Gary Coleman: Model Railroader, Model American
Our brave friend, Zach Action has accepted an assignment.
.
.
Gary Coleman is a huge model train enthusiast. If you don’t believe me, you can look it up. Apparently the word “addiction” is appropriate, as he has spent thousands and thousands upon thousands (literally THOUSANDS) of dollars on the hobby.
Is this surprising? Maybe at first glance. But assuming you give it a second glance (a pretty big assumption), it becomes painfully obvious.
As a society, we look down on Gary Coleman (pun kinda intended). He’s a former child star, he’s really short, and he’s weird. This leaves him with basically two options:
1) Kill himself.
2) Design and build a model train world that he can reign supreme over.
It makes perfect sense. He constructs an entire miniature world that owes its existence to him. The miniature bank teller has never heard of “Diff’rent Strokes.” The miniature busty postwoman thinks Gary Coleman is a GIANT. Gary laughs with them, gives them advice, and they fill his life with meaning. They do not mock him; they love him. Gary Coleman may have failed in his quest to become governor of California, but he is God to the hundreds of plastic constituents that make up Coleman City.
I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into this. Maybe his maturity level didn’t progress the same way his body didn’t. Maybe he’s just a big kid. If I was a 39-year-old kid, I’d probably spend all my money on train sets, too.
ZachAction.com ZackAction!!! myspace.com/zachaction
Related post: Diff’rent Stokes up in Crack Smoke
I’m not proud of it, but I was once a model railroader, too. I had layouts in N and HO scale. My parents and I spent mucho bux on that hobby.
Soylent Ape
31 Aug 07 at 6:09 am
My biggest respect to the Gary Coleman. And I’m now serious.
I inject justice.
Entomo The Insect-Man
31 Aug 07 at 12:55 pm
Almost as bad here Soylent - I’m an unrepentant scale modeler
Frontier Former Editor
31 Aug 07 at 11:50 pm
Hey, it keeps the kids off the street–the ones without dates that is. It allows all those pent-up hormones to be channelled into something creative.
Soylent Ape
1 Sep 07 at 12:02 am
“Look Down” on Gary? Hell, I supported him in his Gov. campain in Calif.! I has a Vote gary Lic. frame & everything. no joke.
Superhero
1 Sep 07 at 12:27 am
I’ve never been a girly girl, but even I draw the line at model trains. Plech!
I mean, they don’t even come with sniffable glue, like proper models should!
SH: Dude, I NEED a picture of your badass vette with that frame!
bagel of everything
1 Sep 07 at 1:17 am
Never been much on railroading, but aircraft? Oh the joy . . .
Frontier Former Editor
1 Sep 07 at 6:51 am
@ Bagel: If you were a Brazilian model railroader, you could huff your ass off with their glue!
Soylent Ape
1 Sep 07 at 12:51 pm
My favorite witches’ brew for model building is methyl ethyl ketone - a cross between rocket fuel and nerve gas
Frontier Former Editor
1 Sep 07 at 6:09 pm
And this is available at your local hobby shop? …and I always thought Testor’s glue was good enough.
Soylent Ape
2 Sep 07 at 12:08 am
FFE: Have you seen the film Love Liza ? I know Soy has
bagel of everything
2 Sep 07 at 1:22 am
Love, Liza is the best inhalant abuse movie ever–and that includes Ocean’s Thirteen!
Soylent Ape
2 Sep 07 at 10:02 am
After 35 years of building, MEK makes Testors look like Elmers. It dissolves plastic quickly, welds it together like it was zapped with an electron bean, evaporates like Republicans around Larry Craig, and sets up within 30 seconds to two minutes. And it’s a pretty good argument against inhaling since it’s basically a neuro toxin and it’ll leave you twitching like a squirrel grounded on a power line. No euphoria there. At least that’s what the safety sheets say.
Never heard of it til now, but I just read the IMDB rundown and it sounds pretty damn intriguing
Frontier Former Editor
2 Sep 07 at 11:18 am
FFE: It’s an awesome movie. I had a weird experience while watching it. The DVD was defective and died on my right at the end.
I don’t wanna spoil the movie for you by telling you more, but you’ll understand why I nearly went tothian when you watch it.
bagel of everything
2 Sep 07 at 11:23 am
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