Ration Reality

I’m now certain that wordpress is out to get me.
My format was lovely when I typed it all up in notepad.

 

Yesterday, technofuckme alerted me to new link-love for my little corner of wordpress. I don’t normally care about that sort of thing, because I’m a huge filthy liar. :)
So I clicked, and read, and commented, like a good little whore. Here’s what was written about little ol me:

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OH! and here’s a blog I think everyone should be reading… It’s called “the Bagel of Everything” and this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read!

Yesterday, my friend Roger crashed his motorcycle.
Everyone is upset about it, sending flowers and casseroles to his family and such.
I don’t get what the big deal is. It wasn’t a very nice motorcycle.

HAHAH! That’s hilarious! (she was kidding, by the way). Go check out her blog!
– pants-and-fire.livejournal.com

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Dude, I’m honored and all, but “the funniest thing I’ve ever read!” ??
Um, did you just learn to read?As much as I enjoy (require) such accolades, I feel it is my duty to open your mind to the funny. Let’s start with baby steps, shall we?

• “Giving me a new idea is like handing a cretin a loaded gun, but I do thank you anyhow, bang, bang.”
  -Phillip K. Dick
• “This Vanagon will whiten your teeth, improve your sexual stamina and brew a perfect cup of coffee. It will find the “real killers,” weapons of mass destruction and Osama Binladen. It is scientifically proven to make you taller, stronger, thinner and generally more attractive. It was once owned by Kelly Rippa and is the former Maltese ambassador to China. This Vanagon sings a mean Karaoke but never gets wasted and spends the night with its head in the toilet….”
  - eBay auction: 1986 Volkswagen : Bus/Vanagon GL (not mine)
• “I like colorized diffs, but let’s face it, those particular color choices will make most people decide to pick out their eyes with a fondue fork. And that’s not good. Digging in your eye-sockets with a fondue fork is strictly considered to be bad for your health.”
  - Linus Torvalds
• “Yeah, it’s a whole magic kingdom with elves and shit that live on it… and my balls are like this sacred grove where they frolic… yeah I bet you can feel those elves tickling your ass(…)and the elves they all have huge dicks too, and they’re taking turns on you. This leader ‘Eloreial’, he lost his arm battling a dragon so they made him King of my Balls, he’s going first and really throwing it into you.”
  - A.J. Valliant, Talk Dirty to Me
• “The door was the way to… to… The Door was The Way. Good. Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn’t have a good answer to.”
  - Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency
  
• “One day, years from now (OK, six months from now), when Heidi Montag from “The Hills” is swinging by her ankles from an unhygienic pole in a Reno, Nev., gentlemen’s club and wondering where it all went horribly, horribly wrong…”
  - Celebrities Get Undressed
• “Dress up in your Sunday best, like I did this morning, program a Lil Jon meets Slayer playlist on your iPod and roam around your hood snickering to yourself.”
  - Jody Eugene Wilson
• ” Notice the telltale sign of a man who has a penchant for boy ass: the pedophile-smile or “pedosmile.” It’s part smirk, part grin, and all molester. It’s like he’s having a two-for-one sale on rape, no refunds or exchanges.”
  - Maddox, How to spot a pedophile
• “Give a man a fish, and he’s creating art. But teach him to fish, and soon you’ll have a pool full of exploding koi.”
  - Neil Gaiman

I’m new to this blogging thing. I began on MySpace in March, moved here to wordpress on May 23. I started blogging to help relieve the pressure of writer’s block (I’m a sci-fi writer, and no you can’t read my work).In these 2.5 months, I’ve whored my way into a few blog entries, mostly by myspacers.
Here are my favories:

• Fear and Loathing at the DooGallery by Target Audience – I actually co-wrote this one, and formatted it. But still, it’s about me damnit!
• Friday Fun EngTech @ internetducttape.com
• Better than Death by J.E.W.
• Inquisition! by Stona Lisa
• Wanna Play – Soogat (Verbatum rip-off of one of my MySpace blogs…I love it!)
• As if I haven’t got better things to do with my time… by Manning
• An embarrassed bagel by Jesse Custer
  

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  Technically, my cheezburgers count as blog entries:
• Halp! R2D2 be eatin me!
• Im in ur bunkerz ICHC
• Blind Kitteh ICHC
• Best Alarm Clock EVER! ICHC
• Dollah menu : I don’t like that one much, my other one is better I think
  

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  Ok, now that’s all out of my system.
  I’ll get to work on a real blog entry for next time.

I’m thinking….
Art or Pornography: Can’t it be both?

Yeah, that’ll be better…