Word of the Week: Jenkem
This shit will fuck you up
We first heard about jenkem in 1999, when the BBC News reported on the growing fad amongst Zambian street children, which has quickly spread throughout Sub-Saharan Africa. Nobody cared — until some white, middle class, all-American fucktard claimed to have tried it.
So what is jenkem?
It’s human feces. Poop. Shit. Turds. SEWAGE!
A bunch of African children have discovered they can get one helluva buzz by collecting raw sewage in plastic bottles, letting it fester in the sun, and inhaling the fumes.
Honest.
I’m a live and let live kind of Bagel, and I love me some drugs, but damn. That’s just vile.
Jenkem is:
-
Gas created by the fermentation of human filth, for the purpose of inhalation by filthy humans.
-
Proof that African street children are morons.
How did I arrive at number 2 (hehe, number 2)?
These children are digging, bare-handed, in public sewers for pooh. Other people’s pooh. Stranger pooh. The pooh of an entire village.
Why don’t they just shit into the bottle themselves?
I’d totally huff my own dirt-gas for a killer buzz and a bag of nickels.
Uncyclopedia.org refers to any user-deleted article as “huffed”. Irony rarely ensues.
Proof that I didn’t make this up:
- Wikipedia
- What Pushes My Buttons
- Associated Press
- Jenkem=Bullshit?
- Warren Ellis (If he were God, we’d worship him)
- Answers.com
- myspace.com/jenkem is not about the drug, just a lady with an unfortunate first/last name combo. You probably shouldn’t bother her.
Feel free to hotlink to the Soylent Green picture at the top. It’s based on this poster
More ’Word of the Week’ posts:
- Word of the Week: Blepharoplasty
- Word of the Week: Cordyceps
- Word of the Week: Mondegreen
- Word of the Week: CILF
- Word of the Week: Fursecution
We are well aware that we do not publish these every week, thank you for your stupid fucking emails. We never promised every week would have its own word. Huff some jenkem and relax, my bammies!
I’m not even going to comment on this. Wait…I just did, didn’t I?
Soylent Ape
1 Sep 07 at 7:55 am
Discovering new drugs is the American way. Too bad its happening happening in Africa, where they sniff poop.
Kevin
1 Sep 07 at 10:04 am
I’m BLIINNDD!!!! I thought stoma herpes were bad, but this has wiped the image of colostomy sex right out of my head…
~Raven
somedaynurse
1 Sep 07 at 3:58 pm
Kevin: Totally. They should just lick eachother’s poop, like civilized minorities.
Salad is tasty and nutritious.
S’nurse: There are some horrid photos of it out there on the web. I chose not to use any of them, and make my own gastronomically-friendly arts instead.
If you follow the links in the entry, you should keep some eye bleach handy. You’ll need it.
Also: colostomy sex ? WTF?! Details plz
bagel of everything
1 Sep 07 at 9:09 pm
My biggest respect to African street children.
And I’m now serious.
I inject justice.
Entomo The Insect-Man
1 Sep 07 at 10:10 pm
“Proof that African street children are morons.”
No. Uninformed. Scared. Looking for a way to mentally escape the injustice happening there every day that Ms. Jolie keeps adopting them to make it all feel better to her.
Poop costs nothing…they have nothing.
No I’m not saying it because I’m black.
Arm Jerker J.
1 Sep 07 at 10:56 pm
Did you say, “bammies”? I think you did! Wapa-tah!!
To the Zambian street children(on the panta-stai):
“Say da-nay-no, tipi-tais. Jenkem is netatai.”
Soylent Ape
2 Sep 07 at 12:56 am
AJJ: It’s satire, friend. It’s what we do.
We do not truly believe that Dr. Dre is an actual doctor, that the semen discarded after masturbation should be used to feed the hungry, or that Yo momma so weird, she understands lolcats. However, we do kinda believe that the poor should sell their babies to the rich for food.
“No. Uninformed. Scared” . <– How much information does one need to know not to concentrate and inhale the fumes from sewage? It isn’t a “gag learned-behavior” it’s a “gag reflex”. But that isn’t why I called them morons.
Perhaps you should read on:“How do I arrive at number 2 (…) Why don’t they just shit into the bottle themselves? I’d totally huff my own dirt-gas for a killer buzz”
SA: Took ya long enough to notice the Pootie Tang shout-out!
bagel of everything
2 Sep 07 at 1:17 am
Bagel: Yea. I know. Just my two cents, either way…satire or not. I know this is a place for lunacy…
Sorry to be Debbie Downer all up in ya area.
Arm Jerker J.
