Prodigy: A suicide note
Is it wrong to write fictional suicide notes for fun?
How did I get where I am? More to the point, how did I not get where I’m not? I had hope; I had promise. I was brilliant! God gifted brilliant! Before I could walk, I knew my reds from my yellows, my circles from my squares. Over, under, through…I had the fundamentals of reality down and my stone was a’ rollin’.
And then I hit the wall. There is a wall, you know. A wall our version of creation was never meant to climb. It’s there to protect us from things we needn’t know. Cold dark things, that, if we were to face them, we’d never sleep again. And warm fuzzy things. Things so sweet and dear that we would cuddle them, and tend to them, sacrificing ourselves to their needs, until we forgot to eat, even breathe. Beyond the wall is a madness we cannot imagine, for if we tried, our souls would stop our very blood from flowing, in an effort to save themselves.
Show me your suicide note! I tag: Arm Jerker - Deviant - Laurie - Leaky Brain - Stiletto
OK, I’ll be happy to.
But I can’t kill myself this morning. I’ve got an assignment. I’ll prep my death note to the world and e-mail it to you latger this afternoon, Bages.
And thanks for thinking of me and my death.
Somehow, I feel oddly popular.
LK
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 8:33 am
Actually, we’ve been plotting against you. Her inner raccoon is strong and ready to start wandering.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 8:36 am
is it wrong? Uh no. is it funny? sometimes. is it sick as hell? Sure. do i love it? yeppers.
spanky
2 Oct 07 at 8:42 am
its always a good idea to have a cuple letters saved up on your ‘H” drive just incase you are super busy and dont have time to pen one on a spur of the moment “ill show you all” suicide mission..ya know?
spanky
2 Oct 07 at 8:43 am
Key,
Shut up. Don’t threaten me.
Remember, I know people.
With one phone call to the right man, I can make you hibernate with the fishes.
Oh yes….
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 8:49 am
LK: Thanks. Don’t forget to sign the beneficiary papers first, make it all nice and legal…
KW: Raccoons have big mouths!
Spanky: Welcome! Nice blog you got there! Yeah, this post may be a little too dry for anyone but myself to find much humor in it.
We’re kinda all over the place at ЯR, mostly revolving around my editorial menses.
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 8:56 am
Spanky, come back often.
These people at RR are brilliantly disturbed. And Bagel leads the pack with multiple untreatable psychopathies.
Welcome to the psych ward!!
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 8:59 am
Thank you for the warm welcome! I will come back often. And thank you for visiting my tiny little blog of rejects. We enjoy ourselves. I love to visit new places and when i saw this post i immediatly laughed, then quickly wondered if i was supposed to laugh. Whoo hoo more folks to stand at the “the wall” with me. dont bang yer head on the wall though…itl give ya a headache.
spanky
2 Oct 07 at 9:18 am
Yeah, silence is shiny.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 9:24 am
Key..your silence would be WELCOMED!!!
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 9:48 am
Challenge accepted oh Bagely one.
Kevin
2 Oct 07 at 9:49 am
I couldn’t help myself but to pop in over here.
Wicked funny!!!! I have a collection of letters saved on my hard-on drive that give detailed instructions of what to do with my stuff in the event of my disappearance. Gay.
Sissy
2 Oct 07 at 9:51 am
LK: Awe shucks, you’re only saying that because it’s true.
Spanky: Things are way funnier when one isn’t sure if they’re meant to be…or something
KW: Shiny?! Where’s the shiny?! I want the shiny!!#$!
Kevin: Death from years of unprotected sex with questionable partners doesn’t count.
Internets: I’m sorry, I know you didn’t really need another meme.
Everyone: What’s up with Stiletto’s blog? Last post she spoke harshly about the owner of Popeye’s chicken, now her blog is gone?! Is Al Copeland Al Capone’s new identity or what? Scary…
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 9:55 am
Hola Sissy! Yay! New friends for me to have!
What plans do you have for your porn?
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 9:58 am
LK, you’re abstinance would have been welcome as well.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 10:03 am
Sissy has porn? People still eat popeys chicken? You can die from unprotected sex?
whaaa? this is alot of information.
spanky
2 Oct 07 at 10:14 am
your, kw, not you’re.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 10:41 am
Spanky: You are now educated.
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 1:06 pm
Only thing better than fictional suicide notes: Fictional death threat to powerful world leaders. I mail them in envelopes with smiley faces on them, so they know I’m only joking.
A.J. Valliant
2 Oct 07 at 2:51 pm
Hey Key,
I’d tell you to eat shit, but considering that’s already 90 percent of your nasty as ringtail diet, that’s hardly an insult.
I do miss you though. You were great in the sack, and by sack I mean an old paper grocery bag. We slept in what we could find in them attics.
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 3:02 pm
Thanks for that AJ.
I’m not one to actually laugh-out-loud often, but you always make me laugh so loud and suddenly I startle my dog.
On a related note, I think my dog hates you.
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 3:03 pm
LK, we’ll always have the attic.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 3:06 pm
Now mommy, daddy. We have company!
Get out the good paper plates and let’s be civilized!
