Straight Woman’s Guide To Bedding A Gay Man
I offered Deviant an assignment. Can’t believe he actually did it.
Jesse & Soy, you boys better step up! -bagel
With modern men and women increasingly branching out into alternate mating lifestyle choices, many women I’ve encountered ((coughBagelcough)) have asked me what it takes for a woman to bed a gay man.
I can’t say I blame women. Gay men clean their asses, work-out, have bigger penises, and have an extra bone in our skulls that make us adept at Language and tongue-action.
I know some of you watched that this scene from The Opposite of Sex
But sadly this isn’t going to happen. You can’t get the hunky gay guy…..hell I can’t even get the hunky gay guy!! Nobody gets him except other hunky gay guys, and they usually get him with Crystal Meth at some gay orgy.
So I begrudgingly will relate to you my tips on how a woman can bed a gay man.
1) Know your gays.
Now there are two sort of gay men that women should ideally go for: The in-the-closet-doesn’t-even-know-he’s-gay-yet homo and the fruity drunk lithe boy who likes to make out with chicks.
Now the in-the-closet man will give it to you good at first, then things will peter out (see: James McGreevy, the early years) and the lithe boy will give it to you like another girl (see: James McGreevy the later years).
It is my basic understanding that all heterosexual women find hetero sex revolting, and that they are scared of penises and violence and the like. I know this because many of the women I know will make out and eat out another woman at the drop of a hat–and go so far as to play with each other’s breasts–but as soon as a man/penis shows up, they become shy and scared, and it takes them an entire month before they even entertain the notion of inserting their mate’s penis anywhere near their mouths.
This is why the lithe party boy is for you. Once he’s drunk and in the feeling for romance, he and you will experience all the joys of lesbian sex. He will be as gentle as a summer rain with you, and when all is said and done, he will cry himself to sleep. Awww
2) Become a Crystal Meth dealer.
If skank ho’s suck their crack dealer’s dick for a little extra blow, then certainly some party boy gay dude will finger you for some Tina.
3) Pretend you’re a boy.
Duh.
I mean DUH!! What the hell? Do you think I wouldn’t give you an actual pointer? This one works but you have to have balls of steel and be very determined to follow your silly plan through. I guarantee that if you turn up at a dimly lit gay club looking like Katherine Moennig, then you will surely sucker some poor ‘mo into bed with you! (Note: Her covering of her breasts)
4) Hang Around Ex-Gay Centers.
This isn’t really a tip for how to bed a gay man so much as it is general advice. Dude! Everyone should hang around Ex-Gay centers! Their is NOTHING more fun in life than cruelly torturing the weak and feeble minded, especially when they’re born again sodomites.
But seriously, I hear they’re strewn all over West Virginia somewhere.
5) Go for minorities.
Particularly black men and Asian men. For some reason black people HATE gays…even if they ARE gay, so you can use this hate to your advantage…not unlike how Emperor Palpatine used Luke Skywalker’s hate to almost turn him to the dark side.
“Take your Jedi weapon! Use it. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!”
I don’t know why I mentioned Asian men…but they seem to be a bit whacky with their sexuality. Actually I have a Jap friend who claims he’s bi, so I can hook you guys up if you want. OMG A/S/L?
6) Douche your vagina with the scent of ball sweat.
This one doesn’t fail. Who wants a vagina that smells like a vagina? Not gay guys!
You can fool them while they’re intoxicated, according to Bagel, by rubbing Durian plant on your vageen, which simulates the scent of rancid genital sweat.
I recommend you gently rub the thick dewy moisture found congregated in the mountains of the Himalayas to best mimic the acute muskiness of ball cheese.
7) Show Them Your Husband’s/Boyfriend’s Cock
Push it against the window so I can see it. Yeah that’s right…tug on it a bit. Mmmmmhmm He likes that doesn’t he? Yeaaaaah.
8) I think the last and final tip to bedding a gay man is…have confidence in yourself. Drop the lady schtick, well know you want it, we have it, so come and get it. There is no better way to bedding a gay man than getting obnoxiously drunk and just flinging yourself at gay men, and ordering them to touch your breasts through slurred speech.
Tres hot.
Good luck out there ladies, and Enjoy Your AIDS!
See also: Prostitution Solution
well, bagel…you now have all the knowledge you need…good luck wit dat.
funny man…ummmm…gay funny man? is that required? i don’t want you to be offended or anything
criminyjicket
August 19, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Criminy: If you want to offend Deviant, you’ll have to work much hard than that.
