Ration Reality

Wannabe “rock star” Pete Doherty used to merely annoy me with his posturing. His insistence of following the well-worn rock ‘n’ roll chemical highway traveled by Keith Richards, Johnny Thunders and Iggy Pop before him is neither original nor particularly noteworthy. Getting busted, overdosing and getting tossed out of bands for excessive drug abuse is by no measure new in the world of popular music, circa now.

It’s his perogative to fuck up his body and mind and, at least in Britain, it’s given the model/poet/musician/fuckup an assload of publicity courtesy of the insidious red-ink press. However, Doherty crossed a major line recently, and his offense should not be ignored.

As The Sun likes to tell us, Pete loves him some crack and, in fact, he is to be sentenced this month for charges ranging from improper driving to possession of crack cocaine, ketaminte, heroin and cannabis. There’s long been a tradition of British rockers trying to(and often succeeding in)  one-upping their American counterparts. However, I question the wisdom of trying to go head-to-head with Whitney Houston in a crack-athalon. How about trying to be greasier than Kid Rock or something? Last month, the UK press ran with a story claiming that Doherty (currently rehab-ing in anticipation of his sentencing) forced his pet cats to smoke crack with him. The singer’s friends leaked the story (along with a chilling photo of a cat smoking rock from a pipe) to Britannia’s pirhanna press. Of course, Doherty’s pulling a Marion Barry wasn’t, in and of itself, news. The crack-sick kitty was.

To quote the anonymous source: “One (cat) in particular has borne the brunt of his drug abuse…He even made a special mini-crack pipe out of a bottle so it can get the maximum hit.” Anyone who has watched one roll in catnip knows housecats seem pre-disposed to getting high. Only a real rat-bastard would try to make one smoke rock! The article stated the kitten was starting to show side effects like loss of equilibrium, moodiness and withdrawal. The anonymous friend added, “Pete thinks it’s hilarious to get it wasted.” Sure, it’s hilarious to go out to D Street in Alphabet City and watch crackheads blow their brains out. It’s a real chuckle to hear about crack-addicted housewives in places like Columbus and Louisville performing humiliating sex acts for rock or money for crack. And nothing’s funnier than watching someone you love detoxing from crack. The sweaty shivers, the whole-body aches and hair-pulling are just pure comedy gold!

Doherty is the frontman for sub-par post-punk revivalists The BabyShambles. No, you probably haven’t heard of them, but because the English can be a bit precious about their pop stars, many UK bands are popular there that will never, ever make it anywhere else. There’s a slight chance you’ve heard of his previous band, the drugged-up, liquored-down crew known as The Libertines, who had a minor hit Stateside a few years back. (On a strictly musical note, if you like that genre, do yourself a favor and give those bands a pass. The Wildhearts, Bloc Party and Boy Kill Boy are way more brilliant. Better still, none of the members of those bands have been alleged to get small, domestic animals high on acutely-addictive narcotics. I say that, my friends, is a win!)

The staff of Ration Reality support humane treatment for all animals (even those we intend to eventually eat). We can think of few things less humane than getting them hooked on murderous street drugs. (Even horses don’t deserve that.) So, congratulations, Pete Doherty, you shambling baby! You just knocked Liam Gallagher out of the #1 spot on my list of Self-Obsessed British Rockers who Deserve a Righteous Beatdown. Believe me, that’s no easy feat, you sonovvabitch! Now, get the help you need, you fucking waste…and be glad that there are thousands of miles of ocean separating us!

Bagel note: Tried to make me go to rehab, I said “mew, mew, mew”. Yes, I’m a cat, and yes, I do crack, mew mew mew.
It seems Cody Logan beat us to the punch on this one. I read his blog regularly, don’t know how I missed this post. Go visit him, he’s funny.

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