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The Nipple Extractor

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Nipple Extractor: The wintertime comfort accessory

Winter is coming soon, kids. The dry indoor heat can make one’s skin all itchy. When I was living in the cold, cold north, my skin would get so dry in the winter, my nipples would actually peel. You ladies, I’m sure, can understand the discomfort. Men folks, imagine your head (the one you think with when you go here) flaking, peeling, and itching so badly you can’t sleep. Don’t even think of scratching - it’s much too sensitive.

I tried a humidifier, and lotions, nothing helped. I would have removed them if I could — if I had the proper tool.

Now, with the Nipple Extractor, noone has to suffer like I did. Thank you, Amazon. Thank you for saving countless women from the ravages of a nippclear winter.

 

More Products that Exist:

Written by The Bagel of Everything

October 19, 2007 at 4:53 pm

Posted in amazon, gifts, health, humor, medicine, nipples, nsfw, shopping, winter, wtf

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21 Responses to 'The Nipple Extractor'

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  1. Does it come with band-aids?

    keywork.

    19 Oct 07 at 5:10 pm

  2. Doubles as a uterus scraper.

    Stiletto

    19 Oct 07 at 9:40 pm

  3. If only one day they’d come up with a tool to extract grease nipples . . . . .

    Frontier Former Editor

    19 Oct 07 at 9:57 pm

  4. Nipple extractor? So many new things! What’s next?? Cock rings???

    Oy.

    LK

    Laurie Kendrick

    19 Oct 07 at 10:13 pm

  5. How would you like to have shitting dick nipples? Mishter D, don’t you undershtand the pain and suffering those afflicted go through?

    I disagree with the tone and direction of this blog so I don’t think I’ll ever come back here 4EVAR!!!

    Jim

    20 Oct 07 at 2:20 am

  6. I stumbled onto your blog while doing an index search for nude DS era pics of Danny Cooksey.

    I believe that you are quite mistaken about the purpose of this tool. It is actually used in plumbing applications.

    I do see that this blog is geared toward the humorous so I felt the need to inform you of this as truth is indeed a very important part of humor.

    Cheers.

    dannyfan

    20 Oct 07 at 2:52 am

  7. Jim: You are drunken. However, you have a point. Shitting dick nipples has been ignored by society far too long. We should have an awareness walk, or bracelets, or something.

    Dannyfan: “nude DS era pics of Danny Cooksey”
    I had to look that up.
    Either you’re a pervert, or you’re a really funny pervert.

    Danny Cooksey (born November 2, 1975 in Moore, Oklahoma) is a musician, actor and voice actor. He has been in show business since he was very young and is remembered for playing Sam McKinney on the last years of the TV show Diff’rent Strokes.

    Diff’rent Strokes was a popular, American sitcom that aired on the NBC television network from November 3, 1978 to May 4, 1985, and on ABC from September 27, 1985 to March 7, 1986, when the series was again canceled

    Math is hard, but I think you’re probably going to hell.

    Also, they only want you to think it’s for plumbing purposes. Just like bongs are for tobacco smoking.

    bagel of everything

    20 Oct 07 at 3:16 am

  8. Those afflicted with SDNS (Shitting Dick Nipples Syndrome) not only have to live with the pain and discomfort of having Shitting Dick Nipples, but also with the misconceptions of society in general about their condition. Learn more about what you can do to help from the Shitting Dick Nipples Awareness Foundation.

    Soylent Ape

    20 Oct 07 at 6:30 am

  9. ummm…OUCH!

    totaltransformation

    20 Oct 07 at 7:08 am

  10. I stumbled on your blog looking for comments written by nude drunken puritanical DS era rectal orifices complaining about shitting dick nipples.

    Do you the pain and suffering involved in this search, Mishter D?

    I completely agree with the tone and direction of this blog and I think I’ll keep coming back here 4EVER.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve an ocelot to fuck.

    Laurie Kendrick

    20 Oct 07 at 8:53 am

  11. LK: Ocelots rarely live to the age of consent, so’s I hope you know’s that you’re a dirty pedo furry rapist.

    Jim

    20 Oct 07 at 4:48 pm

  12. They need to develop a tool to fish out cock rings. You know, in case you swallow one.

    Stiletto

    20 Oct 07 at 5:10 pm

  13. No Jim, I didn’t a clue as to the lifespan of ocelots.

    Boy, you schooled me!!

    And thanks for that incredibly witty come back!!!

    LK

    Laurie Kendrick

    20 Oct 07 at 5:19 pm

  14. This place seemed to have a family type atmosphere but now, thanks to this “jim” drunk, I don’t think I’ll be seeing any children around here.

    Jim: You are not cleaver, not funny, and definitely not intelligent. I read a few of your blogs and find them to be full of pretense, poorly constructed ideas, spurious arguments, and just plain made up words.

    Just so you know, making up one’s own words is a sure sign of a narcissist. Although, I did enjoy your photos…

    LK: You enjoy your time with the cat, and don’t worry, you won’t have to suffer fools like this for much longer…http://stupidfilter.org/wiki

    dannyfan

    20 Oct 07 at 6:41 pm

  15. dannyfag: Were do I begin with you? I guess a swift blow to the back of the neck with the shovel I bury your pedo ass with would be a good opener.

    LK:Well, there you go. Your pedo friend agrees with you.

    Thanks, danfan. I’ll be taking those pictures down now. Unless you and LK would like me to photo shop little cat ears on them for you.

    Jim

    20 Oct 07 at 7:17 pm

  16. One of the amazon reviews for the product:

    I grew up without nipples. I knew that one day, they would descend, and that would be the day when I could proudly call myself a woman. But I was growing worried. By the time I was 17, I still had no nipples. At 21, I was beginning to panic. When I turned 27, I finally found these nipple extractors, and they saved my self-esteem.

    With two simple twists of the wrist, I flowered. Now I could proudly disrobe at the local topless beach, where before I’d been shamed.

    I’ve just been debating whether or not I should attempt to locate superfluous nipples elsewhere on my body.

    bagel of everything

    20 Oct 07 at 8:44 pm

  17. I note that there are only two left. Some of the commenters here must have bought a couple …

    Jim?

    Danfan?

    C’mon, ‘fess up.

    Metro

    25 Oct 07 at 1:10 pm

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    E.

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