Bad Day
We’ve all had days when it seemed to be raining shit on our heads. Days when everything seemed to go wrong for us in every possible way. Still, it takes a story like this to put things into perspective for us:
Earlier this month, an unidentified man was driving through a residential area of Memphis in the early hours of the morning. Around 3:30 AM, the mystery motorist crashed his car into a utility pole. Staggering from the wreckage, the man mad a beeline to the home of Mr. Leroy Bruce.
The unidentified man began banging on Bruce’s front door. Bruce wisely refused him entry and, at this point, the man thought it would be a good idea to kick in one of Bruce’s windows. When the man began to insert his leg through the broken window into the living room, Bruce produced a gun and shot the man in the leg. Struggling to extricate himself from the busted window, the unidentified offender had to remove his shoes and pants.
The man eventually made his way to a McDonald’s restaurant. In an attempt to get the employees’ attention, he again broke yet another window, this time at the restaurant and using a rock. (Note to unnamed motorist: perhaps you’d be taken more seriously if you just went up to an employee and said “help! I’ve been shot”…but that’s just me.)
When police arrived, the suspect was pretty easy to find. (He was the only one at the scene wearing only his underwear and shirt.) He was taken to Regional Medical Center. Witness Lisa Fuqua noted that the suspect “had to be on some high-powered something”. No Shit!
The unidentified man was arrested by Memphis Police. The department stated that they’ll charge him after his release.
Further reading: City News - Associated Press
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what a dumb ass! ha
he deserves whatever he gets…
Stona Lisa
30 Nov 07 at 1:05 pm
This is my ex-boyfriend. He was high on Redbull and draino. He’s wacky like that.
He was wearing my underwear when he stripped down, so I’m glad you didn’t publish the picture of him. I totally appreciate that.
abarclay12
30 Nov 07 at 3:50 pm
Stona: Yeah, I think he got alot!
Aba: We didn’t publish a photo out of respect for you, not because we were too lazy to find one.
bagel of everything
30 Nov 07 at 3:52 pm
it’s nice to know there’s always bigger loser out there than me!
thanks for the PSA guys!
seohack
30 Nov 07 at 5:22 pm
Don’t mention it, SEO!
Soylent Ape
30 Nov 07 at 10:34 pm
This sounds like a My Name is Earl episode, from before the series jumped the shark.
bagel of everything
4 Dec 07 at 6:12 am
@ Bagel: I can totally see that!
Soylent Ape
4 Dec 07 at 6:34 am
I’ve been through worse. BFD
micky2
9 Dec 07 at 4:34 pm
Do tell, micky.
I can’t imagine living through much worse.
bagel of everything
14 Dec 07 at 7:02 am
My friend Tony and I were waiters at a high scale french rest. After work we went to a bar and got plowed. Just before the stores closed we went and got a gallon of cheap red wine (Carlo Rossi)We were also roommates. We went to our place and drank it. We were hardly able to walk now. But the store was still open so we said ” hey!, lets get another one !” We both barely walked to the store, got another gallon of swill and wobbled home. We both forgot our keys. We lived in a second story apt on top of a strip mall. In order to get in we decided Tony should scale the wall ( he was half my size) using the drain pipe and the illuminated furniture sign as leverage, and then jump in the window. He did just that but never came down to get me.
I took off my 150.00 shoes and hid them and the wine behind a dumpster and started to make my way up the drain pipe along side the building. As I got to the top I put out my foot to use letter “F” on the sign and it broke off . It was dangling by the wires and throwing off sparks. And then went crashing down on to the sidewalk. At the same time the drain pipe broke off the brackets and started leaning and falling to the street , with me on it. My cat like reflexes enabled me to just hop off the pipe and on to the roof. I walked up to our window and saw Tony passed out on the floor, and the window was locked. I banged and banged but he was out.
Now I had to get back down. My plan was just to wait for someone in the building to let me in. But the would only get me as far as the hallway. I still had no door key.
The only way to get down since the sign and the pipe were gone was to jump.
I jumped twenty feet down to the sidewalk. Upon landing I squatted to absorb the impact. I was still wearing my tuxedo from work and I had split my pants from one side to the other. I went to the dumpster to get my shoes and the wine , my shoes were gone ! But the wine was still there. Thank God.
So now its about 2:00 am and I’m walking around town with a half empty gallon of red wine , drunk , wobbling aimlessly, wearing a tuxedo and shoeless with my balls hanging out of my pants.
A cop pulled up next to me and asked me how I was doing. I told him ” how the fuck does it look like I’m doing ?!”
They kept me in jail until sunrise. My ex came and got me and took me to her place. I crashed , she fixed my pants.
I couldn’t find Tony all day to get my keys, so I went to work that night in the same tux from the night before. Tony did not show up at work.
The day before I had given Tony my half of the rent(500.00) I told my boss that I had to leave and find Tony and my rent. He said that Tony was fired for not showing and that if I left I would be fired as well. I went to the apt to see if Tony was there ( that cost me my job) and instead the landlord was there and she told me that Tony had moved out and now she was renting our place to someone else the next day.
With what money I had I checked into a flea bag motel on PCH. Got totally fucking wasted and called my ex to come see me. When she got there I answered the door drunk and belligerent and in my underwear. She saw this and quickly bolted for her car. I ran after her in my underwear and stood in front of the car begging her not to leave. She put it in gear and tried to run me over. I jumped up on the hood to avoid being run over and she proceeded to drive down the Pacific coast highway with me on the hood screaming at her to stop and banging on the windshield. I hit the windshield so hard it broke and pieces fell in her lap. Consequently she slammed on the brakes and I went flying about 20 ft. in front of car. She took off leaving me about half a mile from the hotel. As I was walking back to the motel past the Mercedes dealership being drunk and a walking road rash in my underwear, the same cop pulled up next to me.
I’ll bet that’s the last time you ask me “do tell”
micky2
14 Dec 07 at 12:06 pm
Tortilla Flat is my fave story too! :)
bagel of everything
14 Dec 07 at 12:14 pm
I bumped into Tony in Waikiki walking down the main drag 6 years later. He had a boom box ( I’m that old) and was walking back from the beach.
I took the boom box, no arguements.
micky2
14 Dec 07 at 12:42 pm
Is a boom box kinda like a phonograph?
The Bagel of Everything
8 Feb 08 at 2:52 pm
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