Rosh Hashanah, eBay, and land-swaps
Today marks Rosh Hashanah, New Years Day on the Hebrew calendar. It is a day of celebration and reflection. Being the only member of Ration Reality’s staff with any Jewish heritage (and who isn’t a screaming Mick), it’s my pleasure to wish you a Happy New Year, worldwide Jewry! Now this means that there’s just 3 more months to the real New Year!
In honor of this special holiday, Ration Reality is proud to offer a collection of news stories we’ve been saving with a decidedly Jewish flavor. Mazal Tov!!
Temple Emanu-EL, an Orthodox synagogue in Miami, FL, made headlines last week by engineering a very unusual e-Bay offering: Lifetime Front-Row Seats at Temple. That’s right; the “Best Seats in the Shul” were up for grabs. However the blue carpet treatment didn’t end there. Besides being able to mix it up with the Rabbi and Cantors, the winning bidder would also get his/her family name engraved in Seats 1 and 2 (Row 1, Section DD), free parking for life, as well as specially-made tallits and yarmulkes. Furthermore, these privileges could be passed on from generation to generation — just like a sense of entitlement or intense pressure to succeed. And just what value could one place on this mitzvah? Well, the bidding started at $1.8 million!
As of the auction’s close, no one was willing to pony up that kinda gelt and, therefore, the prize goes unredeemed. But, then, according to Rabbi Kliel Rose, it wasn’t really about the money. So what was the purpose of this gross commoditization of faith? It all comes down to publicity, apparently. The Conservative congregation, based in the largely hedonistic South Beach area of the city, has seen its ranks thin out over the years. The auction was seen as a way to bring the synagogue to the attention of a more religiously-disconnected, and likely younger, crowd of Jews. “The idea was really just to be edgy.”, said Rabbi Rose.
Sources: JTA Breaking News - Associated Press Online
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In Israel, the law is The Law, and vice-versa. However, the Biblical legal traditions sometimes run counter to economic and social pressures of modern life. Case in point: under Mosaic Law, Jewish farmers in the land of Israel may tend his land in all ways necessary for harvest, uninterrupted, for 6 years. On the seventh year, known as Shemita (shmita), land owned by Jews becomes sacred, and must be left untended through the year–this means no sowing, irrigation, plowing or harvesting. Some of the finest, most productive farmland in the world is found in Israel. With the industrialization of society, subsistence cultivation in the Holy Land has shifted to high-yield, agri-dustrial farming to cover the burden of providing for the lawyer and shop foreman. Moreover, the highly-developed industrial countries of Western Europe and Asia have looked to Israel for relatively low-cost, high quality produce. Taking that 7th year off simply isn’t an option.More than a century ago, some clever Jews reasoned that Shemita observance required that Jewish land must be left fallow, but it didn’t say anything about Non-Jewish land. Therefore, in modern times, all Jewish-owned farms have been purchased by a game gentile (sometimes known as “Shmita Goy’) just before Rosh Hoshanah, the start of Shemita.
On the Hebrew calendar, this is a Shmita year. An Israeli Defense Force officer, Hemda Genam, was selected to symbolically “purchase” the land to be sold in 2 parcels. The lawyers and rabbi in charge of overseeing and certifying the sale drew up the papers and the first parcel (consisting of government-held farms) was transferred without a hitch. However, when the second contract was drawn for the sale of lands held by individuals, Genam wasn’t there to sign. He wasn’t reminded that he had to make the second purchase. By Monday evening, the tension was beginning to border on the ridiculous as the parties involved tried frantically to reach Genam, who eventually got the message and hastily signed the sale contract. (Good job, Genam–you almost fucked-up a whole year for hundreds of farmers, dude.) Overseeing Rabbi Ze’ev Weitman remarked, “Next shmita year I’ll sell all the land at once. If you split it up into two separate sales, people don’t take you seriously”
Sources: Jerusalem Post - Haaretz.com

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Jews? In MY Nazi website? It’s more likely than you think.
Kevin
12 Sep 07 at 1:27 pm
Kev: I hate that meme. I hate it sooo much.
bagel of everything
12 Sep 07 at 1:57 pm
I know
Kevin
12 Sep 07 at 3:18 pm
I took Hebrew but fuck if I remember a single word.
stepher
12 Sep 07 at 5:57 pm
@ Stepher: What I know (of Hebrew) is all phonetic (I couldn’t begin to write it out in proper Hebrew.), and mostly irrelevant to any practical situation.
I wanted to call this post “Jews in the News”.
Soylent Ape
12 Sep 07 at 10:04 pm
Sorry Soy, I get confused.
bagel of everything
13 Sep 07 at 9:00 am
Hey Ape…ya big miskeit!!!
May you be inscribed in the Book of Life….Oy.
Check witchu a week from today as I fast my ass off for a little Yom Kippur action and atoning BIG TIME for some sure fire anti God shit I’ve done over the past year!
Laurie Kendrickowitz
lauriekendrick
13 Sep 07 at 3:37 pm
Thanks, Laurie!
Good luck with all the fasting and atoning. I must admit that, being Catholic, I thought you got that all out of the way earlier in the year! (Recovering Catholic, I mean.)
Soylent Ape
13 Sep 07 at 7:53 pm
Oh, I’m Catholic, Ape—this is true, but I come from Good Jewish stock..it’s all on Pater’s side so, Talmudically, it doesn’t count, but I know enough to know which side of my challah is buttered.
lauriekendrick
13 Sep 07 at 8:12 pm
It’s always good to know what on side one’s challah is buttered.
Jews in Texas–who Knew? Wait…you’re not related to Kinky Friedman, are you?
Oy-lent Ape
14 Sep 07 at 5:54 am
Ape Honey, the chosen people are everywhere..more specifically in Texas. Hell, the cities reflect that fact it in their real names.
Example:
1)I live in state’s largest city, Jewston,
2) the capital of Texas is Austien (Sephardic)
3) San Antoniowitz
4) In West Texas, along the Mexican border, there’s El Passover
5) And lastly, I hear there’s a Jew or two even in Dallas..maybe.
So, there you go!
Goyim: Everybody should know some!
LK
lauriekendrick
14 Sep 07 at 7:17 am
Kinky Freidman. And don’t forget Jewevo Laredo. I’m getting homesick.
keywork
14 Sep 07 at 10:31 am
@ Keywork: Who could forget Jewevo Laredo? …all those Jewish truck drivers coasting up to red lights; It’s a sight to see!
@ Laurie: I always thought Austein was Ashkenazi. Go figure. Let’s not forget Galvestein, Wacohen, Planowitz, Texarkaniak, and, of course, Temple!
Soylent Ape
15 Sep 07 at 8:01 am
lol@laurie
bagel of everything
19 Sep 07 at 12:35 pm
nothing wrong with a little jewish flavor. i should know.
love, ron
hedgehog
21 Sep 07 at 9:12 pm
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