I challenge anyone reading this to offend him. Prizes will be given out! Seriously — I’ll send you a DVD or something.
Goto his blog and learn something about him, if you wanna stand a fucking chance.
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 6:01 am
I must live in a cave bceause I’ve never seen this show…but this is hilarious!
Ev Nucci
August 20, 2007 at 7:44 am
Oh, by the way I’ve linked into you. LIke your blog…it’s great.
Bagel note: Thanks! I’ll work in some links to you soon as I get a chance.
Ev Nucci
August 20, 2007 at 7:46 am
I’ll step up to the plate on this challenge.
Kevin, you are in fact the ultimate proof that being homosexual is a matter of environmental factors, not heredity or genetics. You were not actually born that way. Your mom made you that way.
I understand totally how it happened, and why. I mean, I’ve had your mom, okay? I know what it was like for you to roll around inside that disgustingly floppy orifice she calls a vagina. The first factor that went to making you hate pussy was, of course, the stench that you were forced to bathe in as you exited her rancid interior. But at the same time, it was also the first step in making you feminine: all the grit and filth in there provided your first exfoliation treatment.
If hers had been the first pussy I’d gotten to touch, I’d probably have been gay too. I mean shit – it was like wrapping my dick is sandpaper lubricated with lutefisk.
And then there’s the tits. I mean godDAMN. I sympathize with you, Kevin. I really do. I could barely bring myself to put my mouth on those wrinkled and dried up dugs for just the bare minimum of time to get the nipples hard. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, having to get your sole sustenance from them for months and months. It’s really no wonder that you don’t like tits.
I don’t hate you for being gay, Kevin. I understand why you are. I could never condemn you for something that you had no hand in. I do wish, however, that you’d give women a shot again … just with something that’s at least marginally less filthy and disgusting than your mother.
jessecuster
August 20, 2007 at 11:54 am
I think you’re going to have to try harder, Jesse.
Remember, you’re trying to offend the guy who wrote this:
I don’t believe its fair that countless of mentally unstable children were fondled inappropriately by Wayne Albert Bleyle and I of sound mind and body had to wait 18 years to have any sort of sex at all.(…)I think I was a choice piece of 9-year-old ass back in my day.
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 2:19 pm
K we can play the offend game, as long as I can fire back!
‘Ey Jesse,
If you had my mom, I’m sure she was totally repulsed by you and your prowess, just like the few other women you’ve gotten drunk enough to take to bed in your life.
Its probably a great idea that you settled and married that cunt of a wife of yours. She’s probably too dumb to realize she could do better than you…she could have married John Wayne Bobbitt for instance, and I bet he could give it to her better than you can post-accident!
Listen, I’m against gay teen suicide, and really suicide in general, but if you did indeed fuck my mom, and I am your son, I would take one of the guns you collect and blow my brains out. I would also highly suggest any of your offspring would do the same.
…like we actually need any more worthless white trash army brats floating around out in Utah or whatever no-name piss-ant burg you’re from.
Kevin
August 20, 2007 at 3:03 pm
hahaha
It’s funny, because my ex-wife actually moved to Utah with what may or may not actually be my kid.
heh
how ’bout we settle on someone blowing -her- brains out instead of mine? :)
jessecuster
August 20, 2007 at 3:15 pm
*yawn*
I notice you didnt respond to the Army part, Jesse.
You should probably use smaller words when insulting our FOB friend, Deviant, as he has some trouble con el ingles.
La homosexualidad es popular en nuestra cultura. Los pequeños buscadores tontos de la atención como se desean una cierta manera de ser diferentes. Para separarse de la muchedumbre. Alguna gente es el buen mirar, algo es inteligente, algunos puede cantar, bailar, o escribir. Otros eligen ser gays. Es una opción válida, como “goth” y “straight-edge”.
For those of you who are too intelligent to speak such an inferior language:
Homosexuality is popular in our culture. Silly little attention seekers like yourself want some way to be different. To separate themselves from the crowd. Some people are good looking, some are intelligent, some can sing, dance, or write. Others choose to be gay. It’s a valid choice, like goth and straight-edge.
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 3:49 pm
heh
You know, it’s funny, when you think about it. I mean, that’s the culture that invented the very concept of ‘machismo,’ yet they’ve got so many effeminate little nancy-boys it’s just stunning!
