Jesus Saves … guitar picks?

Posted in amazon, bible, blasphemy, gifts, jesus, religion, sacrilege, shopping, wtf by The Bagel of Everything on October 24th, 2007

Jesus Saves Guitar Picks 4 Pack @ Amazon.com

God: Hey, JC! Whadda you say we go down to Earth, spend some quality time?
JC: Um, no.
God: C’mon, it’ll be fun. We’ll go fishing for men.
JC: Yeah, that sounds great and all, but I gotta update my blog.
God: Jesus, son! You need to get a hobby!
JC: I have my blog, Dad. You just don’t understand my generation!
God: A real hobby! Maybe you could collect something.
JC: Yeah, sure. Whatever. Bring me a Fillet O’ Fish and some Dansani before you go, k?

And that, brothers and sisters, is how Jesus began saving guitar picks. At a current total of 4, it’s not much of a collection. It’s tragic really. With all the dexterity of a carpenter’s son, he’d be a great shredder, if it weren’t for those horrible hand injuries.

12 Responses to 'Jesus Saves … guitar picks?'

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antisocialist said, on October 25th, 2007 at 12:03 am

Joshua-ben-Joseph: carpenter’s son indeed. To add insult to injury, the term “carpenter” in Christ’s time subsumed, among other things, stone masonry. All of which is mentioned only because it expands your intriguing notion of Christ’s hard rock proclivities.
Metro said, on October 25th, 2007 at 12:46 pm

Who needs picks when you can use your nails?
bagel of everything said, on October 25th, 2007 at 1:31 pm

Anti, Metro: That’s so funny you might not even go to hell for it!
Soylent Ape said, on October 25th, 2007 at 10:00 pm

…and they used to say, “Clapton is God”. Pfft!

Believe it or not, pick collecting is a huge business. Steve Vai and Paul Gilbert’s picks from previous tours sell for $40-$75 each!
Metro said, on October 26th, 2007 at 4:48 pm

Maybe we can adopt picks as the new Canuckistanian currency!

Gotta go check my desk drawers–I may already be a millionaire!
Soylent Ape said, on October 27th, 2007 at 1:02 pm

Are you a player, Metro? (Note that I said “player”, not “playa’”. I think we all know the answer to that.)
The Bagel of Everything said, on October 31st, 2007 at 2:42 pm

I rather like the idea of using an artifact as currency. One could literally make money.
Metro said, on November 2nd, 2007 at 12:48 pm

@Soy:

I’m strictly a three-chord player; the trouble is, I’m never entirely sure which three.

We could adopt Ace Frehley picks as the new dollar. Heck, they’re even cheaper to produce than the loonie! And I suspect there are more of them in circulation.
Stiletto said, on November 2nd, 2007 at 1:35 pm

Can I pick my nose with it?
bagel of everything said, on November 4th, 2007 at 11:37 pm

Stiletto, that’s between you and Jesus. They’re his picks, afterall.
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