What do I need to do to get you to buy this Vacuum
A Twin Falls, Idaho man got more than a vacuum cleaner when a door-to-door Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman came calling six months ago. Likewise, when Jamie Howard arrived at Mr. Sucher’s abode to heavy-hand a new upright upon the resident, he didn’t realize what he was getting himself into.
In the course of the (likely) high-pressure sales pitch Sucher said he couldn’t afford a new vac. (At this point, I imagine that Howard probably said something like, “When you can have a high-performance, high-quality upright like this at just $60 a month, how can you afford not to have one?”)
Sucher informed Howard that he couldn’t afford the vacuum because he was waiting for a kidney transplant. Apparently, Sucher didn’t need any more high-pressure in his life because his own high blood pressure had caused his kidneys to fail in 2004.
Finding out about their mutual blood type, Howard felt a moment of destiny coming on. ”I went outside, prayed about it, called my dad and my wife,” Howard recalled. “It (donating) was something I was called to do.”
The operation was successful with both men now living normal, healthy lives. No word on whether Sucher bought the vac.
I guess this proves a couple of things. For one, despite the abundance of retailers (virtual and brick-and-mortar), people still sell things door-to-door. Also, not all vacuum salesmen are minions of the Devil, just the overwhelming majority. God bless you, Jamie Howard. For your selfless, life-saving act, may you get that all-expenses-paid vacation to Panama City this quarter–or, at least, the IPod Mini!
Sources: Casper (WY) Star-Tribune - National Public Radio - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
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[...] ATwin Falls, Idaho man got more than a vacuum cleaner when a door-to-door Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman came calling six months ago[...]
GadgetGadget.info - Gadgets on the web » What do I need to do to get you to buy this Vacuum
13 Oct 07 at 12:32 pm
This story, Soylent Ape, which is unbelievable, strongly recalls a time when the antisocialist was seling encyclopedias door-to-door and a young housewife, whose husband was away at work, answered
his call. She badly wanted
“a set,” as she said, meaning, of course, a set of the antisocialist’s big hard-
bound encyclopedias, but couldn’t afford it because, in her words, she was “saving up for breast reduction surgery.”
What ensued was a rather protracted
and messy affair, the particulars of which are really too sticky to delve into here, but, to come right to the point, she did end up getting her “set” at very little cost (to her). What’s more, though — and you will no doubt find this difficult to believe — the antisocialist volunteered to reduce her breasts for her.
After some coaxing, she agreed.
In the end, much like the story you kindly relate above, it was an exceptionally gratifying arrangment for all parties involved.
antisocialist
14 Oct 07 at 12:43 am
P.S. “No word on whether Sucher bought the vac” — is a miniature stroke of genius.
antisocialist
14 Oct 07 at 12:46 am
@ Antisocialist: “Dear Hustler: I never thought it would happen to me…” Wow! I mean, wow, man! Just…wow!
Soylent Ape
14 Oct 07 at 12:50 am
Antisocialist: I always knew encyclopedia salesmen were gettin some.
Splains the smug look.
bagel of everything
14 Oct 07 at 9:10 pm
be glad you were going door to door with encyclopedia’s and not delivering auto parts antisocialist. Imagine the fucked up situation that might’ve found you in!
seohack
14 Oct 07 at 10:56 pm
Cup of coffee for that salesman. “Coffee is for closers!”
I went through the Kirby sales download and decided not to bother. Door to door isn’t safe anymore. I quit after training, it was just too rediculous. That bitch better have bought a fucking vacuum cleaner. This is the most brilliant piece of salesmanship I think I have ever heard of. I need an extra kidney.
keywork
15 Oct 07 at 8:31 am
I always thought it went: “Cocaine is for Closers”.
Soylent Ape
15 Oct 07 at 9:05 am
Cocaine: It’s in the Coffee.
keywork
15 Oct 07 at 9:11 am
Well, good people, the antisocialist did a little digging, and would you believe that this remarkable surgery took place only 50 short miles from where the antisocialist lives (if, that is, you can call his pathetic existence “living”)?