2 Sep 07 at 10:01 am
Definition for the housewife: All up in ya area means in your business or in your place of comfort.
Arm Jerker J.
2 Sep 07 at 10:02 am
AJJ: Nothing to be sorry for. I enjoy these kinds of discussions. The majority of our readers don’t leave comments, so I figure each comment represents a few dozen lurkers.
We come off as being all about lunacy, but if you pay attention, much of what we write is intended to open the mind. I don’t mind playing the bad-cop if it makes someone think.
You should write something for us. Perhaps The Middle Class Black Woman’s Guide to Alt. Country?
bagel of everything
2 Sep 07 at 10:55 am
I think I just fell out of my chair…Alt. Country?! Ok. Lemme think.
Arm Jerker J.
2 Sep 07 at 1:41 pm
That’d be great. How about this for Jesse: an atheist’s guide to Christian Apologetics. I could write a loser’s guide to success in life. It’d be great!
Soylent Ape
2 Sep 07 at 3:30 pm
Bagel:
The following stories made me seriously reconsider my career choice. You will be sorry if you read these posts. I will not be held responsible for the consequences.
http://crasspollination.blogspot.com/2007/06/quite-possibly-nastiest-thing-youll.html
http://floatfloorrn.blogspot.com/2007/08/nasty-just-nasty.html
somedaynurse
2 Sep 07 at 5:08 pm
AJJ: Do it! Do it!
SA: Yeah
SDN: It’s probably way more gross if you don’t have to look up “stoma”. If a nurse, or a somedaynurse, is disgusted by it, it is incredibly disgusting. You folks have a high tolerance for such.
I mean, you’d prolly not even be disgusted by this or this
bagel of everything
2 Sep 07 at 5:34 pm
I bet stomas are tighter than a baby’s asshole.
Kevin
3 Sep 07 at 11:01 pm
Kev: Is that all you men think about? Tight holes? Where’s the romance? A stoma can’t kiss goodnight and tell you it loves you.
Choose babies. Choose love.
bagel of everything
3 Sep 07 at 11:10 pm
Clearly, none of you have ever been to Haiti. If you had, the jenkem concept would not surprise you in the least. Mmmm….stomas….
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 8:18 am
Clearly none of us have been to Haiti, as we are not dead of the aids.
The 3rd world totally sucks. I’ll never understand why people choose to live there.
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 8:24 am
Port Au Prince is the most rancid place I have ever been to. I got back from that shithole almost three years ago and I still get tested once a week for the aids.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 8:34 am
I lived in Baltimore, for like 2 whole months.
Top that!
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 8:42 am
Arkansas for 15 months.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 8:55 am
I was born, raised, and edumacated in southern West Virginia.
(that’s the bad part, fyi)
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 8:56 am
Texas.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 9:00 am
Singlewide trailer, up a holler
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 9:03 am
Smaller room in a singlewide, North Carolina.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 9:07 am
Hey, I live in NC!@#!$
College: A 7′6′ “room” in an unairconditioned house smack in the center of a cancer cluster, in WV, wedged between a crack house and a river that was the same color, day or night (ewwwwwe).
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 9:15 am
ewe do live in NC. haha. I was stationed in Jacksonville for four years. You had me at crack house.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 9:25 am
Fuck that, the crack house was the only redeeming part of it all!
You really gotta live close by to get in on the blue light specials.
(When you see the blue flashing lights, go ’round to the back windows and pick up whatever little plastic bags may have been tossed out the window.)
BTW: Hits from the dark continent finally started trickling in shortly after this was posted.
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 9:30 am
Interesting. The Dark Continent? If I am a cracker, can I laugh at this?
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 10:02 am
Laugh away, but that’s actually what it’s called.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_continent
The best lols are educationalols
bagel of everything
4 Sep 07 at 10:16 am
Still laughing.
keywork
4 Sep 07 at 10:19 am
[...] it seems I’ve been picking on the proud African race. (Ex: 1, 2, 3) To make it up to ya’ll, I’ve made this. Should balance the scales, doncha [...]
That’s just wong! « Ration Reality
5 Sep 07 at 6:11 pm
[...] Reality has also been a tremendous source for edumacating me every week. Who knew people were getting high by sniffing poo? I do, thanks to Ration [...]
The Worst SEO Blog Ever Hits 1,000. Yep. 1,000. « The Worst SEO Blog Ever!
5 Sep 07 at 6:43 pm
ahhhh, kids. I wonder if there’s a difference in diet and how high one of those dumbasses can get? Like, does a coffee, Jolt and chocolate turd make them feel different than a beer, steak and potato turd?
seohack
5 Sep 07 at 7:09 pm
Congrats, SEO!
