Official Campaign Headquarters – Zombie Reagan 2008
*FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE*
Saturday, 07 July 2007
Washington, DC
In a press conference held today at near the base of the Washington Monument, it was announced that the reanimated corpse of Ronald Wilson Reagan (R – California) will be running for President of the United States in the 2008 election.
The spokespersons for the Committee for the Election of the Reanimated Corpse of Ronald Reagan stated that the campaign was in its early phases. They were not ready at this time to make any disclosures about their campaign financing, but stated that ‘funds are really low,’ and that it would be very expensive to hire a competent practitioner of Voodoo in order to raise the corpse and maintain it in a non-decomposing state.
The 2008 Zombie Reagan campaign’s official headquarters will be co-located with the noted “humor” and sarcasm blog Ration Reality.
The motivation behind the campaign is clear: ”The Republican Party today simply doesn’t have very many good choices. McCain might as well just switch his party affiliation – he’s a jackass by nature, might as well start using the symbol, too. Romney, he’s a little bit of a space cadet,” said Ration Reality Spokesman Jesse Custer.
Bagel of Everything fielded the Giuliani question: “I don’t like him. He fucks around on his wife entirely too much, and besides, he smells like stale pepperoni.”
When asked about Fred Thompson, Custer had this to say: “On the face of it, Senator Thompson seems like the best candidate of the currently living. People are comparing him to Ronald Reagan. That’s why we thought, ‘why bother with a copy, when we can just go to the source,’ so we decided to simply raise the corpse of Reagan himself.”
One of the potential campaign slogans being discussed is ‘Better a Corpse than a Clinton,’ which can be purchased on a bumper sticker (pictured below) available from campaign headquarters for a nominal fee.
Further information will be distributed as it becomes available. Campaign volunteers are requested to sign up at the bottom of this page. Press inquiries may be directed HERE.
The following banner is available for use as a signature for email, in forums, and other manners of display.
Sharecode: Copy/paste this code to put the Zombie Reagan banner on your site!
Superhero announces his Wholehearted endorsement of Zombie regan! I grew up in the regan era, it was great then and can be great again!
Superhero
July 7, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Most excellent! Thanks SH!
If only Dole had a RLSH backing him!
Also, if anyone is wondering, Cafepress is handling the sticker purchases. We won’t be seeing any of your personal info.
The main link to our store is:
http://www.cafepress.com/6240
We really only have the bumpersticker and a couple things I was playing around with. More stuff to come real soon!
A note to the blogging community:
We are serious as serious about this as we have been about anything. We are currently working with Witch Doctors and Occupational Therapists of the Highest to make Reagan walk again! We need your support!
I propose an inter-blog campaign. Anyone interested, give me a shout.
bagel of everything
July 7, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Head and shoulders above any other candidate–even when he’s below them.
Soylent Ape
July 7, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Hm, didn’t Reagan already have 2 terms? I’m sure the constitution is pretty clear about this, and I don’t think it specifies “for life” or making exceptions for zombies. I’m far too lazy to actually check up on that, though.
I’d still rather have Al Gore in office anyway. :( Then again, anyone other than George W. “Chimp-Boy” Bush will presumably be a welcome change.
Glen
July 8, 2007 at 12:28 am
The Constitution doesn’t address the question of the shambling undead. I think it’s high time that we re-examine that part of the nation’s laws, and see that the undead get the rights that they deserve.
As far as Gore goes … um. No. Thanks, but no. He’s just another avatar of the Clinton-entity, and like I said: better a corpse than a Clinton. Although, with Gore’s utter lack of personality, he might already -be- a zombie … I’m not sure on that. We’d need to consult with a voodoo priest/ess to determine that one for sure.
Jesse Custer
July 8, 2007 at 1:07 am
Gore may not be a Zombie, but his environmental policy is “voodoo” all the same. (Carbon credits, anyone? That’s kinda like the Catholic church selling indulgences .) Besides, his son shot his chances of winning ‘08 all to hell last week. The li’l fuckup even picked the ONE COUNTY in Southern Cali where he couldn’t get off by saying “Don’t you know I’m Al Gore’s son?” What a genius!
Even if Article 2 of the constitution applies to re-animated corpses, he can run as a Vice Presidential candidate and serve as President pursuant to guidelines for succession in the event of a death or resignation.
Soylent Ape
July 8, 2007 at 1:58 am
just curious….is this why i no longer see J.E.W.’s name on the roster anymore-did he jump off the bandwagon? lilly liver….anyway-i been so busy-cant keep up, and I am soooo against a corpse-but you guys still rock!
**United POT Smokers**
July 8, 2007 at 9:52 am
Are you a bad enough dude to reanimate the President?
Hmmm Reagan? I’ve seen better.
Kevin
July 8, 2007 at 10:42 am
I vote for the Lich Lord Lincoln for president. I have my D&D nerd friends working on that as I type this. I think it’s high time the Repulbican party got back to their roots. Plus, there’s nothing cooler than a glowy-eyed skeleton.
Glen
July 8, 2007 at 11:01 am
@Glen: Ronnie served his terms, but Zombie Ronnie hasn’t served any. The only problem I’m feelin is that Zombie Ronnie isn’t over 35 years old. Jesse: We need a time machiene, get on that, ok?
@Soylent: I actually love the concept of Carbon Credits. I’m for capitolizing everyfuckingthing, even pollution!
@UPS: Yah, Jody has left. I’m going to be making that announcement soon.
@Kevin: You’ve seen better? You’re what, mid twenties? I’m guessing its neither Bush, surely you aren’t saying…*gasp* Clinton?!
@Glen, again: Perhaps your Lincoln suggestion and SA’s vice pres suggestion could work hand in hand. We could reanimate Lincoln, but poorly so he wouldn’t live long past the election, leaving good ol VP Dutch in charge? I do so love a good conspiracy.
bagel of everything
July 8, 2007 at 11:48 am
ha! i saw a zombie reagan picture as a comment on a page a few days ago…how queer. this is probably the funniest thing ive seen on RR so far…but maybe it’s just the “better a corpse than a clinton” where were u for my voting thingy?
ellen
July 8, 2007 at 4:34 pm
lol…i went to checkout for the sticker but i dont have a credit card…i guess this is why. let me know more stuff! we can trade stickers! my TAM shirts should be on cafepress this week! YAY us!
ellen
July 8, 2007 at 4:38 pm
@Ellen: What voting thingy?
I’d be glad to send you a free sticker if I could, love, but I don’t even get a free one for myself! It’s all being done by Cafepress. You do get 5% of anything we sell, tho, I think, as we signed up under you.
Can’t wait for your shirts to be made!
We do intend to have some stickers printed with our logo, order them in bulk, and give them away to our readers…as soon as Jesse gets around to designing it. Get to work, laddy!
bagel of everything
July 8, 2007 at 5:03 pm
OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!
I just got my sticker order!!
They look awesome!
I was a little worried, having never used the CafePress service before.
Good job on the arts, Jesse!
now everyone, go order yours!
http://www.cafepress.com/6240.148454971
bagel of everything
July 16, 2007 at 4:39 pm
The graphs look even better in natural light. Awesome design job, Jesse!
I’m gonna put mine between the Sabian and Performer Magazine decals on the Apemobile. Man, it’s gonna be the coolest thing since hockey hair or the suction cup Garfield!
Soylent Ape
July 16, 2007 at 8:38 pm
dont forget “baby on board” signs…
**United POT Smokers**
July 17, 2007 at 8:05 am
After the pissing contest some called a debate a few nights ago, we need Zombie Reagan now more than ever before!
Soylent Ape
September 7, 2007 at 2:46 am
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