Ration Reality

I awoke this mornng to 3 articles from 3 of my favorite writers. Jesse with My Take on Larry Craig,  Deviant with this article, and unrelated goofyness from ZachAction (I’m gunna make you wait for that one!).What’s a shill of an editor to do with such luck? Pick a Craig article? Mash them up? Post them both?

“You can do a he said she said thing. I can be the She” - Deviant

Nuff said.

Deviant: Because hot nerds are hot

Its no secret that the Republican party is the party of the white supremacist misogynist southern man who stands up to tsk-tsk the hero of any decent Jerry Bruckheimer movie, but what has been a long-held secret is the disease that many of these conservatives suffer privately in their own lives:

GAY TIME TRAVEL

Gay time travel takes place when an individual–through sheer force of will–bends the space time continuum and briefly pops into the existence of a past timeline…say somewhere in the 1940s.

Wormholes: The Goatse’s of space

This person would briefly act as if he is in the 1940’s, stunning his modern peers.

 Jerry Lewis, in an unbelievable display of Gay Time Travel, magically
travels back to the 1940’s and witnesses himself standing next to Dean Martin
enjoying a few of their vaudevillian bits amidst shots of dry martinis;
calls his cameraman’s son a fag

Fortunately for Jerry, the majority of Americans take pity on his bloated head and the mongoloid kids he tires to save every year. Unfortunately, many people who suffer from the disease of gay time travel aren’t so lucky:

 As evidenced in this photo taken approximately in the year 1984.
Senator Craig is seen appearing before Reagan. Authorities believe
that–under the effects of his fractured experience in gay time travel,
Craig immediately proceeded to wear a pink hankie on his back
pocket and march right into the nearest men’s lavatory for some
toe-tapping anonymous fun as was fashionable to do at the time.

As you can see, Craig–under the devious delusion of gay time travel–became immediately unaware of such modern conveniences such as: anonymous chat rooms, paid escort assistants, or sex with a down low black man.

Unfortunately these people, and far too many others, are all suffering from the effects of Gay Time Travel–blindly believing themselves to be temporarily rehashing an earlier time line. As dutiful citizens, we must be vigilant and let these people know that they are NOT living in a time where:

-blackface is totally comfortable to do on TV
-you have to hide your gayness like a third nipple
-you can do the macarena at parties without looking like an ass

Lay off of Jerry Lewis though as I feel he gets more interesting while lost in time. I hear he breaks out his kyke material on hour 23 of that damn telethon if you encourage him.

More ЯR exclusives from the mind of Deviant:

• Straight Woman’s Guide To Bedding A Gay Man
• A glistening, verboten dream
• I now pronounce you an ignorant homophobe

(He’s one of those homosexuals, incase you didn’t guess)

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