The Scat of Luxury
Dear Amazon.com,
Who the hell is buying these things?
Seriously,
Bagel
Product Features
- Facial Quality 2-ply Paper
- Non-Toxic Gold Ink
- Individually Shrink Wrapped
- Great Gift Idea
- Great for Housewarming Gifts
Amazon.com Product Description
These rolls are so cute! The perfect personalization for your bathroom. Each roll is printed with a gold letter on facial quality 2-ply toilet paper with non toxic safe inks and then individually shrink wrapped. Guests will talk about the toilet tissue! These also make great guest favors. Or even gifts for the honeymoon. These also make great housewarming gifts!
For more products to wipe your ass on, see: What’s an integrity?
I think we all know what the ‘P’ stands for.
Soylent Ape
26 Aug 07 at 2:17 pm
Perhaps the “P” is alliterative instructions:
Puss
Piss
Pat (as in dry)
Pours Pruly,
Paurie Pendrick
lauriekendrick
26 Aug 07 at 3:55 pm
and what praytell is wrong with monogrammed toilet paper?
criminyjicket
26 Aug 07 at 6:09 pm
If the ink pigment didn’t contain gold and its disposal erode the core of a financial mainstay, it wouldn’t be such an issue . . . . . aww, who an I kidding?
Frontier Former Editor
26 Aug 07 at 6:11 pm
I wonder if the “recycle your scrap gold with this free gold kit” people will take it, after I’m done with it?
bagel of everything
26 Aug 07 at 6:19 pm
Yeah, “Paurie Pendrick”. That’s a lady with a taste for the finer things in life.
Soylent Ape
26 Aug 07 at 6:26 pm
nothing feeds my ego more than having guests wipe their asses with my initials. but they aren’t aloud to speak of it after i let them out of the basement.
keywork
27 Aug 07 at 8:34 am
It puts the monogrammed lotion on its skin…
bagel of everything
27 Aug 07 at 10:06 am
Hahahahahaha.
A “Silence of the Lamb” reference just when we needed it most!
Fly, Fly, far away little Starling!
You are brilliantly funny, Youngin!
Oldster,
LK
lauriekendrick
27 Aug 07 at 6:05 pm
Silence of the whosits?
Nooo
It’s from a story my daddy used to tell me called A Shining Nightmare on Citizen Dahmer’s Street
See, this man was caretaker of a favabean plantation/bed and breakfast for the off season, but they got snowed in and guests started going missing. Bunch of em turned up in the in the meatlocker. The cops thought he was eating them, but it was really his mother, Mrs. Rates. The television told her to come to them in their nightmares, see, and she had these metal claws for fingers. There was also something about a sled that I never really understood.
It was a real fine bedtime story.
bagel of everything
27 Aug 07 at 8:47 pm
“Guests will talk about the toilet tissue!”
Yes. Yes they will.
stepher
4 Sep 07 at 10:33 pm
Stephr: I know, right?!
“Great for Housewarming Gifts ”
Gosh, you shouldn’t have. Seriously, you shouldn’t have.
bagel of everything
5 Sep 07 at 2:50 pm
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