And don’t even get me started on the music. I mean, when the black guys want to roll around in their pimped out lowered cars, they’ll play gangsta rap, and it’s intimidating. You get the white kids (the non-wiggers, anyway), and they’re rolling around in their pimped out cars blasting out the black metal, and it’s intimidating.
But then, you get the Mexicans, right? And they’re rolling around in their pimped out lowered cars blasting out the accordion music.
And … it’s just not scary.
I mean, I just can’t be scared of oompa-loompa music with tubas and accordions, no matter how many Julios pop out of the car with guns.
What the fuck is that all about, anyway?
jessecuster
August 20, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Oh snap! I think we might have a winner!
I’m fairly sure calling him a mexican will earn you a DVD!
Judges?
For those playing along at home:
Comment by Kevin — August 20, 2007 @ 3:03 pm <— that’s Deviant. He says it’s ok. Don’t be afraid. He probably won’t raep you in your sleep.
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 4:52 pm
hell, bagrl, I was trying to say nice things…i thought it hilarious…and given inclination I can offend almost anyone, and yet i’m almost certain not many here.
criminyjicket
August 20, 2007 at 5:21 pm
C’mon Criminy! You got me good and pissed the day we met! We’re all very proud of you for that — I’m not quick to anger.
Show us what you’re made of. Hell, I declare this a free-for-all!
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 5:49 pm
yeah, but chicks are easy..especially homophobic ones. It’s hard to offend a guy gonna let some twinkie ram a salami up his anus. All you have to do is look at the guy and you can see he spends his time in the alley behind the local college hangouts paying to suck cock. and exactly what was his prize for teaching you how to be a faghag anyway. Christ, even jessie probably looks good to the lonely blue balls little shit.
so in other words, i’m staying out of it…too tough for me.
criminyjicket
August 20, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Good one!
But remember peeps, we are trying to offend, not insult. I’m guilty of going for the insults myself.
Here, lemme ’splain:
This is offensive
but
This is just insulting
bagel of everything
August 20, 2007 at 7:37 pm
You know, you guys can talk shit about DeViant all ya want, but I’m not gonna buy in. There’s no humor in tearing someone down, so I’m gonna do the opposite for my friend Kev. (I call him ‘Kev’ because we’re tight like that.)
First, the Latins are an industrious and noble people. Someone had to clean our motel rooms and man the deep frier at KFC, and they stepped up to do the task with style and grace. Their chicas are the very image of beauty, with their shaven-and-penciled eyebrows–Damn,that’s HOT! And the guys are so hard-working and macho–and, yet, they still break down and cry like on those Telemundo soap operas. Sometimes, I see one of them walking down the street with two or three teardrops tattooed on his cheek and I say, “now there’s a guy that’s in touch with his emotions”. (I guess that’s why they wear those blue or red handkerchiefs above their eyes. Ya never know when you might need a good cry.) They’re so sensitive; it’s no wonder Morrissey is so popular in the Hispanic community! !Viva Kev! and his proud Honduran heritage.
And how many of you have stopped to think about the many ways the gays contribute to our society. Did you know that if every homosexual were to die of some virus tomorrow, the collapse in the sale of gym memberships, house music and Amyl Nitrate alone would be enough to sink the world’s economy. And let’s hear it for a group of people who can do crystal meth the right way! I mean, let a straight guy tweak for a month and he’s torn his hair out and scratched his face off.
So, in the spirit of friendship and tolerance, let us celebrate our friend Deviant!
Soylent Ape
August 20, 2007 at 8:52 pm
see, i told you it was too complicated for me. Now I’ve insulted him, and he’s probably rocking back and forth in front of his TV watching his harvest moon collection and wailing and gnashing his teeth
and it’s all your fault bagel…just like the day we met *S*
how are you btw?
criminyjicket
August 20, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Hilarious.
Lola
August 21, 2007 at 8:00 am
Insults? Offenses? Who cares? I got laid last night by a hot dancer!
And I stuffed my face with a baconator today while the office intern made googly eyes at me. Its good to be the king :-p
Kevin
August 21, 2007 at 3:18 pm
anyone likes baconators is ok with me
criminyjicket
August 21, 2007 at 4:24 pm
[...] with Crystal Meth at some gay orgy. So I begrudgingly will relate to you my tips on how source: Straight Womans Guide To Bedding A Gay Man, Ration [...]
» Straight Woman’s Guide To Bedding A Gay Man Gay and Homo Themed entertainment website
August 22, 2007 at 12:18 am
Ha! If we had a “clever use of ellipses award” I’d give it to the site that just sent that pingback.
