Ration Reality

Craptain Jack and the Shmees

Posted in comedy, contests, contributors, gwar, humor, myspace, official band, pirates, review, weird, wtf, youtube by The Bagel of Everything on July 3rd, 2007

 Official Band of Ration Reality

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Getting To Know…

Craptain Jack and The Schmees

By Jody E. Wilson

And by “get to know”, I mean you’re gonna get to know stuff you could figure out with a cheap Dell, dial-up and 4th grade education. These guys are funnier than Molly Hatchet and twice as talented. They and many others probably consider them to be a “joke” band but that would be selling them short… shorter than I am compared to their singer, Craptain Jack, who must be 8’ 11”. I won’t be so insulting as to tell you the band’s theme but I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “pirate”. My favorite track has to be “Rippin’ a Fot”, a jazzy butt-rock number that chugs along like a hooker on crank. These guys are from below the Mason-Dixon line but don’t discount their intellects based only on that. After all, my boss is a redneck, too. Jolly fucking ho.

 

 

Listen to Captain Jack and the Shmees on MySpace

Or on their website: tengwar.freespaces.com

I’ve invited the boys over to tell us more about themselves in the comments.

We’re going to try something new.

Featuring a different humorous band each month. Submission details are here.

-bagel and jody

 -random- -submit- -blogarama- -technorati- -del.icio.us- -digg it!-

 

12 Responses to 'Craptain Jack and the Shmees'

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  1. Soylent Ape said, on July 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 am

    These guys are the new GWAR, but I love them, anyway!

  2. Bagel of Everything said, on July 4th, 2007 at 2:05 am

    I love them too, SA!
    And the drummer in the parrot costume, that’s too much excellence!

  3. Soylent Ape said, on July 4th, 2007 at 7:17 am

    Aye.

  4. robby a.k.a. parrot said, on July 8th, 2007 at 2:31 am

    Well, what d’ya know, we are the weirdest, awesomest, crappiest band of the month. We are honored and constipated with delight. This site is great and if it keeps up the good work, we may have to take it as our own, i mean we are pirates. We thank you all for everything you have done for us. now back to my cage…

  5. bagel of everything said, on July 8th, 2007 at 11:54 am

    @Parrot: Sorry, mate. The silly spam collector doesn’t seem to like pirates, but I found your comment and rescued it from the sharks.

  6. jack's baby said, on July 8th, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    “What do you know, I’m famous”-Craptain Jack Bauer. That’s nice.

  7. bagel of everything said, on July 15th, 2007 at 5:41 pm

    I forgot, the Craptain is out of town learning to be a real pirate…

    You bitches better step up your submissions. July is half over and we haven’t received a single acceptable submission for August band of the month!

  8. bagel of everything said, on August 9th, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    August’s Official Band has been announced… Cover Your Eyes! It’s…Sullivan!

  9. Soylent Ass said, on September 19th, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    Avast, ye! If ye be not knowin’, today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ny go ye out an’ talk like ye rule the high seas, lubbers. Arrrhh!

  10. Band of the Month: The Boss Hoss « Ration Reality said, on October 10th, 2007 at 11:56 am

    [...] Craptain Jack and the Shmees [...]

  11. WTF Films: I Wanna Be a Squirrel « Ration Reality said, on December 8th, 2007 at 12:39 am

    [...] WTF Films: I Wanna Be a Squirrel Posted in WTF Films, dark humor, music, squirrel, video, your mom, youtube by The Bagel of Everything on December 8th, 2007 The worst part: Soy and I actually know this guy. He’s the drummer for Craptain Jack and the Shmees. [...]

  12. micky2 said, on December 8th, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    I hope this isnt our fucking tax dollars going to waste.
    Cuz I dont see these gadooks makin any money ever.
    Thats if its money they want.

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