One of the Denver radio stations interviewed these two boys, and guess what? Your question, Soylent Ape, was not only asked but answered.
Please listen:
http://a1135.g.akamai.net/f/1135/18227/1h/cchannel.download.akamai.com/18227/podcast/DENVER-CO/KHOW-AM/101007JAMIEHOWARDANDPAULSUCHER.mp3?CPROG=PCAST&MARKET=DENVER-CO&NG_FORMAT=talk&SITE_ID=636&STATION_ID=KHOW-AM&PCAST_AUTHOR=Dan_Caplis_and_Craig_Silverman&PCAST_CAT=Spoken_Word&PCAST_TITLE=Caplis_and_Silverman_Interviews
The actual interview, which is audio only, is not nearly as long as this link, so please don’t feel intimidated. Just sit back and listen, all of you, if you have, say, 15 minutes to spare.
Anent your comment, seohack, the antisocialist hears you loud and clear — and your hypothetical scenario certainly gives new meaning to the term “lug nut.”
Bagel — sweet, sweet bagel — to me you’ll always be everything. It’s so good to hear your voice; you’ve successfully demonstrated, once again, what we’ve known all along: namely, your insight into the ribald, the salacious, the prurient, and the libidinous (please forgive that Harvard comma) is encyclopediac — and it’s just one of the many things we love about you.
Keywork: you call yourself a salesman, you son-of-a-bitch?
antisocialist
15 Oct 07 at 3:54 pm
“That’s why you drive a fucking Hyundai.”
Yeah, that was the only sales job I didn’t go for. I sold Volkswagons once upon a time.
keywork.
15 Oct 07 at 4:51 pm
Keywork, in answer to your next question — what’s my name? — Fuck you! That’s my name.
Did you know that that excellent scene is not in the original play by David Mamet? The character Alec Baldwin plays doesn’t even exist in the original play. What do you think of that? He and that entire scene were written in by the director of the movie, James Foley, about whom the antisocialist knows very little, except that he directed At Close Range, starring Christopher Walken and the young Sean Penn, and that he also directed an extraordinary movie — this was in the early nineties — called After Dark, My Sweet, starring Jason Patrick and Rachel Ward, which was an absolutely fantastic movie that you really must see — all of you — if, that is, you have any desire to call yourself a cinematique.
After Dark, My Sweet is based upon a forties crime novel by the crime-novelist Jim Thompson (”Big Jim Thompson,” as he’s sometimes called, despite the fact that he was very slight), who also wrote, among many other things, The Grifters and The Getaway. The director James Foley was also, if I’m not mistaken — and I may very well be — extremely interested in directing the movie Barfly, the screenplay to which, as you know, was written by the late Charles Bukowski, and the main character of which, Henry Chinowski, was Bukowski’s alter-ego. Director James Foley, who loved Charles Bukowski’s script, wanted his good friend Sean Penn to play the role of Henry Chinowski, Charles Bukowski’s alter-ego, but the man who conceived the entire movie and even commissioned the script from the late Charles Bukowski, which script is about a man named Chinowski, is an excellent filmaker named Barbet Schroeder, a Frenchmen who would later win an Academy Award for his fine, fine movie Reversal of Fortune, starring Jeremy Irons and Glen Close, based upon the real-life case of Clause von Bulow. Director James Foley, about whom the antisocialist knows very, very little, apart, perhaps, from the fact that he directed another obscure movie called Two Bits starring Al Pacino, whom director James Foley would later work with in his fine, fine movie which I know you love, as who among us does not, Glengary, Glenross, — well he, James Foley, insisted upon directing Barfly. But Barbet Schroedoer, who put the whole damn thing together, and who once did an even more obscure movie called The Valley Obscured by Clouds, which Pink Floyd wrote the beautiful soundtrack to called, appropriately enough, “Obscured by Clouds,” Barbet Schroeder, from the beginning, said, and who can blame him: “No fucking way. This is my baby. I put it together. I’m directing it.” “But Barbet, baby, be reasonable. You can have full editorial say, you can co-direct, you can even –” “I said no fucking way! This is my baby, and I’m directing it, and that’s final.” But you see, the hitch was, Barbet Schroeder and Charles Bukowski, and, really, everyone else, badly wanted Sean Penn to play the lead character, Henry Chinowski, whom, if you didn’t know, is Charles Bukowski’s alter-ego, but Sean Penn, who loved James Foley, Charles Bukowski, and, for that matter, Henry Chinowski, (please, bagel, forgive my Oxford commas), he wouldn’t agree to play Chinowski unless his good friend James Foley were allowed to direct it; so that when Barbet Schroeder said “No way. This is my baby, and I’m directing it, and that’s fucking final!” James Foley and Sean Penn both said “Well, we love the script, and we even love you Barbet, and we love you Charles Bukowski, but fuck you all very, very much, goodnight.”
