Shirley Temple is Creepy
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Shirley Temple doesn’t hurt Shirley Temple Black, Shirley Temple helps Shirley Temple Black because Shirley Temple is remembered with love and with affection. I am thought of as a friend which I am.
- Shirley Temple on Shirley Temple (I didn’t make that up, honest)
Her admirers - middle-aged men and clergymen - respond to her dubious coquetry, to the sight of her well-shaped and desirable little body, packed with enormous vitality, only because the safety curtain of story and dialogue drops between their intelligence and their desire.
- Graham Greene on Shirley Temple
I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick
- Weird Al Yankovic on Shirley Temple
Shirley Temple is seriously creepy. Born 1928, this mop-headed Lolita just refuses to die. A child star in such pedophile-approved vehicles as Polly Tix in Washington (where she played a 4 year old prostitute), War Babies (a 5 year old barmaid), Wee Willie Winkie (don’t ask), and Littlest Rebel (in which she illustrates how happy those ever-jolly colored folk are as slaves — so long as they are allowed to dance and sing), Shirley grew up to choose the political life over the limelight.
After losing a bid for congress (on a pro-Vietnam war platform), Shirley Temple Black was appointed a delegate to the United Nations by President Richard M. Nixon in 1969, lost a boob to cancer in 1972, became United States Ambassador to Ghana in 1974, and was the first female Chief of Protocol of the United States in 1976.
Even Salvador Dali agrees: Shirley Temple is Creepy
Her movies make my skin crawl.
This is a long one but stick with it for prostitution, ass grabbing,
a happy tapdancing ‘colored’ boy (who eventually does a strip tease for other males),
2 money shots (one of gokkun proportions), simulated fellatio,
the beginnings of a menage a trois, a boob grope, and hints of bestiality.
Who puts animal crackers in their soup? Seriously, that’s disgusting.
I bet she also puts ketchup on her mac n’ cheese.
No, wait…that’s me. It’s delicious, you should try it.
I’s likes watermelon, fried chickens, an’ molasses, if it be pleasin you, massa.
Pedophilia sure was quaint.
Some youtube commenter pretty much sums this one up:
“At this time ppl were not so hysterical about the (natural) beauty and attraction of children. It was normal to enjoy it. “
This is how I see Shirley.
Further Reading: Most Sacred Monsters - Wikipedia - Virginia.edu - Answers.com - Uncyclopedia
More Too Long; Didn’t Read Biographies:
The Great Kat - Jeanne Tripplehorn - Jesse Owens - Thomas Edison - Egon Schiele
holy shit. you got Marty McFly’s dad and Shirley Temple as Nazi. That’s a hat trick! Well done!
SEOHack
20 Nov 07 at 11:52 am
SEO: That poster came courtesy of Deviant. Absolutly the last person who I’d have thought of for Shirley Temple memorabilia.
bagel of everything
20 Nov 07 at 1:05 pm
I have seen most of her movies despite that they are before my time and even before my parent’s time. That didn’t stop my mother from renting her VHS cassettes nearly every Sunday when I was growing up.
Seriously, they are not that bad. Except The Bluebird, which still gives me nightmares to this day.
kristiane
20 Nov 07 at 3:41 pm
“I have to apologise to that bitch Shirley Temple.” -Graham Greene
Soylent Ape
20 Nov 07 at 6:02 pm
Wait, she’s still alive? And in politics? That is creepy.
Cody
20 Nov 07 at 7:33 pm
Why wouldn’t I know about Shirley Temple? She’s 1930’s evil incarnate. You gotta know your enemy.
Kevin
21 Nov 07 at 9:52 am
Kristiane: So you approve of the “Baby Burlesks” ?
Soy: See, he was trying to make nice. She shouldn’t have sued him.
Cody: Very much so. She’ll be 80 soon. Seems like she should be way older, somehow.
Kevin: You mean you gotta know your predecessor?
bagel of everything
21 Nov 07 at 11:22 am
Yep. Juxtaposing Crispin Glover with Shirley Temple actually takes the edge off the creepiness factor.
