Vote Keywork in 08
You decide. Or not. It’s really not my business.
A funny thing happened in these comments. Our loyal reader Keywork announced to the world that he is, in fact, a raccoon, and he yiffed my mother. A time machine was apparently involved, as he is my father. That’s when it started getting weird.
Blogger WPMB has nominated my dear daddy for president. Sorry, Zombie Reagan, but I can’t go against the family. I made some art, and our good friend FFE made some better art:
I’m not feeling very creative lately, so follow the links or something.
Also: My tits are really freezing, but the rest of me isn’t cold. Any of you geniuses know what the hell is wrong with me?
Take your tits out of the freezer, Bagel. Daddy appreciates your support and is finding something shiny for you immediately. Go Feral in ‘08!
keywork.
25 Oct 07 at 8:05 am
I was trying to remember how this Key Coon shit got started. Thanks for reminding me. My drug addled doesn’t always adhere to the ways and means of memeory.
Are you serious about your tits being cold and the rest of you isn’t? Interesting.
I’ll e-mail you.
Laurie Kendrick
25 Oct 07 at 8:05 am
Yeah, LK. I’m serious.
All day yesterday, and now today.
My nipples are like diamonds.
My circulation seems fine. I don’t know wtf it is.
bagel of everything
25 Oct 07 at 8:39 am
Sorry about your condition, Bagel. Sometimes.
keywork.
25 Oct 07 at 11:50 am
I wish I were a USian, so’s I could vote for a feral, possibly rabid, raccoon.
If it doesn’t work out, Key, come up here to Canada, or “Cananda” as they call it in parts of the south.
We always do best with nuts at the helm, and the current PM is so distressingly sane he’s all the way through sanity and out the other side. Not to mention boringer than hell. We could use us some raccoonation.
Just one question to determine your fitness for office:
Would your mate party with the Stones?
Metro
25 Oct 07 at 12:45 pm
Which stones? Rolling, brown, fossil? Everyone could use some raccoonation.
keywork.
25 Oct 07 at 12:46 pm
KW: Where do you stand on issues related to cold-boob-research, and officially changing the name of our frozen northern neighbors to Canadia?
Metro: I think it’s cute how your country has a “prime minister” instead of a president. It’s like Disneyland or something. No offense or anything, but I mean, like, it’s practically America, so get yourselves a president already. I do like your money tho. It’s pretty.
I wish we had colorful money too.
Oh, and KW: Also, we need a cure for PMS like right now. Get on that with your people, ok?
bagel of everything
25 Oct 07 at 1:11 pm
I prefer a hands-on research method. Canadia it is. About the menstrual cycle, might take a while. I think it is important for reproduction but I guess we really don’t need babies anymore.
keywork.
25 Oct 07 at 1:18 pm
KW: Just for American women. We can outsource reproduction.
I recommend the former Soviet nations. They’re just as poor as India and Mexico, but with more blue-eyed blonds. They will sell us their offspring at competitive prices.
bagel of everything
25 Oct 07 at 1:29 pm
I thought you guys were into fancy interior-design peach-coloured bills now?
Oh–and if we want a president, we’ll petition our head of state for one :-)
Metro
25 Oct 07 at 1:30 pm
We have peach money now? Seriously?
Honestly I haven’t touched cash money in prolly 6 weeks. Direct deposits, auto-bill-pay. I’m all about the plastic, baby.
Oh, and congrats on the growing economy. I hear book/magazine publishers are being pressed to recognize the near-parity exchange rate.
“$2.99 US/$6.99 Canadian” never really seemed fair. Tho it does cost more to print all those extra u’s.
bagel of everything
25 Oct 07 at 1:37 pm
Bagel: American women only. Good call on the Soviets.
keywork.
25 Oct 07 at 1:42 pm
ha…funny shit…funny thing is i posted today about erect nipples before I even read this! scary - great minds think alike i guess.
Seriously ine can cut holes through rocks right now…actually i just think one of them assassinated JFK. Maybe the nipples of the world are uniting as one!
whatpushesmybuttons
25 Oct 07 at 4:57 pm
Bages,
You nips are like diamomds…how?
Are they hard?
Can be weighed carats?
Can they cut glass?
Or..are they carbon based and at one time had a shelf life in South Africa?
Seriously, do they hurt? Nips and base of boob, too? Is everything cold?
LK
Laurie Kendrick
25 Oct 07 at 6:31 pm
@ WPMB: Your nip went back in time and killed JFK? Heavy. Maybe the “knoll” wasn’t so “grassy” after all…
@ Metro: Any currency that wants to be taken seriously needs a single unit note. Where’s your $1 bill, Canuckistan?
Soylent Ape
25 Oct 07 at 8:58 pm
@Soy: “notes”–how quaint. Coins are so much more convenient, durable, and in Canada, available in handy $1 and $2 varieties.
And unlike monochrome multi-denomination bills, they’ll never result in an unintended $19 tip on a pack of smokes when you’re drunk.
But we’ve always been ahead of the curve that way. The medium of exchange here used to be beaver. Much more civilized, I’m sure you’d agree.
Metro
26 Oct 07 at 4:46 pm
I will vote for Keywork if the second image can be made into a shirt.
kristiane
24 Nov 07 at 9:36 pm
It can. And you will. Excellent. Good Evening, Kristiane.
keywork.
24 Nov 07 at 9:45 pm
[...] posts: Zombie Reagan 2008 - Pete Doherty Cracks Cats Up - Vote Keywork in 08 [...]
Go Cry, Emo Senator « Ration Reality
11 Jan 08 at 8:46 am
Bagel;
Key and I are dealing with the PMS research as we speak. No cure yet. As his head security agent I decided the only thing to do with rabid hormonol bitches in a candidates precense is to apply cryogenic solutions and freeze you all for the duration of the cycle. It starts with the extremities. Try to keep from banging in to things, see you in a week.
micky2
11 Jan 08 at 9:09 am
As the official science major of RR, I must inform you that your plan would soooo not work!
bagel of everything
11 Jan 08 at 9:13 am
Then I guess your frozen titties just give another meaning to the term “fridgid”
When your arm pits begin to feel it , its time sit down and stay still.
micky2
11 Jan 08 at 9:40 am
Bagel: meatgaze. Trial and error, right? Listen to micky, if he wants to cryogenically freeze someone, I’m for it.
keywork.
11 Jan 08 at 9:46 am
Thing is, when I wake, I’ll be at the same point in my cycle as I was when I was frozen.
bagel of everything
11 Jan 08 at 9:51 am
I don’t think he plans on awakening any of the subjects.
keywork.
11 Jan 08 at 10:05 am
My highest respect to Bagel’s nipples. They are the best. Or I’m just fantasizing…
E.
Entomo
11 Jan 08 at 10:29 am
[...] post: Vote Keywork in 08 - You like me, you really like me! - The final domain « Ain’t [...]
Warm fuzzies crawlin’ all over me « Ration Reality
28 Apr 08 at 8:39 am