Foreigners are Weird - Bizarre Commercials Vol. 1
Weird Foreign Commercials
There’s a wide, wild world out there, and we are but a part of it. The cultural applications and nuances of some societies are often different and difficult for outsiders to grasp. This is a given.
When we visit a foreign land, we expect to see foreign things–things we won’t try to understand. Then there are the things we wish to Heaven that we did understand, because the strange imagery we’ve seen will cause us to question our very existence unless we can get an explanation. With that in mind, here are some seriously fucked-up commercials from all over the world. Watch at your own risk.
Russian Cleaning Powder
In this commercial, a digitally-animated, anthropomorphic sink trudges through the deep, Russian snow into a small wooded area. He takes a suspicious look around, then produces a white, powdery substance and “snorts” it into his spigot and has a momentary euphoric experience. However, a few short seconds later, he gets dizzy and passes out like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction (minus the nosebleed). Now, I can understand the heroin reference. The ad is practically a metaphor for modern Russia’s substance problem. What I don’t understand is how does this make me want to buy that product? Subconsciously, it’s telling me it’ll kill my sink. Jeez, no wonder the post-Soviet economy never took off. Russkies completely fail at marketing!
Japanese Kiddie Beer
Beer is serious business to the Japanese. In 2004, Japan had an average per capita consumption of 51 litres. They also smoke like motherfuckers, but that’s a different story. So how to indoctrinate kids into the beer culture from a young age? Why, with sweet-tasting, non alcoholic beverages, of course. This particular product is known as Komodo No Nomimono, which is packaged in labeled glass bottles that mimic the real thing. If this advert is to be believed, drinking is an activity to be enjoyed by the whole family! I know it was at Bagel’s house!
German “Awareness” Ad
Here’s a strange one. A “Wallace and Grommit”-esque animated clay chicken singing “Choose Me” over and over and smiling awkwardly. Turns out this is an ad for the city of Bremen, self-proclaimed “Cultural Capital of Europe”. (That’ll get under Vienna and Paris’s skin!) The tagline at the end approximates “Bremen Applies Itself” in English. If you ask me, Bremen seems a bit too needy. This chicken gives me an idea of how girls must have seen me in junior high–and it’s not pretty. The key, Bremen, is to act like you don’t care about what the rest of Germany thinks of you, then they’ll wonder why you aren’t interested and want to get to know you better. Also, the logo at the end says “Bremen: Cultural Capital of Europe”.
Japanese Milk (I…think?)
I can’t read Japanese, so I can only speculate that this spot is for milk. What a special milk it is, too. The female protagonist in this ad grabs a jug from the tiny Japanese refrigerator and proceeds to drink straight from the container (my kind of girl). Immediately, her bust increases by a good 4 cup sizes. What’s more, she has 2 other containers full of this potent stuff in her ‘fridge. What is she gonna do with ta-tas that huge? Nevermind, I just answered my own question.
Whatever this is
When I first saw this commercial, I thought, “When did Benetton start selling processed foods?” But, no, this is actually a TV spot for an Estonian meat product called Kana-hakkliha, which roughly translates into “minced chicken”. I don’t honestly know where to start with this one. The bleached-out stock, clothing, hairstyles and eerie new-wave soundtrack might indicate an early 80s vintage, but this actually ran as late as the mid ’90s. (Hey, it’s Estonia. To give you an indication of how far behind they are, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch are just now charting on Estonian Top 40.) Then there’s the imagery. Some might hail its daring marketing approach of actually showing sausage being made, but there’s a reason you’ll never see a Jimmy Dean or Armour commercial showing pigs going into a commercial grinder and meat coming out a la Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Being reminded of what your favorite food looked like before and during its processing is not going to make customers like it more. It’s not edgy, it’s stupid!
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Ape,
You’re such a funny writer. Gifted…and not in that Rock Hudson sense, either.
I laughed at loud at your text.
More please!!
LK
LK fucked a german chicken once.
a german chicken. well, why not? sounds internationaly sexy,
That wasn’t a chicken - it was Udo Kier
LK: Soy is even funnier and more brilliant in person. He’s my hero.
Bagel, you’re both brilliant in my crust-filled, tear duct clogged, cataract ridden eyeballs.
LK
@ Bagel and Laurie: Thank you for the kind words. It’s very flattering coming from two whom I respect so much. I’ll always be your hero, Bage’.
@ FFE: Sure had the creepy Kier eyes, didn’t it?
OMG i love snorting detergent!
hysterical! I needed the laugh…especially after having all of the comedy sapped out of me by work. Video = brainless funny. I like. Good work as usual “team Reality!”
BTW…you should nominate your site for a weblog award…i’d nominate you but i’m locked out of the system…deadline is today (17th) but my wordpress account must be set on Bangladesh time because I’m halfway through my day on the 18th already.
@ Kevin: Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
@ WPMB: Thanx. Glad you enjoyed it. I think we’ve been nominated at least once already. If I’d know I could nominate myself I would have put one up for RR, unfortunately, it’s the 18th now. Thanks for the heads-up, though!
I nominated RR.com and was damn glad to do it!!
You may worship me later.
Thanks for the thought, Cody.
LK: *worship*
Thanks! I didn’t know about it until it was too late to promote for it tho. Did we win?
I would fuck a German chicken if it brought me closer to fucking Dennis Wolf. Hell, I’d settle for stuffing my face in his sweaty crotch.
You can still go the site (I nominated you twice and back the nomination or something b voting. Please go and vote for your favorites. Even I was nominated (and I didn’t do it myself, either–well, except for the last one) I’ll e-mail you the page or return here with it later.
Go as soon as you get the link otherwise some women who calls herself boobs injuries and Dr. pepper will win. She’s not only shameless with self promotion, she’s also under the impression that she’s funny.
LK
Here you go!!
http://2007.weblogawards.org/
You guys are towards the end..
LK
Thanks, Laurie! If anyone thinks us worthy, a vote would be appreciated!
yeah it’s a bunch of bs anyway…that DR. pepper bitch will prob win…apparently she has people convinced she’s a funny fuck.
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Thanks for the love, Buttons!
Ok, I really enjoy the milk guzzling tit popping commercial. Makes one wonder what’s really in those jugs. Of milk that is.
That Japanese milk one was really strange. I wonder what they were advertising…
Foreign commercials may be odd, but they can’t beat low budget American commercials for local companies. I saw a pretty bad one recently involving an inflatable King Kong an some poorly done image overlays. It may have been for a car dealership. I couldn’t tell what they were advertising through the suckiness.
@ Cody: Yeah, we have some winners in our local market. The worst ones I’ve seen were from my days in Louisville, KY. They had the capgun cowboy used car dealer, the “I’m-so-crazy-I-have-to-wear this-straitjacket” electronics dealer and the “we care for you” personal injury attorneys. It’s like they were unaware that nobody’d done those things before.
These are so effing funny! I laughed hard at the snorting sink. That was weird! You got anymore of these?
@ SammieJane: Welcome! Glad you liked these commercials. Who knows, in the context of their own homelands, perhaps they make perfect sense.
The “snorting sink” was perhaps my favorite. Did you notice how the last shot was of the box eerily lying upside-down and half-buried by snow? Bleak, man–but that’s Russia!
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