“You cant get the hunky gay guy..hell … get him with Crystal Meth at some gay orgy.”
For those too lazy to look up, what our post actually says:
“You can’t get the hunky gay guy…..hell I can’t even get the hunky gay guy!! Nobody gets him except other hunky gay guys, and they usually get him with Crystal Meth at some gay orgy.”
There’s a difference there somewhere, I think.
bagel of everything
August 22, 2007 at 12:17 pm
can i just say this post rocks socks?
that crystal meth, yea. that’s dead on.
Arm Jerker J.
August 22, 2007 at 8:25 pm
AJJ: Hell, you can say it twice if you tell me what it means.
Kevin owns us all
From Kevin’s comment: “I stuffed my face with a baconator today while the office intern made googly eyes at me. Its good to be the king :-p”
From Kevin’s blog: “Unfortunately I also ate a Baconator that nearly killed me, but that’s neither here nor there.”
Studly :)
bagel of everything
August 22, 2007 at 10:07 pm
it’s my inner blonde talking…
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rocks+my+socks
or if you are so inclined, “rocks my box” however i’m more of a boxer brief gal myself…
Arm Jerker J.
August 22, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I was teasing, I derived its meaning from the context. I’m smart like that.
However, I did find the UrDic definitions entertaining:
Like omgwtfbbq!! Urban Dictionary totally rawks my sawks
bagel of everything
August 22, 2007 at 10:35 pm
i just felt my IQ drop a full ten points…thank you armjerkin bagel
criminyjicket
August 22, 2007 at 10:37 pm
You say that everytime you visit, CJ. Your IQ should be div/0 by now.
bagel of everything
August 22, 2007 at 10:43 pm
ah yes. i stay the queen of annoying/retard catch phrases. anybody wanna battle? i’ll take ya down with an outburst of the word “weak” in a teenage tone and end with a “FENCE!”
booyaka.
i know you are mensa smart bagel.
Arm Jerker J.
August 22, 2007 at 11:05 pm
It’s recently been brought to my attention that “mensa” is el spanish for “retarded girl”.
I’ve heard that before, but I thought it was a joke, until I looked it up. I am a retarded ninja :)
bagel of everything
August 22, 2007 at 11:18 pm
ahhh! brillant.
Arm Jerker J.
August 24, 2007 at 12:26 am
Oh! I found Deviant’s baby picture!
Aren’t Hondurans just so cute at that age :)
I win the contest?
bagel of everything
August 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
The line between offensive and insulting has always been unrecognizable to me, so I happily leave this one the fuck alone.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 10:39 am
I think it’s a bad idea for a woman to try to “bed” with a gay man. Knowing a few gay men, I know that in my hometown, approxomately 4/5 gay men have aids. This is not to say that the statistic follows through to every community, but it is scary to think that a woman would want that too.
Bagel note: Fake Kevin, you are the winner of our “Offend Kevin, Win a DVD” contest! Check your email inbox.
Kevin
August 31, 2007 at 11:27 am
Your hometown is in Kali. That’s like not even really America.
It doesn’t count.
I want a man who cleans his ass, damnit!
Edit: acK! I fell for an IMPOSTER KEVIN!
bagel of everything
August 31, 2007 at 11:50 am
For some, the need for what they can’t have always overrides common logic. Good news: sometimes fatal. Bad news: the fatalities are offset by reproduction.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 11:50 am
Bagel, you could sell soap with a detailed User’s Manual. I may even buy it. But no one will ever make me wash my ass if I don’t want to.
Hygenically Yours,
keywork.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 11:56 am
Wait, I think I’ve figured it out.
Offensive: “Keywork: Your life’s work was a total fucking waste. Your jokes about my mother sucked as well”.
Insult:
“Keywork:you are a fucking waste. Your mother should have swallowed you when she had the chance”.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Yeah, but you’re kinda sposed to insult other ppl.
Tho this is a fun game as well.
Bagel, you are a herpathetic clit guzzling bacon turd.
bagel of everything
August 31, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Oh. I’m so stupid.
Bagel, I wouldn’t allow my dog within ten miles of you and your syphilitic maggot drenched crater of shame.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 1:54 pm
Lice infested mayonnaise clown!
