizza!
I make up lots of weird foods. This time, I was pretty sure it would be nasty, but it was tasty and good. Chili cheese dogs are my fave food.
An envelope of that just-add-water pizza crust mix (shuddup micky, i know you’re too chefly to use such conveniences), spread out and topped with can chili (Armour, no beans — stir in a lil ketchup cuz it isn’t very tomatoey), franks cut bitesized, and chopped peppers. Top with gobs of shredded cheddar. Spray it down with a coat of buttery cooking spray so it gets a lil crispy.
All it was missing was crushed up potato chips on top.
bagel of everything
12 Dec 07 at 7:43 pm
Lesbian rumors? Do tell!
bagel of everything
12 Dec 07 at 7:44 pm
Hey ! Fried chicken with Tabasco ketchup.
Mac cheese and cheap hot dogs !
micky2
12 Dec 07 at 8:01 pm
Bagel, you’re not hormonol. You,ve been poisoned.
You probably need a corkscrew to take a shit.
micky2
12 Dec 07 at 8:05 pm
@ Mickey: I actually think Jersey McJones needs the corkscrew. Although, it seems his shit can always find another way out!
@ Laurie: Hello! We’ve missed you. Start feeling better soon.
@ Bagel: Always the creative ones, aren’t we? Nice concept–and tasty…but I still think few things eclipse taco pizza in terms of awesomeness.
@ SEO: Dag? No–DAG!
Soylent Ape
13 Dec 07 at 9:26 am
I heard ‘Lesbian Rumors’. So here I am.
keywork.
13 Dec 07 at 9:28 am
@ Soylent; Jersey needs a fire hose up his ass.
I was implying that Bagel was like a fine wine.
micky2
13 Dec 07 at 10:54 am
@ Keywork: It’s true–I’m a lesbian. Whew! It feels good to not have to hide that anymore.
Soylent Ape
22 Dec 07 at 9:10 am
Did you here about the guy who had a sex change, decided later it was a bad idea.
He ended up being a lesbian transgender woman.
Or some shit like that.
True story.
micky2
22 Dec 07 at 12:57 pm
“Bi-Curious Britpop Band”
That’s just redundant.
Kevin
22 Dec 07 at 5:10 pm
@ Kevin: I knew someone would eventually say that. It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true! Too band that all freakishly-tall, North Carolina indie-rock bands aren’t bi-curious, too.
Soylent Ape
23 Dec 07 at 10:52 am
or…are they?
bagel of everything
23 Dec 07 at 12:57 pm
All respect to Grim Reaper! I only kid those that I care about. (Besides, if they can handle the public flogging that Beavis and Butthead gave them, my “hair bear” jab wouldn’t even register with them.)
Soylent ape
31 Dec 07 at 1:17 pm
[...] Band of the Month Posts: Where’s Moo - Six String Sonics - Chubby Chasers - Bear Force 1 The Great Kat - The BossHoss - Dead 50s - Sullivan - Craptain Jack & the [...]
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