The Wooden Rose
Ever wonder who makes up those urban legends? Our friend Zach Action, that’s who!
One night a cute girl was at a club. She was dancing and having a good time when a very handsome man came up to her. “You are looking hot” he said and they danced. After a while, they started to get closer and then he said “If I don’t kiss you right now I will die.” They kissed and she thought it was the best kiss ever in her life.
One thing led to another and they ended up back at her apartment. I won’t say here what they did but let’s just say they did it. He was the most sensual and tender lover she had ever had and she thought it was the best lover ever in her life. As they fell asleep in each other’s arms he said “I know it is too soon but I love you and I will die if I don’t tell you now.” She smiled and said “I love you too” and she knew it was true.
She woke up in the morning and found he was not in bed. She thought maybe he was making breakfast in bed since he was perfect. Then she saw something on her desk. She got up and looked. It was a wooden rose. Attached to it was a note. It said “This wooden rose is symbolic. It is symbolizing all the termites I let loose in your apartment!!!” She looked around and saw little white termites everywhere, eating her apartment walls and floors and cupboards and her desk. Eventually her apartment was ruined and it was all because of a one night stand.
Don’t let this happen to you, pass this story on and hope you never wake up to a wooden rose.
I’ve spend hours at ZachAction.com. He has music!
Holler at him: myspace.com/zachaction
I guess that’s better than a real rose and gonorrhea.
keywork
24 Aug 07 at 3:18 pm
It’s cheaper to get rid of the jack than termites.
bagel of everything
24 Aug 07 at 3:23 pm
yeah, but the sight of termites and a chewed up apartment doesn’t make it burn when i pee.
keywork
24 Aug 07 at 3:43 pm
It’s true! It’s all horribly true!
Oh the shame of having to call the exterminator to tell him about the termites in the nightstand …
Oh … hang on … I misread that.
Metro
24 Aug 07 at 4:29 pm
i bet she never buys a piece of wood furniture again. and you can be damned sure she won’t fall for another guy with termites in his pocket.
keywork
24 Aug 07 at 5:30 pm
“guy with termites in his pocket.”
You just left that one wide open, didn’t ya?
Criminy, you wanna take the bait?
bagel of everything
24 Aug 07 at 5:43 pm
yeah, i really did.
keywork
24 Aug 07 at 5:48 pm
Great birthday song you wrote for Kris Saintsing! Man, you’re clever!
Soylent Ape
24 Aug 07 at 6:14 pm
I’d love to show Zach my wooden rose sometime.
Kevin
25 Aug 07 at 5:31 pm
Kevin: Gmail me a pic, and I’ll be sure it gets to him. Seriously.
bagel of everything
26 Aug 07 at 10:07 pm
Well at least that rose will stay hard 24/7
Stiletto
24 Sep 07 at 12:55 am
[...] Catcher in the Rye is a real good book Gary Coleman: Model Railroader, Model American - The Wooden Rose - TLDR Biographies: [...]
Looking back with a discerning eye « Ration Reality
3 Dec 07 at 11:06 pm
Stiletto: Until you melt it with your magic lube…
bagel of everything
9 Dec 07 at 1:46 am