Dear Walking AIDS Infestation
Question:
I have recently had my cunt abraded in the least legal display of sexual depravity ever perpetrated on unsuspecting patrons of a tittie bar, and have had difficulty positioning myself comfortably in folding chairs at PTA meetings as a result. Please advise as to the proper procedure for locating and disposing of incriminating surveillance footage before the next bake sale fundraiser. My pantyline chafes from unlikely angles and affects my catwalk strut. I’m not sure how much longer I can do the Jitterbug with this microphone up my ass.This is a state of emergency. I have weapons of mass destruction and should be repeatedly invaded.Please put out the good word: my troops are restless on the frontlines and the sky over this buzzing hive of fantasy and horror is a clear Aegean blue. The weather report for my insides is phosphorent and smells of a struck match. If my pockets weren’t lined with nitro, I’d be inclined to stroll down the beach in search of seashells and medical waste.
But as it were, my libido threatens to impode and ingest the northern hemisphere, picking it’s teeth with a mint flavoured missile without leaving a tip for the washroom attendant.Lovely day for a beheading. There just isn’t enough Morphine behind the nurse’s station desk to ensure the safety of the general public and four year olds with balloons. If sex is the drug, arson is the cure. I have washed my hands with gunpowder under the ranch spigot, and am crouched behind the tractor shed presently with flint and steel.
I await you, O Wise and All-Knowing Kitten.
Answer:
Dear Walking AIDS Infestation:
First off - I think I need to translate your question for some of my readers - please, allow me..
Dear Discouragement Kitten:
I’m slice of slut pie. My berry filling consists of oozing, ripe and cherry bright, pestilent orbs bursting with fresh, sweet AIDS juice. Should I try to curb my insatiable appetite for more disease, if not how do I keep my fuckclam clean enough to attend to my everyday responsibilities - such as the children born from my infested rotting womb?
-Walking AIDS Infestation
Dear Walking AIDS Infestation:
You didn’t mention if you worked at the tittie bar or if you were just there and happened to get good and banged on stage. Obviously if you work there you have an easy in for obtaining surveillance footage - if not I’d fuck someone in a position to hand those tapes over to you - I’m assuming you don’t really have any qualms doing that. Problem is who knows if the person you obtain them from hasn’t made copies? If you steal them - how do you know the establishment doesn’t keep offsite backup of the footage? I would really forget the whole getting your hands on the evidence thing - really who cares? So, you were a huge gaping slut - sorry I mean slit in public. We all have things to live down. I doubt you really feel the need to live it down anyway. My advice to you - if you’re not already involved in the sex trade in some aspect - become involved. You obviously love doing it and hey - it’s lucrative.
Keep your butterbox sparkly shiny so you don’t leak on those PTA chairs and your children don’t smell it. It’s so hard to explain the aroma of rotting dead flies killed by filthy canned meat before the completion of their reproductive cycle to a young child - and really you shouldn’t have to!
Kisses,
Discouragement Kitten
Thanks for another awesome piece of awesomeness, DK! I’m totally your biggest fan! If you people aren’t reading her blogs on her page, you fucking suck!
GO HERE NOW
Previous DK contributions:
“It’s so hard to explain the aroma of rotting dead flies killed by filthy canned meat before the completion of their reproductive cycle to a young child - and really you shouldn’t have to!”
I wish DK were queen of the world, really I do.
bagel of everything
13 Sep 07 at 11:40 am