Frontier Former Editor
22 Nov 07 at 7:42 am
[...] If you haven’t graced your palette with some of the exotic fare at Ration Reality, then you are in for a treat, especially if you also think that Shirley Temple is Creepy. [...]
Carnival of Satire (#88) | The Skwib
22 Nov 07 at 9:38 am
I’m gonna sound like y’all’s momma, so let me preface this comment with the observation that I think this anti-Shirley rant is spot on and pretty funny, and that I’ll be forwarding the link to some friends.
Who’d have thunk that an icon of the 30’s - a toddler who was pushed and shoved into show biz by her avaricious family (she began at the age of 3, so you can’t accuse her of seeking out fame and glory); a little girl who, as an adult, admitted she never had a normal childhood but didn’t whine about it like some of today’s complainers (Danny Bonaduce); and who got the hell out of Dodge as soon as she was old enough and wise enough to do so - would become a symbol of evil and creepiness?
Shirley’s anachronistic movies depicted her time, folks. The fact that we can view them with open eyes and clearly see the evil of bigotry, racism, sexism, and exploitation in them means that all the hard work of the radicals of past years has changed the system. Instead of gasping with joy at seeing a little girl dancing with some guy in black face, we wince with outrage.
Progressive thinking works. Yeah! If extreme conservatives had their way, we’d still be watching Shirley Temple movies, or stuff that’s awfully similar to them and with a similar white supremacist point of view.
Shirley, the actual living, breathing human being, is the embodiment of fortitude. Let’s not wish her dead; at the very least, let’s congratulate her for living a life of service, not one that mourned a faded glory or that squandered valuable resources and good will (think Britney.)
Thanks for listening. Yo momma.
Ms. Place
23 Nov 07 at 8:42 am
Heya kids! I just got back from vacay.
FFE: Nothing takes the creepineess from Glover.
Skwib: Thanks for the link.
Ms. Place: For the record, I didn’t wish her dead…unless you’re reading my thoughts! GTFO my head!
bagel of everything
25 Nov 07 at 8:42 pm
[...] Shirley Temple is Creepy [...]
Health article report » shirley temple
5 Jan 08 at 12:33 am
[...] funny comedy site that regularly makes fun of such things as, AIDS, Jesus Christ, road kill, and Shirley Temple who on that page is naked but wearing a Nazi hat and boots, and masturbating with a [...]
Exposing a Fucking Idiot « News of the world {NOW}
15 Jan 08 at 8:39 pm
[...] funny comedy site that regularly makes fun of such things as, AIDS, Jesus Christ, road kill, and Shirley Templewho on that page is naked but wearing a Nazi hat and boots, and masturbating with a whip.In their [...]
Socialist Squirrel » Exposing a Fucking Idiot
16 Jan 08 at 7:52 pm
[...] posts: TLDR Biographies: Egon Schiele - Shirley Temple is Creepy - RIP-IA: Jeanne Tripplehorn « Dear Internet: I think something’s stuck [...]
Armin Meiwes, Eater of Cocks « Ration Reality
6 May 08 at 3:49 pm
shirley temple is not scary her movies are great and unless you are her and you had to do all the things her family made her do then what right do you have to judge her it is not her fault that she had to play the roles she did she was young and was forced to so if you do not like her movies then do not watch them but do not blame her she was to young to make her own decisions.
UNKNOWN
9 Dec 08 at 3:06 pm
Hey, UNKNOWN: They’re called “Shift Keys” and “Punctuation Marks”. They come on every standard QWERTY and other keyboard and allow you to dileneate between sentences and phrases. They cost nothing extra to use and don’t make you look like a total fucking retard use them dont get angry with us because shirley temple danced semi naked around swastikas and shit (sic)
Soylent-Ape
11 Dec 08 at 10:46 pm
Yeah!
capricorn1966
12 Dec 08 at 9:01 am
Hey, Soy, I want to do the next RR post. Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t and I won’t harass you anymore. Really, glory days.
Ghost of Keywork
16 Dec 08 at 11:26 pm