I remember our first 1kday!
It was Jesse’s CILF article that dragged our drunken asses across that milestone.
I love you, internets.
Thanks for the props, darlin.
Also, I think if they had any of those things, they’d not be resorting to huffing pooh to forget how hungry they are.
Starving people are an excellent source for your daily LOL needs.
bagel of everything
5 Sep 07 at 7:20 pm
Negative ghostrider! It was the Superhero stuff that took us over a thousand for the first time. Back in, shit, July I think. CILF got us our first day over TWO thousand.
jessecuster
5 Sep 07 at 7:43 pm
Oh hell, I almost forgot about the trail of stale cracker-crumbs!!!
I wish they would come over and play with us some more. They were fun.
bagel of everything
5 Sep 07 at 9:30 pm
A letter to the administration
Tags:To whom it may concern.
My son is going to your school, and I am concerned and appalled by this new thing that the children are doing…children including him. I am sending this email anonymously, because I do not want my son in any trouble. I…
It's Over Nine Thousand
22 Sep 07 at 9:02 am
Dear It’s Over Nine Thousand,
Jenkem is so last Thursday.
Signed,
Unanimous
bagel of everything
22 Sep 07 at 1:28 pm
[...] Jenkem: Actual shit that will actually fuck you up [...]
This Vogue will Fuck you Up « Ration Reality
11 Oct 07 at 9:46 am
Brings a whole new meaning to
“choking on a fart”.
I wonder if Africa has any rehab programs for Jenkem addicts.
Not all the hospitals are full with HIV patiences.
Unanimous t00
6 Nov 07 at 10:15 pm
wow. all i can say is wow. I always liked sniffing my own poop but i never suspected anyone else was into it too.
spank
7 Nov 07 at 10:54 am
I heard about this somewhere else, but I can’t remember where. I thought it was here, but the article I read didn’t have Bagel’s tone…so confused.
Anyways, I thought I’d heard it all when I learned about Australian aboriginal peoples huffing gasoline fumes, but this just takes the cake. The brown, foul-smelling cake.
Cody
7 Nov 07 at 2:00 pm
It’s the post that wouldn’t die…
@ Cody: You gotta have money to buy gasoline like those bourgeois Aborigines. To put it in Anarchistic terms: “Sewage is a Right, Not a Privilege!”
@ Spank: All I can say is wow, too…
Soylent Ape
7 Nov 07 at 5:45 pm
Money? Pshaw. Just hang out around a gas station. “Help you fill your car?” *SNIFF* “Ahh, okay, you finish up.”
I wouldn’t know about any of that, though. I swear.
Cody
8 Nov 07 at 12:25 am
When I was little, I loved the smell of both gasoline and matches. I never associated the two until I was an adult.
bagel of everything
8 Nov 07 at 1:04 am
shit i tried it and damn. highdihighdi high. tast is horible. try adding cool aid poder to the mix
j
8 Nov 07 at 6:56 am
thats it im commiting suicide
mikel
9 Nov 07 at 10:21 pm
[...] in Africa (where people still eat “bush meat,” and where people have recently begun getting high off their own shit) is because black people aren’t as smart as white people, it’s nice to know that a [...]
XXLmag.com | Hip-Hop On A Higher Level | » Should black kids go to Iraq?
14 Nov 07 at 12:27 pm
XXL: Thanks for the link. It’s a great honor.
Our motto is “hyperbolic excellence” for a reason.
bagel of everything
14 Nov 07 at 6:11 pm
[...] all humanist mythology about the grandeur of civilization, History of Shit suggests instead that the management of human waste is crucial to our identities as modern individuals–including the organization of the city, the rise of the nation-state, the development of [...]
The History of Shit
14 Nov 07 at 6:23 pm
[...] kids. So long as you avoid eating things that look, taste, and smell like feces, you’re safe from the evil Canadian [...]
Chocolate is Evil, and so is Canada « Ration Reality
29 Nov 07 at 12:37 am
We’ve finally been picked up by images.google. My stupid little Soylent Green cum Jenkem movie poster is the number one result for Jenkem!
See???
At least for now — the googles are fickle. Sure took ‘em long enough!
Also, I used ‘cum’ and ‘Jenkem’ in the same sentence. This is an historic day, indeed.
bagel of everything
6 Dec 07 at 1:21 am
Its also been a way for the greeniacs to reduce methane emissions to the atmosphere.
Ass receptacles that have tubes leading straight to their faces.
An milestone for recycling entusiasts.
http://micky2.wordpress.com/2007/11/11/decorate-your-tree-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/
micky2
6 Dec 07 at 1:30 am