Ration Reality

First off, I’d like to correct a bit of errata from yesterday’s TV Wrap-up of Big Love.  It turns out that Waterworld was in fact completely irredeemable, as Jeanne Tripplehorn’s ass actually belonged to a body double.  That said, however, it was still a very nice ass, and as an apology, I’d like to post a link to various other body parts of hers which were quite uncovered in Basic Instinct.  When I’m wrong, I admit it, and I’ll step up to the plate and post a correction when it’s something crucial like this.

Now for the meat of the two shows.  We’ll hit House first, and since it was a rerun, I’ll be quick about it.

House, Episode 54 “Son of Coma Guy.”  Original airdate: 11/2006 

This is a show from relatively early on in the season that just ended.  It’s the first one in the whole drama about House ripping off Wilson’s prescription pad, etc.  Good story arc, and Hugh Laurie does some great work in it.  The real standout in this episode is the guest star, John Laroquette, playing a remarkably lively coma victim.  Laroquette is really quite good at sarcastic humor, and he and Hugh Laurie play off each other very well.  It’s too bad he can’t be a recurring guest … but hey, his death has a purpose in the context of the show, and it proves the old adage: ‘the quickest way to a man’s heart is straight through the ribcage.’

On The Lot, Episode 9

This show sucks.  It fucking sucks.  I would rather watch badly dubbed reruns of Cagney and Lacey on fucking Telemundo than watch another episode of On The Lot.  God, however, will not allow me to do this, and forces me into continual mortification of the flesh as I claw at my eyes every time this show comes on.

The films for the night were, for the most part, forgettable, with the exception of the first one, a short named Polished, about the revenge of an underappreciated janitor.  Worth checking out – it’ll be posted soon on the official FOX site. 

I really, really wanted to love On The Lot.  I truly did.  It’s a fantastic concept, and as an aspiring CGI filmmaker myself, I know what kind of opportunity it represents to the contestants involved.  The films are entertaining.  The hostesses are pretty.  The judges, individually, are very cool people with fantastic accomplishments under their belts.  I mean, Garry Marshall and Carrie Fisher, with guests like Brett Ratner?  How could you go wrong, right?  Nope, guess again.  This project came out of the oven only about half-baked, and those bits that are cooked at all are blackened to a fucking crisp by being overdone.  I expected better form a project involving Spielberg.

The hostesses, first off.  First episode it was Chelsea (Girls Behaving Badly) Handler.  She was funny, but couldn’t salvage it.  The replacement hostess, Adrianna Costa, has tried very, very hard to look like Eva Longoria be Ryan Seacrest, and she’s failed very, very badly.   (Side note: even Seacrest only had a couple good moments this past season of American Idol, so even if she had succeeded, it would have qualified as ‘damning with faint praise.’)  She comes from radio and it really shows – she doesn’t have a fucking clue what to do with her hands.  Please, dear God, send her back to radio.  She’s passable as eye candy, but there’s enough of that on TV that we can do without her insipid posturing.

The judges.  They seem fake, almost wooden, and that’s just sad.  These are brilliant people, but they’re just mind-numbingly full of suck on this show.  The interactions with the contestants are painful to watch, and the editing is just horrible – there’s more uncomfortable silences than a conversation with my mother.

Speaking of the judges, what the fuck happened to poor Carrie Fisher?  Jesus.   In Return of the Jedi she was fucking hot.  I mean, every nerd in my generation rubbed one out to an image of her in that slave-girl bikini at least one time, whether they admit to it or not.  Nowadays, she looks like the fucking shambling dead, caked in makeup.  My mom is quite a bit older than Carrie Fisher, and … you know what, that’s just a little too creepy for me, so I’m not going to finish that thought.

This picture doesn’t do justice to her current hideousness, but observe the comparison:

That’s my wrap-up of television for tonight.  I hope that you appreciate the agony I’ve put myself through for your benefit!   I suspect I’ll give On The Lot a miss for next week, unless there’s some sins I need to expiate.