KW: See if you can dig up something smelly enough to pass for fine cheeze, k?
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 3:10 pm
Don’t question your father’s skills in cheese-foraging. You might lose a nose.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 3:16 pm
Key..you’ve been replaced. Not by an o’possum or an armadillo but by a man…a hunk and almost two decades younger. Yes, my bestial heart is now craving bi-ped meat. AJ Valiant is now the source of my wet dreams.
Go back to your tree trunk.
If not, then you’ll have to work harder for me. Make the effort. Bring me Bill Gates’ trash…that is IF you care.
lauriekendrick
2 Oct 07 at 3:32 pm
I found one of his broken coffee mugs once. You might lose a nose.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 3:37 pm
Laurie: AJ IS MINE!
those sweet frostbitten, well scrubbed canadian cheeks…
get off him! you’ll get him dirty!
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 3:43 pm
Remember, she may or may not have the leprosy.
keywork.
2 Oct 07 at 3:48 pm
“On a related note, I think my dog hates you.”
He’ll get his, mark my words.
A.J. Valliant
2 Oct 07 at 3:51 pm
Oh hell…
AJ: Ignore all that stuff about your sexaliciousness.
*blush*
I mean, unless you’re up for a road trip…
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 3:54 pm
Once again–another post comes back to sex! ..and from suicide, no less! You should broaden youselves a bit. How about looking into drugs or, at very least, rock’n'roll!
Soylent Ape
2 Oct 07 at 6:05 pm
I don’t think anyone should ever kill themselves for any reason.
Anything can happen…
Jim
2 Oct 07 at 6:29 pm
I hope you don’t mind jim but….I’m stealing that link for mah blog!
Kevin
2 Oct 07 at 9:59 pm
Ah. This will be easy. Let me just check my jewelry box. That’s where I keep it. Emailing you soon…
Arm Jerker J.
2 Oct 07 at 11:12 pm
SA: I thought it was crack our posts always come down to? Sweet, sweet crack.
Jim, Kevin: I tried the link in FF & IE but I’m only hearing the song. Is there supposed to be video as well? I want to seeee!!!
AJJ: Coolie! Lemme know when you’ve posted it and I’ll link it up.
Kevin/Deviant has done his already and it is awesomely weird.
bagel of everything
2 Oct 07 at 11:45 pm
[...] post info By Arm Jerker J. Categories: agony, blogging and life Tags: hell, hope, inspirational quotes, meme, suicide I got tagged for an interesting meme. [...]
Suicide Note: Humor escaped me « a writer dodging bullets.
3 Oct 07 at 1:57 pm
Damn you woman! I read this post and was envious I didn’t think of it first! However, you’ve given me a chance to redeem myself…btw still trying to figure out how I missed the tags at the bottom.
Did you update this recently?
Stiletto
3 Oct 07 at 11:38 pm
“Leaky Brain Stiletto”
That’s just not right.
Stiletto
3 Oct 07 at 11:38 pm
Stiletto: Alphabetical order can be full of fun!
Your name has been there since I originally posted it. It was while your site was down tho, so probably the ping didn’t get you.
WB BTW, I was worried! I’d love an email with the details of your censorship experience.
bagel of everything
3 Oct 07 at 11:42 pm
“AJ Valiant is now the source of my wet dreams.”
Excuse me but first you must learn to spell Valliant correctly before you can claim him for your own! Anyway, I actually had one of those upon my return from Vegas and IT WAS REAL. I actually wondered…if we met each other on the astral plane!
“I remember
We learned about love
In the back of a Chevrolet
Well it felt so good to be young
It feels like yesterday
When you close your eyes, do you dream about me”
I can still smell the sweet stink of his subversiveness all around my neck.
Stiletto
3 Oct 07 at 11:48 pm
I wish I could bottle it…and poison the world!
Stiletto
3 Oct 07 at 11:48 pm
Oh, I would love to make up some grand tale of his people talking to my people but really, it was purely nothing more than self censorship, the worst kind, I suppose!
For some odd reason I did not feel like rocking the boat, because what if I were to run into him again? I figured I’d privately blackmail him into giving all of us free chicken for life!
Stiletto
3 Oct 07 at 11:54 pm
Try here.
Jim
4 Oct 07 at 3:57 pm
Wow, Jim. Wow.
What’s wrong with him?
bagel of everything
4 Oct 07 at 4:41 pm
@ Jim: Wow! It’s like YouTube, except with hairy, ugly people having sex!
@ Stiletto: Thanks for getting that Night Ranger song stuck in my head. I’ve been singing and playing bass to it all night! (Still a great song. Probably my favorite NR tune!)
Soylent Ape
4 Oct 07 at 11:11 pm
You’re quite welcome, Soylent!
Hey Bagel - can I pen my last farewell when I’m actually feeling like offing myself (usually around a certain time of the month), or is that considered cheating?
Stiletto
5 Oct 07 at 10:51 am
Of course, Stil. Do it whenever, but don’t let it get to you!
Lemme know when you do it, I’m going to do a followup.
bagel of everything
5 Oct 07 at 10:57 am