We Are the Youth Gone Litigious
You can’t swing a chain without hitting a lawyer in the United States of America today. Yet, the nation’s Law Schools keep cranking them out. Consequently, in order to create a healthy career for themselves, lawyers are being forced to get creative.
Many students are focusing on highly-specialized areas of the law, while others are using marketing techniques to target and position themselves prominently in the minds of their market. No doubt you’ve seen the local TV spots where black lawyers advertise during “Showtime at the Apollo” or the immigration attorneys whose ads are En Espagnol. Pretty clever, yes? Well, I believe the surface has barely been scratched in this matter. Just think of the other demographics to which they can pander reach out.
Well, one enterprising legal mind has made the effort to find new business in a yet-untapped market: the trailer-dwelling, hair-stacking, spandex-wearing glamour boyz and -girlz of “hair metal”
Call 1-800-666-Hair-Metal-Lawyer
That’s right, Turner Van Heimersteinersworthington gave up guitar-slinging for slinging subpoenas. He can get a settlement faster than you can say, “Faster Pussycat” and he’s not afraid to get “Down ‘n’ Dirty” in the courtroom to getcha’ guilty ass off!
If some dude keyed the righteous paint job on yer bitchin’ z-28 and you need to be made Whole Sweet Whole, who ya gonna call?
One mo’ time! If it turns out that chick at The Whiskey was only Seventeen, but she gave you love like you never seen, who ya gonna call?
I can’t hee-ar you! If your disposable lighter burst open during the chorus of “Every Rose has its Thorn” and melted the hair extensions to the side of your face–now I gotta hear you say it loud enough so the folks out in the parking garage can hear ya!
Tha’s Right! If you’ve been Livin’ on a Prayer, then Heaven isn’t too Far Away! Call Hair Metal Lawyer, mu-tha-fuckah! (Or drop by his Sunset Strip offices, conveniently located at table 19 in The Rainbow Bar and Grill, for a consultation.)
Related posts:
Soylent:
Brilliant. Extra props for working in SO many song titles. Was We’re Not Gonna Take It too obvious a choice? ;-)
@ Stepher: Damn! That would have worked so well! Thanks for the props.
or maybe “Wanted, Dead or Alive?”
and a partner, Jon Bon Nol Prosse
Can I just tell you how delightful that was? Oh you know my love of metal…by far my favorite from the Ape!
My brother will thoroughly enjoy this…btw, that guy’s fall was the gayest ever lol
And what’s up with hair metal lawyer’s accent?
I was laughing so hard I cried and even had to change my tampon.
Damn you Ape! I bled through my PJs!
OMG…Brown Horse and Lady Danger…
@Idiot Driving Honda Civic: you’re not outrunning anyone at 15mph. My son could track you down on foot and he’s not even in preschool.
@Guy Who Falls Down: I wish you really had been hit by a car.
@Hair Metal Lawyer: call me, I think I may have a client for you. His name is OJ.
@Jesse: good morning, insults on the way.
@Ape: brilliant. Goldilocks.
Stiletto: “I was laughing so hard I cried and even had to change my tampon.” Yeah. I’m totally sure that was what Soy was going for.
KW: Where’s my @?
@Bagel: Here you go. Didn’t mean to leave you out.
Awe shucks, Stiletto.
http://eatmyfuckingstilettos.wordpress.com/2007/09/17/i-laughed-so-hard-my-tampon-fell-out/
Somehow the ping didn’t come through, so there. Everyone go see what she wrote about Soy.
She’s just stringing us along . . . .
Thanks for adding an extra pile of laundry for me to wash and fold!
lol@FFE - you sick bastard! Leave my string out of this!
Wow! Sorry about that hygiene crisis, Stiletto!
No menstruation without representation!
File suit…
Jim: Jesse is already workin on that! :)
Wassup, Saint?! I heard about the lawsuit on a talk radio station today. I question the logic of telling the world how frivolous lawsuits are important by filing a frivolous lawsuit. Against God. Especially when you are a state senator.
So I can file one against Purgatory? For making me do nothing?
Stiletto: You sooo should, and send it to me so I can post it :0
I have a feeling we’ll be waiting a long time.
[...] We Are the Youth Gone Litigious [...]
[...] posts: Least Metal Moments - TL;DR Biography: Timothy Leary We Are the Youth Gone Litigious - Hair ‘em, Scare ‘em « 12 things I hate about being a serial killer If [...]