(you shouldn’t blog about your phobias. some unscrupulous person may use them against you)
bagel of everything
August 31, 2007 at 1:58 pm
It keeps me on my toes. Horses carrying lice. They’re coming for you.
keywork
August 31, 2007 at 2:27 pm
“I think it’s a bad idea for a woman to try to “bed” with a gay man. Knowing a few gay men, I know that in my hometown, approxomately 4/5 gay men have aids. This is not to say that the statistic follows through to every community, but it is scary to think that a woman would want that too.”
Whoever said that wins. He offended me by using my name! I SAID ENJOY YOUR AIDS in the entry. Asshole.
Kevin
September 3, 2007 at 11:23 pm
HAHAHA! I thought that /was/ you!
I gave up trying to figure out where the sarcasm was.
I emailed him ;b
bagel of everything
September 4, 2007 at 12:13 am
That’s what offended you, Deviant? Okay, so he misappropriated your name, but all-in-all, worse was said. Meh..
Soylent Ape
September 4, 2007 at 9:19 pm
[...] Straight Woman’s Guide To Bedding A Gay Man [...]
Gay Time Travel « Ration Reality
September 5, 2007 at 2:04 pm
OH MY GOD is all I have to say.
ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod
Stiletto
September 7, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Researchers search for articles on affairs such as this for several different motives.
tijned horeca
September 17, 2007 at 2:29 am
spam supplements
We have tapped into the world wide web to bring you mr big dick insights.
Bagel note: If all spam was this awesome, I’d think spam was awesome.
spam supplements
October 1, 2007 at 5:19 pm
The contest is over, but this is now the official “I HATE KEVIN” thread.
Let it fly!
Or just go hate him on his own blog.
(PS: I ♥ you, Kevin..even if you do have the mexican gaids)
bagel update: For anyone trying to follow this… A fight broke out in the comments on another post. Something was said that freaked me out, I overreacted (prolly for reasons other than you’d guess), and directing it over here somehow seemed like a good idea at the time. Stupid hindsight.
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Nice. Go fuck yourself Kevin. We believe in you. You can do it.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 4:44 pm
That’s lovely coming from a non-white editor-in-chief of a gay mens magazine.
The nazis would have to draw and quarter you do get the right bits into the right furnaces.
(they hated gays and journalists too, folks)
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Obviously not you.
My Grandmother was beaten and raped in front of my mother by 5 Nazis for hiding American soldiers in her closet. And then they raped my 12 year mother in front of my grandmother.
They tattoed them both and threw them in a camp with 17,000 others for 9 months and almost starved to death.
“June 23 The Danish Commission is granted permission to inspect the concentration camp at Theresienstadt to observe the treatment of its Danish prisoners. The Nazis engage in a quick restoration process, beautifying Theresienstadt and producing a “model ghetto.” During this process, 17,000 Jews are sent to Auschwitz so that Theresienstadt would not appear overcrowded and unpresentable.”
I had to grow up with these two nuerotic nut jobs and watch them self destruct for decades now.
Have some class and back off the bullshit
Bagel edit: I moved this comment from another post. Plz continue the thread here.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 4:59 pm
They should have finished the job to get you OUT OF MY LIFE!
Kevin
January 11, 2008 at 5:05 pm
ahhh shit. here we fucking go. Personally, I’ve never wanted to stick my genitals into a meat grinder. But, I guess everyone picks their path. I’ll be back with some chlorox and a mop.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Do I really upset you that much Kevin ? Really then why did you come over to this thread if you want me out your “fucking life ” so bad. You should of just shut the fuck up and dissappeard after I offerd my apology for supposedly misunderstanding you.
It might just as well be that I wish your mother fell down a flight of stairs and lost you.
Now that we have that out of the way,you would be willing to back up your assertion or claim thet the holocaust never happened.
Maybe you could tell me how 6 million people managed to vanish off the face of the earth ? Or do you mean to tell me that all the anals and documents spelling out the whole atrocity from beggining to end in print and photo were fabricated ?
I guess 911 was an inside job also ?
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I just wanted to get you riled up again. I’m off to enjoy the weekend!
Kevin
January 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm
I’m head of security Key. Bring me a toothpick and a roll of toilet paper.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Go fuck yourself.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 5:22 pm
hold on, I’m still trying to figure out where all of these innards came from. ok, never seen that before, there’s a kidney, is that a wedding ring? no, just a lost sphincter. Jesus, I have to keep you away from the power tools. Ok, here, toothpick, toilet paper. I’m off to get a new mop.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 5:29 pm
“micky2 said, on January 11th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Do I really upset you that much Kevin ? Really then why did you come over to this thread if you want me out your “fucking life ” so bad. ”
He moved to this thread because I asked him to, as a favor. He was ready to drop it, but I knew it wouldn’t be dropped on the other thread until he said something here.