Thus Barbet Schroeder ended up casting Micky Roark to play Charles Bukowski’s alter-ego Henry Chinowski in the Francis Ford Coppola production of Barfly, and — do you know what? — when it was all said and done, everyone, including the intitially skeptical Charles Bukowski, agreed that Micky Roark was ultimately the best choice, the right choice, despite the fact that he was, and is still, a teetotaller who once sold chestnuts on street conrners in New York City, before his stint as a door-to-door vacuum salesman.
And the antisocialist, who loves Barfly, agrees.
antisocialist
15 Oct 07 at 6:23 pm
Chill out on KW, antisocialist. He’s good people (for a raccoon).
Unless I’m missing something?
bagel of everything
15 Oct 07 at 6:25 pm
Bagel, Keywork and I are just quoting lines back and forth from a scene in the movie Glengary, Glenross. None of that insulting language is personal at all, or even serious, as I’m sure Keywork well knows. The antisocialist wouldn’t in a million years attack someone in such a manner, even if he knew them, which in this case he doesn’t.
I am seriously sorry if that offended you. Please feel free to delete it.
antisocialist
15 Oct 07 at 6:49 pm
Thanks for clearing that up, antisocialist!
I was hoping I was simply missing something, as I have great respect for the both of you.
Please, continue! I should prolly go watch the movie, so I can join in!
bagel of everything
15 Oct 07 at 6:53 pm
“You stupid fucking cunt!…I’m talking to you, shithead. You just cost me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That’s right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole? You’re fucking shit. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid fucking cunt…I’m gonna have your job, shithead.”
Wow! This is fun!
@ Antisocialist: Yes. The play is a different experience, altogether. I’ve heard that he wanted to make a more cynical, updated take on Death of a Salesman.
Soylent Ape
16 Oct 07 at 12:23 am
Anti: nice tie-in. Holy hotwatermusic, I enjoyed that. I heart Chinaski. Not in a homoerotic manner, but mostly because I always felt like I could ’see’ his world. His grip on reality was a strong one.
keywork.
16 Oct 07 at 8:18 am
Keywork, anent your last sentence: isn’t that the absolute truth? There’s something incredibly sane in Chinowski, even though he’s a complete lunatic; ultimately that’s what makes the movie, I think.
Soylent Ape, thank you for your hilarious quote — very well-done. Do you have that memorized, or do you own the movie? Not that it matters. Thank you also for your interesting Death of a Salesman information, which I, for one, was totally unaware of. That casts the play in a different light, don’t you think?
antisocialist
16 Oct 07 at 5:48 pm
@ Antisocialist: I don’t currently own the movie, but I have to say it’s definitely compelling. I have worked in commissioned sales and I can identify with the archetypal characters in the film. The quote is available on IMDB’s entry for the film.
I admit that, yes, learning that gives the movie and, especially, the play a new context, but the intensity is still there. The sense of impending ruin still begins to emerge. I have never heard that directly from the playwright, so I also take it with a grain of salt.
Soylent Ape
16 Oct 07 at 7:21 pm
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NineReports
17 Oct 07 at 1:49 pm