He’s just funnin’ you, Micky.
However, I’m a bit concerned. You discovered yesterday that he’s gay, and you seemed very uncomfortable with it. He says offensive shit all the time, but one remark about a news article (on the other thread) and you’re freaking the fuck out. Sounds to me like your homophobia has found itself a channel.
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 5:37 pm
I’ve had two gay friends for the last 38 years, but they’re gay, not fags. And I go to gay clubs because the music is better and no one hits on my wife.
I dont give a fuck if you gargle donkey dicks, leave my mother and grandmother alone.
Been in the rest. business my whole life and I,ve probably hired more gays than you’ll ever meet.
Since you know him better than I do ( and you know me a little better now also)
I’ll start funnin again.
key; just a bucket to shit in will do. It’ll be easy, this fag had no teeth.
Bagel note: Please do not use the word “fag” in such a manner. It’s a mean ugly, word with a mean, ugly history. I regret that I called Kevin out for his comments, while I let you slide on this one. I was shocked when you said it, and ashamed that it happened on a site that I’m responsible for, but was too frazzled and emotionally exhausted to know what to do about it.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 5:46 pm
yeah, personally, I don’t have much tolerance for homophobes. I don’t think micky is a homophobe, he’s alot like everyone else. Everyone has at least one untouchable topic, for him it’s the Holocaust. I know better than to reveal my ‘hot button’ issue, but I have one. I think everyone here would benefit from a slow morphine drip. Micky is pretty damn good about coming back and admitting when he’s wrong and happy to let you know when he’s right. That’s why he’s the head of security at the KW campaign HQ.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 5:51 pm
ahhh, goddammit, micky, you had to go and fuck that up. There I am, trying to present you in a different light and you drop an f-bomb. fuck, man, you’re better than that.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Wait…first mention of family was from kevin?
um, no
you brought family into it, micky.
Kevin is a personal friend and one of my writers. The holocaust denial crossed a line, as I’m prolly the only one who read it who knows him well enough to know he was teasing. He’s twisted like that. Before that, micky, you were the asshole.
It’s funny tho that you and key somehow think you’ve one-upped him.
“I’ve had two gay friends for the last 38 years”
And between Kevin and I, we’ve fucked half of Zion.
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 5:54 pm
”
You can fool them while they’re intoxicated, according to Bagel, by rubbing Durian plant on your vageen, which simulates the scent of rancid genital sweat.”
I was just describing to someone the smell of durian! This aply sums it up…
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Bagel, I’m a little smarter than that. I’m nothing but cordial to everyone here. Ok, that’s a lie, but I can take what I dish out.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 6:10 pm
KW: yeah, i was typing my comment as you were typing yours. thanks for trying to break up the slap fight :)
Stil: Yeah, its awful! but if you can get it pre-cut and cleaned, its crazy tasty.
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I’m so proud of my half breed daughter. I don’t have anything shiny for you this time.
keywork.
January 11, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Hey, come on you guys, kiss and make up…
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Hey, does this mean we have to watch what we say now? :(
Like most good things, it all comes to an end!
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 6:20 pm
“Stil: Yeah, its awful! but if you can get it pre-cut and cleaned, its crazy tasty.”
My mother eats that shit all the time. If you are what you eat, then man, her pussy must smell something crazy.
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 6:21 pm
bagel;
“Wait…first mention of family was from kevin?
um, no
you brought family into it, micky.”
I did not insult his family, I never said anything about who said what first.
Bagel;
“The holocaust denial crossed a line, as I’m prolly the only one who read it who knows him well enough to know he was teasing. He’s twisted like that. Before that, micky, you were the asshole. ‘
I only made one comment before that and it was to you, it was the first comment. Kevin came in with the insensitive line about Bush crying at auscwitz. I saw no humor in that whatsoever to make fun of a man paying respect to victims of a horrific tragedy.
Now whos the asshole ?
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 6:22 pm
In Kevin’s defense, I think his original comment has less to do with belittling the tragedy of the Holocaust and more to do with questioning the sincerity of a man with the track record of our Mr. President. What one man calls “respect to victims of a horrible tragedy” another may call “insincere media pandering.” Which is true of our fearless leader you can argue all you want, but the fact remains that as insensitive as Kevin can be (and for what else does he stay in our hearts?) I have to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. He understands the seriousness of the Holocaust. Of course I can’t speak for anyone but myself, so maybe I’m wrong. It’s just a possible angle.
Incidentally, I’d like to make it known that I don’t care to hear about sensitivity from someone who has to distinguish between “gays” and “fags” to create an illusion of acceptance.
Scott
January 11, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Micky: “Now whos the asshole” <– Noone, not even Kevin himself, is denying that he’s an asshole. Do you think Bush was being sincere? Do you think Bush can be sincere? What’s worse: open anti-semitism, or false Zionism? I think that was the point. Just for the record, I went easy on Kevin because I know damn well that any other action would have just encouraged him. He’ll likely not be back around til Monday.
The holocaust was a horrible thing. Anti-semitism is a horrible thing. I’m sorry that your family suffered so, but man, you gotta do something about that chip on your shoulder. You’ll never change anyone’s mind by freaking out. You only make them defensive. You may have missed an opportunity to educate Kevin (and hundreds of lurkers) on how a joke can hurt even when you know it’s a joke.
I agree with Stiletto: Can we kiss and make up now?
note: I was typing this as Scott was commenting, and it pretty much just says what he said, only he said it better.
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Stiletto “Hey, does this mean we have to watch what we say now? :(”
Nope. I was trying to break up a fight between 2 of my friends. Had they not been friends of mine, I would have dived into it with them.
Say whatever you please, but holocaust denial (I know you wouldn’t do that, tho) will get my boot in your ass. Alot went on behind the scenes that ppl didn’t see…
It’s hard to be the moderator, editor, and friend at the same time.
I ♥ you both, Kevin & Micky :)
bagel of everything
January 11, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Cool, but please dont make it sound as if Kevin and I are a couple.
Scott, Bush has no reason to fake tears, hes not running for president. So , no media pandering would be neccessary or even make sense.
Between gays and fags ? The fag is just a classless gay, get over it.
I call whites mayonaisse wonder bread cracker fed hicks.
I call lesbians boochies.
I call blacks anything but niggers.
I was the one who interjected sensitivity and then my mom and granma were compared to blotchy embaressing relatives.
If you had any real sensative bones you would of called Kevin on his shit, as I did.
I’d like to move on here. But I will not apologize for thinking the mans tears were real or for not accepting disrespecful remarks about my family.
If that is a picture of Kevin he looks very young and probably does not realize the gravity of his careless remarks.
So in this case forgivness towards him would be in order.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 7:34 pm
“I agree with Stiletto: Can we kiss and make up now?”
No, silly. I want to see Micky and Kevin kiss.
OOPS.
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Son of a Fucking Bitch! I leaves youse guys alone for a few hours and…what the fuck–Holocaust denial? Dammit, people; what were you thinking? I guess I have to weigh in, since this came up on my post and, frankly, you can’t ignore something this messy.
First off, I can see why Micky was indignant about the article. Maybe the original intent of the statement was misinterpreted, though. I don’t pretend to know what it’s like growing up with 2 Survivors, but I can understand how one might get defensive about such things. (Also, Micky and I having tag-teamed one antisemite bastard, Jersey McJones, on other sites has shown me that Micky is passionate and fervent in defense of Jewish history and culture.) If I had been around to see it go down in real time, I might not have been so diplomatic in my assessment of things, either.
I’ve known Kevin for several months now. I know he wouldn’t buy the hype about Holocaust denial. He knows about mine and some other RR regulars’ Jewish heritage. His offhand comment was hyperbolic; designed to get a rise out of Micky–and it did. I also know that he got a textual tasing from Bagel for his insensitivity which, for decency’s sake, didn’t make it into the comments of RR. He is a trusted contributor to RR and we’ve learned not to read so much into everything he says.
Like most of our contributors and readers here at RR, I find the thought of censorship and/or political correctness to be puke-inducing. I believe in freedom of speach. However, “freedom” is an adult concept. (Not adult in the sense of Jenna Jameson or Howard Stern–I mean it takes a certain level of maturity to realize what it truly means.) “With freedom comes responsibility.” So said Eleanor Roosevelt. Makes sense, yes?
Holocaust denial doesn’t contribute anything to our discussion because there’s no way it can be discussed in a way that is either enlightening or entertaining. It’s sad, it’s incendiary, but it only caused a fucking jab-fight on the boards. Likewise, the perjorative use of a gender-based slur doesn’t make things better, even if you’re enraged and want to verbally wound some other party for antagonizing you. If you think it does serious emotional harm, I’ve got news. It probably doesn’t. Most gay men/lesbians I know throw around “dike”, “fag” and the like all the time.
I’m actually sad that the post I entended to make people laugh caused a lot of ill will between 2 people I consider friends. Let’s back off for a while and cool down before this gets any more negative. This is a communitry and I think of you all as my neighbors. Don’t make my property value go down any further!
Soylent ape
January 11, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Of course the Holocaust happened, but what I want to know is, how did they arrive at the number six million and not, say, six million and one?
I mean, it’s such an even number. Please edumacate me, thanks.
[No, I'm not being sarcastic and I'm sorry if I sound glib - I'm really not].
Anti-Semitism should not be tolerated…can we pick on those filthy Muslim pigs instead?
Thanks.
Stiletto
January 11, 2008 at 8:17 pm
By hearing all I’ve had to say one might get the impression I am jewish.
I am Danish, German, and Mahican.
My father who adopted me when he married my Danish mother was Jewish.
His parents and my mom and granma sufferd through WWII.
I hope this puts my rage in perspective a little better.
But hey ! Who woulda known ?
Shit happens, love ya guys.
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Bagel;
” Noone, not even Kevin himself, is denying that he’s an asshole. Do you think Bush was being sincere? Do you think Bush can be sincere? What’s worse: open anti-semitism, or false Zionism? I think that was the point.
bad point, bad idea. I think he was being a hell of a lot more sincere than Hillary.
And claiming false zionism is just loaded rhetoric with no base.
Bush has always been on record as being quite aware of the results of totalitarian regimes and the consequnces. Which is why he is more aware of what would happen if we just bailed from Iraq. And why we are in Afghanistan, ontop the GWOT.
He does not ever want history to repeat itself in that way again.
You know why ? He is aware of the implications involved in letting radical islam move forward. Those implications were put fourth 65 years ago.
So YEA ! I think he was truly moved and the tears were real !
micky2
January 11, 2008 at 10:49 pm
@ Stil: Six million is a round number for many reasons. Lucy Dawidowics of the American Jewish Committee took census records in the affected European countries before internment and compared them agains immigration records and census results after liberation. We’ll probably never know exactly how many people died in the ghettos before internment, how many escaped or were”accidentally” killed by Russian liberators. She estimates the total to be 5,934,000. (Incidentally, this only reflects the /estimated/ total number of Jews who perished.) As many as 11 million Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, journalists, retardted individuals and political dissidents may have perished during the Holocaust.
Soylent ape
January 12, 2008 at 12:17 am
Kevin.
In the interest of walking my talk my conscience has made me realize that I should apologize for the “fag” comment. For me to get indignant over what I percieved as an unsensative remark, I myself was unsensitive. I have a temper and like all of us it got the best of me yesterday. The lessons from the holocaust should be that tolerance and acceptance of all regardless of race creed or sexual orientation is the order of the day.
I went against my own principles based on that and I apologize.
Have a good weekend and I hope we can get together on better terms sometime in the near future.
We know each other a little better now, and that is the key ingrediant needed in order for people to get along.
Once again, sorry dude. ;-)
micky2
January 12, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Thank you Micky. I, for one, forgive you. While the comment wasn’t directed at me, shots like that tend to spray, and I think we all got a bit of lead in us.
I was ashamed of myself for letting the f-bomb go unchecked after I’d went batfuck over the denial thing.
I’m hearing from several people, privately, arguing which is worse: Holocaust denial or calling someone a fag. I’ve heard strong opinions from both sides, but you know what… I’m not going to waste my limited brain function deciding the greater evil.
Saying ugly things in an ugly way for ugly reasons is just ugly.
I’ve heard “fag” used in ways that made me laugh, and while I’ve yet to hear a knee-slapper of a holocaust joke, I know people (Kevin and yourself, to name two) who are talented enough to pull it off if they set their minds to it. However, mean is just mean.
Let’s all hug ok? And then we can go make fun of the illiterate….they can’t be offended if they can’t read it, right?
bagel of everything
January 12, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Lets all make a circle and hold hands and contemplate todays lesson we can learn to come together. That would probably look like a circle jerk in someones mind.
Whatever, that would relieve some tension too I guess.
Fuck it, I’ll just go jack off alone and picture you guys while I’m at it.
Hows that for affection ?
micky2
January 12, 2008 at 7:17 pm
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